Sick of feeling sad and helpless

[ajtiny]

Hi. I apologize ahead of time for this very lengthy post but I am hoping that somebody reading this will understand. I was diagnosed with MS in 2005 but my first episode was in 1997. I think I don't pretty well and continued teaching preschool children with disabilities until I was forced to retire in 2011 after the last bad relapse. I have been on Tysabri since 2010.

Fast forward to a few years ago when I developed severe gastroparesis (delayed stomach emptying) which threw me for a loop and FOREVER changed me. I lost a ton of weight and a ton of friends, but more importantly, I lost myself. I don't consider myself fun to be around anymore and get very nervous being around people for that reason. I am overwhelmed, especially in public. I am unable to make decisions, and get really panicked over the stupidest little things. My anxiety is through the roof. I have bad OCD now. I am on martizapine and the dr just started me on Lexapro, as well. This, of course, adds to my stress because of the potential side effects.

I have so much to be thankful for, so why do I feel this way? I have a wonderful husband who didn't believe me when I was diagnosed with MS and he stuck by me every step of the way but I feel so bad for him. I am a lot to handle these days. Thank you for listening. 😒

[Hidden]

Ajtiny it's MSFighter wishing you a warm welcome to this amazing chat room. AJ, you have found a safe place to voice concerns and ask questions. Many of us have had the same concerns when faced with the same issues that you have and are facing. For your gastroparesis has anyone sent you to a dietitian? If not, i beiieve they could help you. Does the doctor have you on probiotics to help your intestines work better? What about yogurt? They both have a provren record of providing good bacteřia to you gut, thus basically fertilizing your stomach and intestines. If you get those two up to snuff on levels of good bacteria I bet you have fewer issues with your intstines and gut.

I have been Lexapro for several years now and it has dramatically helped me. Stop fretting about Lexapro and simply let it do its job . When you go out in public why don't you get a mall buddy to go out with you. Make sure it's someone stable and who you know and trust. If you trust him you believe what they say more. I hope at least one of these ideas helped. I am glad to have found this chat room. I want you to remember that together we are stronger. And I invite you to become our newest MS Warrior. When we fight MS, we never give up and we never give in. We simply fight on. So fight on MS Warriors, fight on!

[ajtiny in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kindness, MSFighter.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Hi ajtiny Welcome to our wonderful chat, we are so happy your here.

So many of us understand where you're coming from, believe me. We might not be exactly where you are, but we understand.

I was on Lexapro for awhile yrs ago, until it stopped working for me. It is a very mild anti depressant, from what I understand. If you have questions or concerns about it, TALK to your Dr about it. I don't know how long you have been on it? But usally takes2-3 wks to kick in. Please do not take my word for it tho. Lol Just give it time

I'm also on Mirtzapine, my "head" Dr prescribed it to help me sleep. And for anxiety. Whereas l can have severe anxiety attacks. Sometimes you just have to focus on breathing, in and out.

Please know that your not alone here Your among friends and we talk about pretty much anything and everything here. But most of all support each other.

Ps that ocd kills ya doesn't it? It drives me nuts , I really try not to go in other rms cause l dont want to deal with it. hahaha

[ajtiny in reply to Jesmcd2]

Thank you for responding. I should have shared that I don't go on health unlocked all the time because of my OCD. I belong to several groups but it gets so overwhelming to even read.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to ajtiny]

ajtiny OCD can be crippling, if it gets to bad. And l dont mean to make light of it. I'm sorry. My oldest daughter has it a bit more than l do, along with Severe anxiety attacks. To the point where she will call in the middle of the night hysterical, barely able to breathe. At that point all l can do is talk her down and tell her to breathe, slowly, in and then out. And picture someplace special like the beach, with the waves. She is 27. And won't take anything for it. But this works for her.

The MSAA has great resources available, along with a toll free number to help. Give um a call to give you a helping hand. : [phone] MSAA

Also you can visit here anytime and just read! or send me a message

Just hang in there, life is to short to be stressed!

[ajtiny in reply to Jesmcd2]

Thank you so much for your response. I will be contacting the MSAA next week. Put it on my calendar.

[Hidden in reply to Jesmcd2]

Jesmcd2, great response! I'm sure Ajtiny found a lot of commom links to help her with.in your post. MSFighter....

[RobertCalifornia]

I too do not like crowds or loud noises. Unfortunately my family is large and loud. I sometimes have to leave the room and find a quiet place. I try to focus on the good things in life like time with my grandchildren, not that i can't coach them in soccer like my daughter and I planned. Instead I go to their games and watch and cheer.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to RobertCalifornia]

I hear you there RobertCalifornia I Love having all my girls together at the same time, but let's face it. I created Monster's! They turn into 3yr Olds again, when they come home. Yikes! ♡ This yr my oldest is bringing her bf and his 2 children also. I live in the bottom half of a house, it's not that big lol. 12 - 13 ppl in a 2 bdrm? I see ALOT of smoke breaks in my future, along with Xanax hahaha Lord help me.

[WAshingtongirl]

ajtiny , MS affects us all so differently. I can't begin to understand all you suffer because of it, but I do understand how MS changes us and how frustrating that can be.

Although he may not understand it all, it sounds as though you have blessed with a loving husband. I'm sure you would do the same for him if your roles were reversed.

I pray your doctor is able to get you feeling better soon. We're here anytime you need someone to listen. 💕

[Fancy1959]

Ajtiny, it's Fancy1959. It is very good to hear from you again. I have missed talking with you. Not OCD can be tough. But please, please don't let it keep you away from the valuable support you will find on this website. I too have OCD but it mostly hits me when i find myself doing and redoing ane redoing things sometimes a dozen times perhaps until it's just the way I like it. When it kicks in and it drives me nuts. I came up with an idea that you could perhaps at read perhaps two post a day and then you stop so it doesn't overwhelm you. Simply browse through 5 or 6 post titles until you find something that you connect to., Then make yourself stop. I know it won't be hard to make yourself stop but please just keep in mind that your goal is to be comfortable on this site. Perhaps next month you can increase your reading and even responded to both. Go slow and steady. AJtiny, we have so much to offer you. Please don't throw us away. We can become your friend, you're confident, the best medicine you found in a long long time. But you have to use us in order to overcome your worst enemy. Your OCD, that is linked prominently with your MS. Remember together we are stronger. Don't throw us away. We can help and more important we want to help.

[ajtiny in reply to Fancy1959]

Thank you for you response Fancy. I am sorry you feel I was throwing you guys away. That isnt the case. I tend to read but not respond, so I haven't been totally away.

[Fancy1959 in reply to ajtiny]

We're glad you're at least reading our post. There's nothing wrong with being silent until you have something to say. AJtiny, I was told once said that if you listen carefully you're absorbing twice as much as if you're speaking because you have two ears and one mouth. Haha! Remember we're always here if you need us, just a post away. I'd be honored to talk to you again. Remember together we are stronger.

[ajtiny in reply to Fancy1959]

Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding ❤

[karenmbloom]

I understand...I'm right w/you. I have to leave a store or event sometimes as I can't handle some situations. I'm in a motorized wheelchair and can feel myself being boxed in - and feel out of sight as i'm below eye level. Lexapro did me good for 8 yrs,just changed as life was becoming more overwhelming for me as i face some major decisions. And MS girlfriend....we know how hard it is to make a decision!! So it's ok to vent...especially to us. I just did a post similar....it's so difficult to not understand our bodies and then throw in our mental and emotional state. Yikes......btw my dr also allows me xanax to help when I feel things building up. Blessings to you.

[ajtiny in reply to karenmbloom]

Thank you, Karen, for your reply and well wishes. Wishing you much peace. Alisa

[jackiesj]

How are you feeling now?

[ajtiny in reply to jackiesj]

Hi Jackiesj. Thank you for asking. I can't believe that this was 5 years ago. Fast forward to now, I am sooooo much better physically AND mentally. It took a long time and a lot of hard work with an amazing therapist. I also realize after just rereading my original post, my husband didn't leave me, not that he didn't believe me. He's been great through everything. I finally "found" myself after getting off so many pharmaceuticals, including my monthly infusion. I found good distractions that let me get outside my head a bit. I was finally diagnosed with PTSD, due to the people who were supposed to protect me the most (unfortunately, my parents). I have learned to protect and stick up for myself, which helps tremendously, which meant walking away from those who hurt me instead of continuing to go back for more. An important step in this journey has been yoga and meditation.....every day no matter how I feel. I will always have MS and the stomach issues that go along with the damaged vagus nerve, however, with a strict diet helps a lot. Wishing you love and light.

Alisa