I love figs, and after watching several videos on growing figs in cold climates I decided to order small fig trees on the Internet. Where I live, you can’t put them outdoors in the month of May, the time when you usually receive them. So, I put them in the greenhouse and countless times a day I went in to check whether they had any new green growth on them. I didn’t see any for a long time, which is normal because plants need time to adjust to a new environment. However, I became desperate. I constantly wondered whether I watered them too much or not enough, they were too cold or too hot, they had too much sun or not enough, etc. I even resorted to the extreme measure of cutting small openings in the pots and covering them with transparent plastic so I could see whether the roots were growing or dying. In the end, I realized that what was supposed to be a source of pleasure had become a source of anguish. It’s when I decided to wholeheartedly embrace a more sensible approach to fig tree care: to provide optimal care for a plant indeed, but also be open to the possibility of not getting the desired results. It wasn’t always easy, but made my hobby more peaceful and enjoyable in the end.
This gradual shifting from what is supposed to be gratifying to what becomes a distressing obsession doesn’t happen just with objects. If we see people becoming desperate and imagining the worst types of scenarios because the person they just fell in love with doesn’t respond as fast as they would like to a text they've just sent, we may have reasons to wonder sometimes whether falling in love is a source of enjoyment or of stress.
This raises the question of how to prevent caring for something or someone from shifting into an obsession. There is nothing wrong in experiencing a desire to be a good person, healthy, to see a project succeed or no harm happening to a loved one, etc. That desire not only brings joy when it’s satisfied, but also while we’re seeking its satisfaction.
A problem arises when we want so much our desires to be satisfied that we’re ready to do anything for that to happen at the expense of our real values and overall quality of life. However, the fact is that it’s possible to make sensible decisions and get undesirable results, and make questionable decisions and obtain favorable results. Some things are more probable than others, but everything is possible. So, it becomes tempting to take extreme measures to maximize the chances to get what we desire, but when one embarks on that path it’s never enough because one can never be absolutely sure of the final results.
To prevent oneself from entering that downward spiral, it's important to also rely, as a source of emotional well-being, on the valid belief we generally make good decisions in a timely fashion, not just on the probability of our actions having desirable outcomes. Were the worst to occur, that belief is a source of comfort. If, in order to feel good, we count exclusively on the success of our efforts, it’s not surprising that they turn into a distressing obsession we’re ready to satisfy at any cost because their success has become imperative in the absence of a more reliable source of emotional well-being.
Trying not to give in to OCD right now!!! Help!!!
Unexplained light
Fear of being perceived as a “bad person”, cultural appropriation, and Reddit
