I lost my Sh** today

[ktaylor8899]

It is my first week back at work-which has been busy but what bothers me more? What seems like no support from my husband or son. They run me ragged. On my husbands day off mom and tues I still came home to cook dinner, do laundry and clean- what did he do all day? Nothing- yesterday I took my son to his orthodontist appointment and then drove to see my grandma after heart surgery. Long day driving today husband was working 2-10pm and I worked 830-430. So he was home alone and what did he do all day? Nothing so not only do I work all day but I come home to cook dinner (extra for him to take tomorrow) do laundry aid in homework- taxi around to soccer practice and by 945 pm I finally get to sit. Then my son keeps getting out of bed (10) tween attitude at the max- needless to say he got his phone taken away. But he kept pushing my buttons and what does my husband do? Escalated the whole ordeal til my son was crying by doing over the top punishment (taking his tv from his room after I already disciplined) I lost it. And they look like what happened? I flat out told them you guys are going to put me back in the hospital I can’t do this! I asked why none of them seem to care enough to make things easier on me and why are they ok letting me run myself into the ground? Then I locked myself into the bathroom and cried. My son is the only one that came and apologized to me and said he would be better. My husband hasn’t said a word- he’s sitting on the couch like a puppy that got scolded. What do you do? It feels so awful to have people who don’t see what their actions do to you how the stress affects you idk I just want to cry.

[ssdw1958]

Sorry have to go through this crap. When I was capable of getting around I Left notes for my husband to help me out. He didn’t do it all the time. But now that I can’t do it he has stepped up to the plate and you now he does the laundry, grocery shopping he even makes his own lunches the cleaning part well ??. But you need to leave him Notes 📝 as to WHAT NEEDS/HAS TO BE DONE ✅

I hope your Grandmother is doing better.

Good luck 😊

[ktaylor8899 in reply to ssdw1958]

That’s exactly what my mom said also lol

[REDLIPS44]

I'm bitchie, I would not wash their clothes anymore and see how they like wearing dirty underware. Sorry your dealing with this.

[ktaylor8899 in reply to REDLIPS44]

Oh I told them I am DONE until they start helping me I won’t be helping them. Lol my husband emailed me at work said he did some laundry today and vacuumed.

[TracyBelle in reply to ktaylor8899]

So happy to hear about your husband helping you with household chores. Like I said, my husband became far more compassionate, helpful and understanding after being educated not about MS in general, but about YOUR specific symptoms that are invisible but extremely real. Written statistics and articles about your Individual condition will force him to recognize that these things are caused by MS, and COMPLETELY out of your control. However, men are men (sorry guys) and he will need constant reminders about how your condition has changed your abilities and that he will have to make accommodations whether he likes it or not.

My husband will still say “you have gone to A and were still able to do B afterwards before.” Yes, but I didn’t have C the same day! And just because I was capable of B that time does not automatically mean I can always go to A and come home with the ability to still do B. I think you can infer what “B” is a reference for.

Printing out the information you find will also help you remember that MS is changing you in a multitude of ways and None of this is Your Fault.

I hope that he and the rest of your family is open to the information and develops the understanding and compassion you deserve. An informed person will be less likely to say why can’t you be like whoever . You have MS and they don’t. They shouldn’t be comparing you with ANYONE.

You seem like a strong person and I will be following you 🚶🏻‍♀️👍🏻😎 Tracy

[Peruzzot]

I've had days like that.

Back in August I had to have my gall bladder removed...surgeon said it was twice the size it should have been. Anyway my husband was complaining that I got the surgery done while he was here on vacation visiting me and why couldn't I have had the surgery done after he left. What a friggin jerk. My son was here as well during summer break from college. My son called grandma...My husband's mother and told on him. My mother in law went off on her son. 😊 She read him the riot act! Isn't my son great!?

My kids were all teenagers and older when I was diagnosed but they seem to be better understanding of what I'm able and not able to do anymore. My husband still asks me why I can't be more like his mom, or his brother's wife, or his friends' wives...basically anybody except me. I just tell him that he should have married them instead of me. I didn't hide anything before the vows were said...he can't say the same...and I can't do anything about the medical issues I didn't do anything to cause them. My mother in law and I sometimes don't always get along so well...I don't do things the way she does so therefore I'm wrong...but when the kids tell on her son she will go off on him.

[TracyBelle in reply to Peruzzot]

I had to have my gallbladder removed also! How many years was it after being diagnosed? I had no gall stones but they took it out anyway because of the elevated liver enzymes that had been in my blood work and the Horrible symptoms I had experienced for a year. After it was removed I continued to have elevated liver enzymes and symptoms. I got a new Dr who said “I read your surgery report and they didn’t even flush your bile duct.” She scheduled the procedure and said that the duct was filled with “sludge”. She told me that there was a small chance that I would have to be hospitalized afterwards but it was supposed to be out patient just like the gallbladder removal. I woke up and I could tell that I should NOT leave there and go home. I ended up in the hospital for a full week with Pancreatitis. Nothing by mouth that whole time because I couldn’t even keep a popsicle down after 2 different anti nausea medicines in 10 minutes.

I hope that your experience was less drawn out and turbulent. I wonder if it was related to us having MS or me taking Copaxone? What did your Dr tell you? Do you have trouble eating fried and fatty food now? Did you have any gallstones and what was your age when it started making you sick?

Are there other people with MS who have had gallbladder problems in their late 30s- early 40s?

Best of luck- Tracy

[Peruzzot in reply to TracyBelle]

I went for years with pain in my right side but because I didn't show the "normal" symptoms associated with gall bladder issues it wasn't even looked at until the doc was looking for something else and my gall bladder showed up on that test. That's when they noticed part of my problem. The pain is much better now but I still have nerve damage in my lower back from a line of duty accident that I had back in 1992. The enlarged gall bladder was aggravating the issue.

I've never liked fried food much so I really don't miss it. I still have some issues eating foods with cheese or oils on them. It's getting better.

[Juliew19673]

Continue to stand up for yourself! So sorry your Husband is acting like a child.

[TracyBelle]

That SUCKS! Obviously your family needs education about your needs and abilities. I have a file that I cut and paste things online to which apply to my specific symptoms or condition and tendency to lose control of my emotions. When you can show your husband that 60% of MS patients are this or that, he will have to accept that these are symptoms of the disease and not a change in his wife. Continue to show him facts and statistics about what MS REALLY does to the body and brain. The more educated your family members are the less likely they will be to have unrealistic expectations. The new you can’t do everything that the healthy you could and they must understand and accept this sad fact. A 10 year old can pick up the slack unloading the dishwasher and vacuuming. Teach him how to put clean sheets on his bed and make him self sufficient (when appropriate).

He will take pride in his new responsibilities and hopefully carry them into adulthood.

Educate your husband by printing out the information you find and putting with his regular reading materials. With education he will realize that he will also have to take on more household responsibilities, unless he wants to live with piles of dirty clothes and a sink full of dirty dishes.

I wish you best of luck- Tracy

[MS_Indestructible]

sorry that you have to deal with all that you do. Me being a guy, I can't relate But do know that notes do work. When I was married, the notes worked, guys don't pay attention to details so we have to be reminded. Any how, I'm on my own now, I live with two other guys who don't get it either, they call me the "woman of the house". I tell them and don't you forget it. Hang in there, be strong!

[CraigS]

So sorry to hear about your misery.

When I had to stop working, I told my wife that I would take care of everything in the house. At first, I was a rock star. Then it became more difficult to do things and I fell so often, that now I’m forbidden to use even a step stool. I still manage dinner for us, but my wife has to do most everything else. I’m always saddened because she has to take on so much. I hope like hell that your family gets a clue and soon. I don’t have any real advice except for what you did. Tell them what you can’t do and let them figure it out.

Good luck to you.

[SometimesCrazy]

Hey Superwoman. Time to set new guidelines so you don't have to lose it. Look at me giving advice that I need to listen to.😉 so much easier this way!! Getting off my arse and going to write some new guidelines lo!! THANK YOU