OCD Playing Chess

[Winchester2022]

I used to play chess as a lot then stopped for a few years and now was looking to get back into it as something to do on my spare time. There is a club in my town that I wanted to start going to at least a few times a month. When I'm not having OCD, chess can be a fun, challenging, and creative outlet as well as a chance to socialize with others. The problem for me is, though, that these days many people are competetive and get upset when they lose, and this takes some of the fun away from it for me. If I played decently I am fine with any result- this is in a way just a past time for me and a way to unwind from work.

One specifc way that OCD gets in the way is: in tournaments you play with a timer. Each player starts with the same amount of time, and their time only runs down when it's their move. Once they move, they press a button which stops their time from ticking down and starts the other player's time ticking down. E.g. if we each start with five minutes on our clock and I've thought for a total one minute on my first ten moves, I'll have four minutes left. Some players when they are low on time will be moving the pieces quickly and may knock some of them over. The rule is that they are not supposed to press the button that stops their time until they've picked up the pieces. If they don't pick them up it the opponent might make a mistake because they thought the piece was on one square when it was really on the other. My OCD comes into play with certain players because I keep thinking what if they knock pieces over and don't pick them up on their time. Will I call them out on it, which may seem too adversarial, or should I just let it go and enjoy the game. I get distracted by thinking of the awkwardness of what I'll do if they knock pieces over. My feeling is to pick battles wisely since nothing is at stake really in these tournaments (I'm not playing for the low prize money that's offered there), and that I shouldn't lower myself. On the other hand it bothers me when others aren't playing fairly. 

How can I approach this mentally in a way that doesn't  spoil the game for me?

​​​​​​​Thanks!

[kenster1]

one thing I can say you can`t determine how others take defeat but you can be in control of your feelings and having a bit of fun is the right approach win or lose shake your opponents hand and say good game.

[deValentin]

If you rely too much on others' fairplay to enjoy the game and others don't respect the rules as much as you'd like and as much as you do yourself, then the enjoyment is gone. The game becomes a source of stress.

On the other hand, if you rely on your ability to stand up for yourself without being too rigid to enjoy the game, then you have greater chances to enjoy it because your enjoyment depends more on things you can control.

Those are the basic tenets of the Stoic philosophy, which, in my opinion, is of great help to deal with a world that's not always like we'd like it to be.

[Winchester2022 in reply to deValentin]

Thank you. I just am afraid of conflict and looking petty. Thinking about what I will say during the game in advance of something having happened is a big distraction too which I haven’t been able to shake.

I used to also worry about my opponent getting violent and have lost many games cus of that too.

Playing in a tournament in an hour btw.

[deValentin in reply to Winchester2022]

I understand. It's tempting to let one's confidence depend on anticipating every possible scenario and how we'll respond to it. Or we can reasonably trust ourselves and in some situations decide to cross bridges when we come to them one at the time. Good experiences build up our self-confidence.

[Mom2DnJ]

why don’t you start playing again and see what happens. Maybe what you are stuck on won’t even happen. IF it does come back here and we’ll support you in deciding how to move forward. 🩵

[Winchester2022 in reply to Mom2DnJ]

I appreciate it!