My damn Intrusive thoughts, with questions

[RUtalkingtome]

My intrusive thoughts are worries, suspicions, and paranoia about what I might have done to harm or upset someone socially, or fear of a confrontation, or fear of being wrongfully accused of something; these thoughts are normally triggered by an encounter that I imagine didn't go well or an encounter that might not go well in the future. If I have fear of violence it is always about violence against me, brought on by something I said--without any intent to harm anyone.

I get caught in a circuitous pattern that takes me forever to break.

Worrying about confrontation in the end is always a waste of time because I usually handle confrontation pretty well when I have no choice, although on the inside my heart is racing like mad.

Does anyone else worry:

*that you said something someone didn't like?

*that your appearance or the look on your face makes you unlikable or gives people the wrong impression of you?

*that you didn't get a chance to say goodbye properly when ending a phone call with someone, or

*wondering why someone just hung up on you, without saying goodbye, after a phone call that was normal?

*Find an excuse to revisit a store where the cashier was rude to make sure everything is OK and being overly nice to make sure they're not mad at you?

*that you're wanted by authorities for something you didn't do?

*checking the police blotter to make sure no one is looking for you or, to make sure you didn't get speed camera ticket?

The worst part of all this for me is putting my wife of 40 years through all the ruminations, worry and constant reassurance seeking. I've asked her not to give me reassurance, and she doesn't really. She just lets me know how stupid I sound, she'll make a joke about my latest worry.

Lately, when coming home from activities or events with others, I ask my wife if I was received well and do you think I/we made a good impression; she always looks at me cross-eyed and says something like "Oh they couldn't stand you, hated you, especially when they smiled at you and laughed at your jokes, they were just faking, I don't think we should ever see them again, maybe we should move."

I'm back in therapy this Tuesday, I need to get back to where I was a few years ago when kept my OCD in locked in the closet.

RUtalkingtome

[Lauragbr]

Although I never had your “ theme” of OCD I know it is a common one. Here’s the thing about OCD . It doesn’t matter what the theme is you treat OCD the same. Your brain is giving you false narratives, I know it feels real. You know this is OCD but you can’t help to react. The idea is to acknowledge the thoughts but don’t go down the rabbit hole. Going down the rabbit hole, ruminating, examining the feelings, etc. only fuels your OCD. So happy you are going back to therapy! I’m sure that will be very helpful. Keep us posted.