Depression hurts

[FearlessMsMimi]

I’m really concerned with patients like myself who have MS, cognitive issues, fatigue and from all of those issues comes major depression. I stopped seeing my therapist in November but need to go back. Finally 3/27 appointment time is here after waiting since 1/4/19. I call everyday for cancellations but nothing. I can’t wait to discuss my issues.

[DM0329]

Boy can I relate to your post. It's almost March 27th! Be proud of yourself for reaching out! #LiveBoldly

[RoyceNewton]

Good luck to you, try not to get to drugged up.

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to RoyceNewton]

No I’m not a big pill taker and I’m slowly getting off many of my meds.

[TracyBelle]

I have the same concerns about the medical community not recognizing that MS causes depression through damage to the connections in your brain. I have told my Dr often of the depths of my despair and the rapid cognitive decline, but he never reacts. MS affects your entire brain, not just the parts that you need to walk. Walking should not be a measure of disease progression while so many other issues get blown off. My disease is not stable just because I can still walk. Everyone needs to understand that MS depression is not the same thing as depression in an otherwise healthy person. It is not a response to getting sick, it is caused by not enough activity in one part of the brain and too much activity in the wrong parts of the brain. Depression and anxiety are symptoms of MS, just like optic neuritis, mobility issues or in continence are. It is caused by the brain damage, not a difficulty accepting the diagnosis, or any other maladjustments. We are not weak, just damaged.

[jimeka in reply to TracyBelle]

Well said Tracy, I agree 100% with you. 🤗

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to TracyBelle]

TraceyBelle I totally agree and now 19 years into my MS, out of work since 9/2014, can’t multi task any longer, can’t remember numbers not to mention can’t do simple math anymore and my disability is still not approved because the ALJ sees me as a healthy person outside and someone work related counselor says I can do a sedentary job after reading my file. I wish they could come on a work interview with me......🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Michiganpbc in reply to FearlessMsMimi]

Here if you are on pain meds like vicodin during working hours due to severe pain they will most likely approve your SSD but that is here in Michigan they view it as interference in your job performance and dangerous to drive and function on opioids

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to Michiganpbc]

Thanks for that useful information, but I don’t take pain meds because I try to do yoga and meditation, but most times I TRY.......lol

[Raingrrl in reply to TracyBelle]

Well said TracyBelle ! My experience is that the doctors are more comfortable talking about the damaged-caused physical symptoms than they are talking about damaged-caused cognitive issues. So annoying!!

[pamgarner in reply to TracyBelle]

you hit the nail on the head, well said

[greaterexp]

I'm so glad that your appointment is coming up soon. This is a good place to vent those frustrations, since we really understand those feelings.

Keep us posted on how you're doing, won't you?

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to greaterexp]

Thanks, I will and maybe I will get up enough courage to tell everyone all my frustrations and issues that triple top the MS.

[Kenu in reply to FearlessMsMimi]

Seems like everyone I know with MS has depression. I have been on Cymbalta for depression for twenty four years now and it really helps with mine👍. I think a lot of us don’t like doing pills 💊 but sometimes it is a must do 👍. Hope things work out for you 👍🙏😊😉 Ken 🐾🐾

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to Kenu]

I’ve been on Effexor XR for over 8 years now, I think my body is so use to it now that I need a change. Plus my challenges get harder has I age. Thanks for the words of encouragement my friend.

[jimeka]

If you feel like it, you could have a practise run with us guys, as we will truly understand where you are coming from, so vent away if it will make you feel any better 🤗

[pamgarner]

this depression with this disease will kick you in the rear end. I hope you feel better.

[Yooper]

Hang in there and I am glad you are seeking help. My wife knows I struggle with depression, but at times it is still a problem. I take bupropion and had the doctor increase the dose last visit. Praying 🙏 you work through this.

[Juliew19673]

Yes - this! I take Zoloft and it helps, but a neuropsychologist would be SO helpful to discuss the vast problems that MS likes to throw at you. Good luck and hang in there!

[CraigS]

Depression is a terrible side affect of MS for me. I am very fortunate in many ways and feel like an outsider to a lot of the folks in this forum. I don’t have the issues of getting care or treatment like many here. I’m very saddened by the stories told in the forum. I wish you the best and better care for your struggles. There’s a certain amount of guilt for me to read about other people’s problem with getting proper care for this disease. BTW, that also adds to my depression. I am empathetic to your pain but powerless to help. I don’t think we will ever “get over” the depression, but therapy is a wonderful tool to help us cope.

Sorry for rambling.

Craig

[TracyBelle in reply to CraigS]

I understand the survivors guilt you feel. But after 20 years of cognitive decline, I sometimes wish I had foot drop or something instead of being brain dead.

[Raingrrl]

Glad you reached out FearlessMsMimi and that your appointment is soon. I’m blessed to have an amazing counselor at the MS clinic I go to. She really helps me from going down the rabbit hole when I’m struggling. (When I can admit I need help and make an appt that is. But that’s a whole different issue.)

[hairbrain4]

One of the first things my PCP wanted to do when the MRI results came in was to put me on anti-depressants. My husband and friends thought I would go off the deep end when I found out. My Dr. & his wife are also good friends of ours so they told my husband before they told me. But it was quite the opposite for me. I was so glad that I didn't have a malignant brain tumor that MS was a relief. I had known a little bit about it from other people that had it so it wasn't new to me. I stayed on anti-depressants for a long time then decided that I was going to get off of as many meds as possible. I tapered off of them and a sleeping pill. I started feeling better and was having fewer exacerbations. That was about 8 yrs ago. But then the heat was really bad one summer and the exacerbations started again & then I started falling etc. Changed DMT back to Copaxone and was much better. But now on Ocrevus and doing a lot better. Ocrevus is now the only DMT I am on, no more muscle relaxers either. I can feel depression coming on and believe it or not I hit my Bible and read, journal & pray. The depression is lifted and I go on with my life till the next time. It usually happens about once every 6 months or so.

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to hairbrain4]

I’m glad to hear you’re handling it with prayer, bible and journals. Everyone should be that lucky. I want to ween of most of my meds and I’m anxious to see if that’s possible. Thanks for the words or courage.

[hairbrain4 in reply to FearlessMsMimi]

I want you to know it's not luck that saves me, it's my faith in God. After my diagnosis, my faith has grown more than I could ever have imagined. I know that is why my MS hasn't progressed, It has stayed the same for 14 years. I do have exacerbations but they are from the old lesions. I have not had any new ones. I prayed to God that it wouldn't get any worse and believed it to be true and the proof is in the MRI's. I praise God every day. Now that I am on Ocrevus, I praise Him even more because I am getting back to the old self before MS. I prayed for and believed that Ocrevus would heal me. It is working. Prayer and faith and praise are very, very powerful.

[TracyBelle in reply to hairbrain4]

My MS makes it difficult for me to feel connected to God. I believe in God 100%, I just feel like I have fallen outside His Grace somehow. I believe that Grace is freely given- just not to me.

[hairbrain4 in reply to TracyBelle]

I am so sorry you feel that way. I guarantee God loves you and has given you grace. You have to hold on to it. Even if you don't feel worthy, which most of us don't, it is yours for the taking. Just thank God every day for His grace. Eventually, you will feel it. I can't tell you how many of my cosmetology students eventually got it. Some of them would come into the program with such low self-esteem and self-worth, but after looking in the mirror every day before class and saying "I love you, and God loves me." They began to feel it. Then they began to thank God every day. Those students that truly believed are now very prosperous in their business. My prayer for you is that you will grab God's grace and hold it close to your heart so you can feel it, it's there.

[Allen5280 in reply to TracyBelle]

TracyBelle , I understand how you could feel somehow fallen from grace. I'm in a battle with that myself especially when I'm feeling over my threshold of circumstance and my prayers turn to "please don't make me do this anymore" I hold on with all that I am until things get better, or I should say a little easier to bear. I'm in a constant struggle of "not worth it". I know that this whole life and its purpose is so far beyond my understanding that sometimes I just have to trust there is a reason and the more difficult the struggle the more important the lesson that will be revealed in time. Weather that be this time or later on it takes trust and belief that theres a reason and it will be revealed in the time and manner it is deemed. For if it were not for my faith I would have ended this struggle years ago. I know it's not alot of help when things are grim for I'm just emerging from another round of my Major depressive disorder and it's a battle I am all to familiar with. You are and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Allen

[FearlessMsMimi in reply to Allen5280]

Thanks Allen5280, I know this too well. I am pleased that we all have our own ways of dealing or coping with this and I try not to rationalize to much. Thanks again for your response.