Hello,
I have a daughter who is 12 years old. Everyday and all times of the day she says she is afraid of the future. She is afraid we (her parents) will die. She is afraid what will happen in the future.
Can you please offer any tips for me as a mom?
I”m lost on how to help her. I’m debating about treatment of ERP too. She does NOT like CBT. She is on the spectrum.
Thank you so much.
Let's take the hypothetical case of 2 persons who are anxious about some upcoming exams. The first person decides to rely on a good luck charm to feel more confident about the exam results. It may work for a while, but if he realizes he's missing his lucky piece just before entering the exam room or doesn't get the desired results, his confidence may be shattered.
On the other hand, the other person relies on being prepared for the exam, and if she doesn't succeed as well as she'd like to, she would at least have the comforting thought of having done her best. Whose confidence is more sustainable?
Anxiety about the future is a sign that one cares about the future but isn't certain about how the future will unfold. It has a positive role to play. What's important is how we deal with anxiety. We could rely on rituals/good luck charms, ruminations, or other compulsions to reduce our anxiety. This approach isn't sustainable. In times of hardships, we realize how flimsy those "crutches" are. Or we could rely on the acceptance that we can't control everything in life and the determination of living the best life possible given the circumstances. This is a more reliable source of well-being. As a mother, you could guide her in that direction and help her face the difficulty of switching from an unhealthy way to reassure herself (constant worrying) to healthier ways (trying to live a responsible and reasonably satisfying life in an imperfect world).
Thank you so much for these ideas/thoughts on how to go about raising her with this anxiety. It was generous of you to give examples and explain it all. I’m going to sit on this and sift it for awhile cuz it’s great advice. Many thanks!
You're welcome. What I said basically comes from values-based ERP: to stop doing what we wrongly think is helpful in solving problems (overthinking) and start to do what's really helpful (living a life in line with our values), even if it's not always easy.
The IOCDF has an Autism and OCD Resource Center. Go to iocdf.org, click on Learn More and you will see it.
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