Personal value

A while back I was told me that I needed someone to remind me of my own value. I thought I had someone who did that but now have realized that I do not.

I had my very first art show, showing my button art. (It was extremely well received!) My husband didn't even come. Of all the artists there, only 3 were chosen to be on a Q&A panel and I was one of them! He wasn't there.

When I think back of our 2 disabled kids, he never helped with them at all. I was the one who fought for services for our brain damaged son. I would sit at home when I wasn't working and cry in frustration because I had SO much trouble getting him what he needed. At one point Mike said he was so angry at me because I gave all my attention to our son. Well, crap on him! He could have helped me so I had time for myself and for us!

Our other son had to go to Shriners in Chicago regularly. It's a rather grueling trip. Shriners drive us (bless them) but their vans are not the most comfortable in the world and it's a 4.5 hour trip - one way. I made Mike take him once and all he did afterwards was complain about the trip and how he would never do it again! So I step again, up to do the hard work.

Looking back on this I realize that he does not handle caregiving well, or even support. Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful man, but obviously, this is not his strong point.

No wonder my button art gives me such a feeling of value. It's the only time someone (other people) validate me and that's the only time I get it... (sigh)

14 Replies

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  • It seems that we always hope for validation and appreciation from those in our families first. Over the years, I’ve seen that many folks are unable, for whatever reason, to adequately express love and appreciation, and those people are often in our families and ones were love dearly. I’m so glad you recognize your husband’s other great qualities, but also see that he can’t give you what you need in that area. It’s wonderful that you have found a way to not only express your talents and creativity, but can reap the rewards of others’ appreciation. You have a gift of seeing something beautiful and intricate and then capturing it and expressing it in a unique way.

    We’re always tickled pink to see your latest creations here, and I frankly envy your talent. When I drew stick figures for my kids, they asked what they were!

  • Thanks. I nearly have my next one done. It has taken longer because I had to deal with my mom's stuff as she just went in a nursing home. Fortunately this is a commissioned piece for someone I know so she's been very understanding for the time it's taken.

  • mrsmike9buffering pls share a photo of your latest piece when it's done

  • mrsmike9buffering well I think your button work is amazing. I have shown it to a few of my friends who like doing crafts and they reckon you have quite the talent. Children with illnesses of any description are only born to very special people, ones who are hard working, who have a big heart, full of love, and that's you Mrs Mike. Blessings Jimeka 🦋 🤗 🌈

  • I only birthed one of our four kids. Three were adopted including our two disabled sons. One was born missing limbs and the other has brain damage due to his birth mother drinking while pregnant.

    Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

  • You are truly a special person. Especially doing all this without help.

    If it helps I think your art work is awesome. I've never been able to draw a straight line.

    May God bless you richly.

    Donnie

  • mrsmike9buffering

    Wow! My admiration for you just tripled!!!

  • You win the Superwoman award hands down. I don't know if I could stay with a man who was as narcissistic as your husband sounds, but, if, as greaterexp says, you find that he is good for you in other areas, then maybe he is a keeper. I know that my husband loves me very much, but he is very stoic and I know that he either doesn't understand or simply can't handle the effects of my MS some times. He did suffer a stroke 5 years before my dx and it left him with some damage in the frontal lobe of his brain, which may explain some of it, and usually he is or tries to be very understanding about it but sometimes he just doesn't get it and we usually end up in a fight. That part drives me crazy, as I usually end up crying and in even more pain than I was. I haven't yet addressed this with my new therapist, but I did address it with our conjoint therapist back east, and he explained that it was my husband's stoicism; he doesn't give in to pain or not feeling well and he therefore doesn't understand it when other people do. Obviously, we are not sympatico in that area and he is going to have to learn how to handle it better because I can't react to the MS symptoms any other way than seeking relief from the pain through medication or exercise or just resting. And if it cuts into his plans, then tough.. And you are a great artist; I love the pictures of your work. I wish I could draw or paint, but I don't have a speck of ability in that area. My drawings look like a child did them!

  • He's good except for this. We've been married 30 years now. I guess I just have to rely on someone else for support.

  • That's a shame, but I feel your pain. We've been married 39 years, and he is always the one I turn to for support--sometimes he lets me down, but not usually. Good luck.

  • mrsmike9buffering

    I love your button art but I believe your inner strength is what I admire more 💕

  • I'm not worth your admiration. I'm just a mom doing my job.

  • Mrsmike, you are a great mom doing a great job and worthy of great admiration. You have earned it. When you have a chance please post a picture of your button art. 😀

  • I did of early pieces quite awhile ago. I'm nearly done with one that was commissioned and when it's totally complete, I will post it as well. Thank you for your comment.

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