Parent of MS

[AndreaJamaris]

My daughter was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis about 3 years ago. She is 37 and has two children. As a parent it is difficult for me to try to understand how she is exactly feeling as she does not communicate clearly. I go with her to every appointment so that I could get a clearer understanding of what is going on with her body. She does not share too much with me or the rest of the family and gets frustrated when I ask too many questions. I would like to know how I can be more supportive without seeming too pushy.

[greaterexp]

I’m sorry you are struggling with the effects of this disease. The ripples go further out than we can imagine. Your daughter is blessed to have you in her life as a great support person.

I don’t know either of you, and I don’t know what your relationship is like. You may try opening the door by letting her know you love her and want to support her however you can, and then letting her know you will listen whenever she needs to talk. But you may need to have much patience. Most of us struggle with not only the physical problems, but with acceptance of the changes and reduced abilities. It can affect relationships in many ways as we try to sort things out. I hope you can understand that though she may never open up and talk much, she needs you and your support. Your unconditional love will mean so much to her, though she may never express it to you.

It must be very difficult for you to watch what this disease does to your daughter, and it may hurt that she seems to shut you out. I pray that you can accept her where she in in this battle and just love her.

Remember to come here as you need to. No one here can fix anything, but we sure help one another with support and encouragement and by being a receptive ear for when we need to vent.

[Fancy1959]

Hello Andreajamaris, it's Fancy1959. I can understand your distress at having your child diagnosed with this monster. I have three sons that are in their 20s and one of my worst fears is that they too will get this dreaded disease from me.

By simply being there for your daughter and showing concern, making sure she doesn't go alone to appointments or tests, you are being very supportive and doing right now as much as your daughter will allow. It sounds like your daughter is in a stage of denial and probably still in somewhat of a shock about her diagnosis but when she's ready she'll share what she needs to. If she doesn't accept or share with you in her mind she might believe she doesn't really have the symptoms that frustrate her so much.

Encourage your daughter gently to check out or chat room. Tell her you've met a lot of caring and compassionate people that are going through the same thing she is. She will have to log in and create a profile but she does not have to actively talk to people in the chat room. She can simply get in and read post from other people and get the feel of the chat room without exposing herself.

To learn more about MS and possibly what your daughter is experiencing and going through ask her neurologist for material to read on and about this monster we share. Perhaps if you can read and help her understand parts of her disease better she will come to lean on you and know you are there for her. Just try to give her time and I would be surprised if she doesn't come to lean on you more.

I am very excited that we have a caregiver becoming a part of our family. Your unique perspective will help many in this chat room. So please continue to share with us what you experience and if anything you do helps or assist your daughter to come to terms with her disease or handle it's disability better. I look forward to talking to you soon and hope we also get to know your daughter. Take care of yourself and I know you will take care of your daughter as much as she allows. Please remember to tell her that together with the many tens of thousands of other people affected by Ms across the world create a group of people that are stronger together.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

AndreaJamaris I agree with what they say!😀 Unless you're daughter is an introvert like me.😕 and I don't talk to anyone about my MS except on here.😄

You are being an amazing mom! And patience is the key!😀 Does she have outward symptoms?😕 Or all inside?😕 KNOWING that you have support, sometimes is all the support we need.😊💕

Hang in there Mom!💕 You are doing great!😀

Jes 🌠

[Iona60]

She may still be pretending that she doesn't have MS, which I did for 10 years.

[Tracy79]

I know my mom worries about me and my MS. I don’t mean to exclude her but I don’t want her to have to think about it 24/7 like I do. I know my mom is always there if and when I need her and I’m sure your daughter feels the same. If you live near your daughter perhaps Cook her some meals, offer to pick up groceries if you’re going out or take her kids for an afternoon. Best to both of you.

[kdali in reply to Tracy79]

This! My mom will cook, clean, baby sit, drive me to an appointment or grocery store, etc if I need or just want her to.

[AndreaJamaris]

Thank you to all who replied. It was very comforting to read and know that there is a group of individuals that can understand and sympathize with what I and my daughter are going through. Thankfully we are both trusting God to see us through this and we pray together every time we go to her appointments. She also has a very supportive husband which helps a great deal and he and I also have a very good relationship. I will be telling her to check out this support network. It has been a blessing to me and I am sure it will be to her once she gets on.

[Qt314grl]

AndreaJamaris i am similar to your daughter, I’m 40 and have a young son and a wonderful supportive husband. My mom and I have a good relationship but MS has strained it.

For me, the biggest issue I have with her is all the suggestions she has for me...eat this, have you tried this, see this dr. Etc. I realize it is just concern on her part but it feels very pushy at times. I don’t need constant second guessing my drs, symptoms and treatment plans-you know what I mean?

I’m not saying that’s what is going on with you guys but something to think about. Good luck and thank you for being supportive to her!

[ssdw1958]

Just be there for her MS is a disease that takes a lot out of your. You could make a dinner for her. If she has a hard time ask her if she needs help. Take your grandchildren out for a little while. And just be there for her.

This is a disease that takes so much away from you that half the time you really don’t know what you want or need.

But one other thing don’t be pushy if you know what I mean.