Feeling over whelmed & stressed

Hey all ... so this past weekend was a rough one , my dads side of the family has always treated me different . My parents adopted me at 6 months & my cousins have always said I'm not part of the family because I'm adopted . On Saturday we were all together for a BBQ for my little cousins 10th birthday . My ms was crazy out of whack because I was stressing on how the family was going to be with me again . Today I woke up with being off balance & my vertigo is working over time . I don't want to sound like a whining kid but as adults we shouldn't ever make people feel not wanted . My dad was the man that didn't matter who you were If you had no where to go for Christmas he would invite you over . He always taught me that you treat people the way you want to be treated . I am so frustrated as my ms seems to be kicking my Butt because my family makes it so hard to relax . I am sorry I don't mean to whine but I can't function very well today , I'm saying a prayer that this passes . TIA for your help & support

14 Replies

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  • Chevy_mama, I'm so sorry for the stress your family is causing you and the way they make you feel. Even as mature adults, we can still feel the sting of feeling rejected.

    My sweet husband has always felt rejected by his family at times. When we moved, who was truly there for us? Our church family and my sister were the ones that rolled up their sleeves and did the really hard work. My husband is beginning to accept his family's limitations just as I had to do with an emotionally distant mother. It took me many years to understand her rejection had really nothing to do with me, but everything to do with her problems.

    I pray you find some beautiful substitutes who love you as you are for who you are. That has helped me so much to leave the rejection stings behind. I know I'm being simplistic, but I didn't want to feel as though negative, absent, or hurtful people to have such control over me. I can even feel sorry for my poor mother. Though I pray your wonderful dad's example will somehow dawn on the rest of his family, but until then, I pray you feel the love and comfort of God, and that your stress is defused.

  • Thx so much , I lost my dad 2 yrs ago & I pray everyday for help & guidance to get me & my ms back on track

  • Hi Chevy_mama:First I want to say I like very much watching your videos, you are a very nice person who care for others. Second sorry about loosing your father. My father was also my guidance, and the only one I had connection, not with my sisters neither my mother. Nowadays I have rejections since my father died, 13 years ago. My life changed a lot, but I survived. There are a lot of natural ways to reduce feeling stress. Just try to find what is better for you. Seems like you are strong and sensitive person. Just need to get back to your strong balance doing something that neutralize and enjoy, to get better in tracking. And the best of all: you care for others, having more vibrant, positive energy. Even a simple green tea with cammomile helps.

  • Your father was a wonderful man, Chevy_mama. As greaterexp stated, we often feel slighted or unaccepted even by our birth families. That may not take away the sting of rejection you have experienced and felt again on Saturday, but it's true, it's their problem and not you. But still, that rejection hurts. Even as an adult. Praying for your tender, wounded heart...and for your family members--that their (small) hearts and minds may be changed and be made new. 💕

  • Thx so much tutu :) your so kind

  • Hi Chevy_mama . I'm sorry that my words come so late but I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through physically as well as emotionally. Your father is right, you treat others how you want to be treated. If those family members treat you badly then just be done with them for your own sanity and peace. I've learned to deal with those who want to be in my life, that cut out a lot of the stress for me. Stress is not your friend living with MS so I hope/pray that you find your peace so that you can feel better soon!!!! Don't feel sorry for coming here to vent (you're not whining), that's what this place is here for and it's very helpful!

  • I adopted three kids. My view is that I raised them, laughed and cried with them, they're mine just as much as the one I gave birth to. I am fortunate that my family and my husband's family accepted them as part of the family. Your cousins never should have even been told that you were adopted as it's none of their business. To late for that, I know.

    Your cousins are very small minded and rude. Unfortunately you cannot change them but you can change your reaction to them. Forgive them for being small minded. That's not for them but for you. When they upset you they win.

    My oldest sister has tormented me since I was small and now I'm nearing 60. I was reading a book about grace and there was an excellent section on forgiveness and it struck a chord within me. I forgave my sister for being a jerk. I now feel peace about her and know that this is the blackness within HER and not me.

    Please try to find peace within yourself. Best wishes...

  • Beautiful, mrsmike9buffering. 💞

  • I clicked 'send' before I was done. 😳

    I'm not always as 'big' or forgiving as mrsmike9buffering is, Chevy_mama, but what she's written reminds me that boundaries are important too. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean giving them the power or freedom to hurt me again. I can't always control my reaction to things a certain family member says or does, but I can control the amount of time I spend with them. That has helped me tremendously.

  • I'm not "big and forgiving". It's taken nearly 60 years and just the right timing of reading what I did for it to hit me. I think when someone, especially a family member, has been so thoughtless and cruel, it takes a long time for a light to dawn in your own mind and be able to say, enough is enough, and forgive them for YOUR sake, not theirs. Freedom is ours to claim while the tormentors and small minded people can stay trapped in the cage of their own making. Free yourself!

  • So sorry you had a rough weekend. I hope you are able to take time to de-stress. When I am feeling overwhelmed I sit down, put my feet up and take 3 slow deep breaths. It usually works but if not do 3 more deep breaths. 😀

  • Thx BigMar

  • Chevy_mama , I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I always feel that anticipatory stress is the worst kind because we get ourselves all worked up and then the reality often turns out to be not as bad as we had thought it would but that doesn't make the MS effects any less. Family is very important in life, but I have learned a very hard lesson: I can care about my loved ones, but caring doesn't include giving or taking advice, giving or taking opinions; or suffering others' abuse. You need to take care of and do what is best for you. It's hard to break old habits, but you need to be the one to pick and choose whom you will see and when. If extended family get-togethers are too stressful for you, schedule something else instead and give your apologies and excuses and simply don't go. And then get help if you need to to not go on a guilt trip about it. It took me many relapses, tears, anger and guilt to learn this lesson. These are all poisons that none of us needs and they will destroy us. Best of luck to you, and feel better.

  • Chevy_Mama take it from a voice of experience. Don't let family drag you down. I never got along with my dads family to well either. They were never the get along well with kind of people.I haven't since been in communication since dads funeral in 1993 and don't miss them at all. My cousins were all snobs and we were never close. My dad was the best man I've ever known but his sisters were nothing like him. If they cause you pain write them off. We have enough stuff to deal with living with me. You have a new family bow. Your ms family and we will never make you feel like that. We all love you. When we need someone to talk to we have each other. God bless you my friend.

    Donnie

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