My husband has had to pick up many more responsibilities over the past year and a half because of the progression of my MS. He already had a full plate but now with the added duties of grocery shopping, errands , getting me to and from appointments and all the other things I used to do, his plate is beyond full. I just fill so bad to ask him to do one more thing. I am so thankful for him because I have begged him to leave or let me leave so that he could have a much better life with someone who can help carry the load, who can travel with him, someone that he doesn’t have to worry about when he’s gone and someone who can just be a normal partner to him. He won’t hear of my request because he says he loves me, all of me, just the way I am. I am beyond blessed and I know that so please don’t blast me with comments saying I’m ungrateful or don’t know how good I have it because I do. I thank God every day that He continues to bless our marriage despite it being far from what we dreamed of. I just get tired of having to ask for something to be done and for asking if I need something. I’ve always been so independent and done everything my way and on my time schedule and the more independence that I lose the more sad and tired of this disease I become.
So tired of depending on my husband - My MSAA Community
So tired of depending on my husband
sounds like a really nice bloke, one who believes in that vow "for better or worse"
I hear you, girlfriend! I was dx in 1980 with Myasthenia Gravis, then MS in 1998. We have been married 37 years, with two adult sons, and two little granddaughters.
I don't beg him or even SUGGEST that he leave me! We have been each other's everything since we were young teens, and neither of us can even bear to imagine life any other way! It has taken a while, but now he finally accepts my disabilities, and realizes that there is really nothing much he can do to fix them. He encourages me to use my walker when I go out, since I have sustained several serious falls, ending up with a nasty serious concussion.
So now, I move slower, use the walker constantly, and life is better.
And we're both happier.
I totally understand. I've been dependent as far as I can remember. I'd would feel the same way.
Been divorced for few years now. I only wish I had someone to love me like that. That's wonderful. I know your so thankful and blessed to have him.
Take care and let him take care of you.
So heartwarming.
I totally understand the feeling. I Thank God for my loving husband. The two months in the hospital back in 2015 when I was paralyzed, I thought forsure he would leave me because it would be to much for him. I was wrong, he stuck by me every single day and moment and fought the insurance with my doctors to get me the medications I needed. Love is great!❤😊❤🌷
I am glad you keep on going because that’s the only thing to do. You don’t want to do the other thing. STOP
I know I am much older than you I’ve have been married for 34 years and we have known each other for a total of 41 years. Ok I’m 59 years old. My husband has stepped up to the plate, the cleaning plate and the eating dinner 🥘 plate. Thank your husband for all that he does.
I also have problems doing things and he does step up to help me when I need it
I feel the same way. I used to be so independent. I did everything around the house. Now I have to bother him all the time to help me with one thing or another. It sucks...TOTALLY
I was out in my yard the other day and it looks so bad, nothing like when I took care of it....it drives me crazy...but he's so busy with work and taking care of me I can't ask him for anything else His hair is greying and he blames me, says he always has to worry about me....makes me feel like shit...this is not how I pictured our lives when we got married 22 yrs ago!
I have MS and also need assistance so I have the same issue of being a burden on my wife. I have to look at it from the marriage vow: "For better or worse." I've learned that there is some of both!
Hi and welcome 30yearfighter ☺ let me set you straight, no one here will ever blast you! Tease you maybe, ☺ but you are so free to vent and share your feelings here. 🤗
You stay strong in the support you give him, with the love you show him. 🤗💕
Jes🌠🦈
Hi! You are very lucky!
I know how you feel as I have a wonderful man too!
I’m 56 and we are 38 years strong!!!
Yay for all of us!!
I truly understand what you're feeling. Think of the people who don't have
anyone to help them. I know it's so hard to ask for help.
Leslie
No one here is going to blast you, most of us have said it. I won’t say it ever again because of how upset it would make me if the tables were turned and he said those things to me.
What a lovely testament to marriage and love! I have a feeling that if someone asked your husband what it’s like to be a caregiver, he’d be honest and say that it’s hard sometimes and worth the effort every minute 😉
I am in the exact same position! Feel so guilty but I can only do so much. My husband is an angel. I have told him to leave or "let me leave so that he could have a much better life with someone who can help carry the load, who can travel with him, someone that he doesn’t have to worry about when he’s gone and someone who can just be a normal partner to him." (copied this from your post cuz it fit so well.) What can I do to make it up to him. Idk...
Just love him back and do as much as you can. He'll appreciate you anyway. ❤ Love is so good when your with the ONE!!! 😊❤🌷
So true Rosey! Thank you for that good reminder!💕
I could have written that post. I understand exactly how you feel. When you love someone it is so hard to feel you are making their life difficult. Along with losing your independence, its a pretty big pill to swallow. My sweet husband always asks me would I love him less, or want to leave him if he was the one with MS. I sorry you are dealing with these feelings too. It’s no fun. 🙏 Linda
I’ve told my husband the same exact thing for years. In fact, we were newly engaged when I was diagnosed. I told him that I was giving back his grandmothers ring, because I wasn’t going to be who he thought I would be when he proposed. (I had just finished law school) He said that he never would have given me the ring if he didn’t already mean the vows. Poor guy was in total denial and he even lied to me and said he had given shots before to guys playing football and juicing. When in reality he would run screaming from the locker room because he (like every normal non medical person) was afraid of needles. I have declined quickly in the last 4 years and I tell him “all I am is a source of stress, I don’t contribute anything else to your life!” I can’t communicate without saying so many of the wrong words. He knows that, but when he is exhausted from work and running around doing everything you mentioned your husband does for you he gets crabby (with good reason). I can’t remember anything he tells me and always forget whether I already told him about something. I can’t remember what happened on a favorite TV show or if I watched the last episode or not.
It sucks to be the reason why the love of your life has a stressful, unpredictable life instead of what you dreamed of together.
I feel like he deserves better and he shouldn’t be stuck with me. He says “you don’t deserve this either and I love you no matter what.” But I KNOW my negative outlook is toxic and it makes things worse for him.
Hey 30yearfighter,
We are all in it together, for better or worse. So, let's enjoy our lives while we can.
I have a husband very similar to yours and my approach is the same yours ~ telling him to get out from under while he can! But he stays, and I am eternally grateful to have someone who loves me unconditionally!
Stay strong,
Carole
I hear you, my friend, that loss of independence is so hard. I don't have a husband or a partner to tell me it will be ok, that it's alright.
I spent the night in the emergency room alone when I fell on my front steps, and fractured my skull and had multiple brain hemmorages. Yes, It would have been comforting to have someone beside me, but that is not the way it is, so I met a zillion Doctors on my own, listened to what they had to say, had them print out their reports, since I knew I wouldn't remember any of it the next day, and when I was released, the staff very kindly had a taxi take me home, since I had no family or friends available at 4:30 am. He was very kind, and helped me up those same steps that almost did me in! Most of my family are gone now, but I have very dear friends who are always here for me. I have a cousin with PPMS, I have a dear friend with RRMS, I have 2 other friends who call to check on me every morning....or I call or e-mail to report in to them! It is not a perfect system, but it works for me.
My life is not what I planned, as I am sure yours isn't! I spent over 35
years working at colleges and Universities, and the last 40 years with MS....and I've learned 1 thing.....go with the flow! Relax, find the peace inside you, be you. Your husband has chosen wisely.
He obviously wants you for you.YOU are worth loving and being loved just as you are.Just as he is.....If you could do you would do right?I have the opposite most of the time.That makes me sad for my spouse.I even send thank you cards in the mail to surprise him and show how grateful I am for any help at all.Small acts mean a lot.If you can sneak a note in a sandwhich, or have him hold your hand these are the things that mean so much.It sounds like you both still have a "twinkle" in your eyes for each other.Dont let any disease guilt you into a pushing away a partner that wants and needs to be there.Alot of life is not pretty....he loves you for you and you for him....I know that is special.
Do you remember "for better or worse, in sickness or health . . . . . ". Your husband clearly does. I hope this raises your spirits a little.
I totally understand. You have a very devoted and loving husband. I am in the same boat. Let's focus what you can do? Can you operate a computer? Online shopping for anything is available? Call the NMSS. They are wonderful. Also, try MSAA. Any questions, please free to write. One more resource to look up- lasagnalove.org. They will bring a you a FREE Homemade Lasagna.
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