Update on my Great Grandma..long...venting

[bxrmom]

Okay, as many of you may remember that at Christmas we made the decision to go to see my great grandma in WI (we live in MI) because we did not know what was going to happen. She is bed ridden after a fall (still don't know why she fell) and can not walk anymore. She had to have a feeding tube put into her stomach because she can not have anything by mouth. She will need around the clock care and will be transferring to a nursing home/rehab center any day now. The place has already been picked. My grandpa has talked with her about thinking about moving to a nursing home where she could have someone there all the time with her because my aunt and uncle would leave town ever other weekend to visit family and take care of property. Even when we visited her in the hospital it was talked about but it seems my aunt and uncle don't really talk to her about much at all and that makes very mad. My grandma is not very happy with the idea of having to go a nursing home, though it seemed like she was okay with the idea when we there. Just don't think they understand her too well or how to interpret what she says or how she is feeling. For example, she would tell me that she couldn't cut her nails and she need them cut. So when she was in the hospital I did them for her, my aunt almost got mad but then grandma said she liked them and she changed her tune.

When my grandpa called today to talk to his sister (my great aunt) and found out that she needs a power of attorney and apparently nobody wants that role. My great aunt and her husband have been taking care of my great grandma since she hasn't been able to do so herself (many years now).

My great grandma does have a financial advisor so my grandpa has a call into him on some questions he has to see if he can help on what to do moving forward.

It's like all of a sudden the people that have been taking care of my great grandma are throwing up their hands and saying 'not me, I'm done' and it's sad. I wish that I was healthier and still lived back home so that I could see her more often but unfortunately I do not.

Sorry this turned out long...thanks for listening.

Jessie

[jimeka]

bxrmom its a sad reality when our grandparents get old, but it is also a sad reality that those around them are old too. I know my grandma had to go in a home as my mum was more sick than she was and she could not care for her as she needed, plus she was getting old herself. I tried, but I was working and had 3 children to look after, so a home was the only alternative. Mum would visit as often as she could, but unfortunately she turned a little nasty, she lived until she was 102, she could not understand why her friends didn't visit her. She had out lived them all, even out lived my dad. Blessings Jimeka 🌈 🦋 🤗

[janetb1968]

Oh I am so sorry about ur great grandma and as jimeka stated it's even harder when everyone is getting older aswell. I lost both my grandparents by the time I was 10 and nearly leaving primary school. It' so sad seeing ur older members of ur family getting older and becoming frail. Sending u many hugs, blessings and prayers to u xxxxx💖💖💖💝

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador]

Sorry to hear of Grandma's problems and health issues. Perhaps an ombudsman or counsel at hospital or Senior service could advise family as to how to go about deciding on her care. Best to you all. Lynn

[ssdw1958]

I am sorry things have turned out this way for you. It sounds like your grandma is a good person to visit so enjoy her and grandpa as much as you can.

It is hard when people in your family start to bicker over different things and don’t realize times are changing. I was talking about different people in our lives aunts and uncles who are know longer alive and it’s hard to say that we are the older ones. We are now the great aunts and uncles and grandparents. Oh my now that I put it like that I feel really old. That is why we can’t let the little things both us

So I hope all goes well with your family.

[bxrmom in reply to ssdw1958]

ssdw1958 Thanks. My grandpa's wife talked to my great grandma's financial advisor and he told her that the only POA can be him or his sister (not her husband). The financial advisor had a meeting with someone today that the family is going to work with to get the POA straightened out. He emailing and mailing documents so that from Michigan my grandpa can be do some medical POA things over the phone, otherwise he would have to go to WI to sign some legal paperwork. My aunt because she is in WI will have to the rest, whether she likes it or not. My great grandma talked more to my grandpa about what she wanted in the end than she did to my aunt...not sure what the reasoning is/was and I may never know. I just know that this is very hard on my grandpa because he is 77 years old but I'm glad that his wife is helping him through this and doing the paperwork/talking on the phone as those are things he is not good at.

Thanks for listening everyone, it is greatly appreciated.

Jessie

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to bxrmom]

💕

[mrsmike9]

I will reveal my age and say we've gone through all that with my mom. She and my Dad (who died in 2002) decided long ago who would be the POA and executor. My oldest sister has that job. I don't agree with some of her decisions but for the most part she talks to my other sister and me before a large decision is made. Perhaps your great grandma can say who she wants to do these things? That kind of takes the choice out of other people's hands.

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador]

I would add to my comment above... Is there anyone in family that can be appointed as legal conservator. Conservator would work together will family, medical pros and the financial advisor. (financial advisor may be against this as they like to be the main decision maker and can charge family more) I was not only POA, but court appointed conservator for my mother and also for my mother in law. A family member as conservator can be much less expensive for family than a state appointed conservator. No matter what, it's time for family to discuss and do what is best for grandma and grandpa.

[bxrmom]

CalfeeChick I'm not sure, but there is someone that is working with my grandpa and his wife and my aunt and her husband on things. I'm not exactly sure what their positions is but probably best to not involve too many more people as they are not comfortable dealing with all of this stuff as it is. My great grandma I think already had some stuff in place after my great grandfather passed away in 2004.

Jessie

[erash]

bxrmom

End of life issues are wicked 😬, major emotional and $ burden on all.

My boss, a physician used to say "it's not plans that fail but failure to plan" and 80% of Americans don't have plans.

A legal guardian can be appointed but that is $ that can be saved if a family member is able to take on the responsibility.

[YLGram in reply to erash]

I really appreciate your comment about life and I agree with your boss. "It's not plans that fail but failure to plan" My husband and I wrote a living trust several years ago, it spells out everything we want and don't want. It designate which of the daughters will be executors and who has medical and financial power of attorney. We have been specific about wanting to be cremated after organ donations and where we want our ashes to go. Everything is spelled out in such a way to minimize stress on our family and to make sure that our wishes are carried out. They each have a copy and we talked about it Funny how the destination for everyone of us is death; it doesn't matter your religion, your color, your sex , we all die. Families need to talk about it; people need to prepare for it.

I learned from my father, who was born in 1897 and 21 years older than Mom. What really what matters is leaving people behind that remember you fondly. He always said as long as one person who remembered him lived, that he was still alive.

[erash in reply to YLGram]

YLGram by planning and communicating your end of life wishes you have given your family a gift that will lessen their grief.

[ssdw1958 in reply to YLGram]

That is a great way of putting the time of ones time of departing this earth in a different. I want to thank you.