Embarrassing Moment

[Winchester2022]

Last September I went on a weekend trip with a friend to the Mountains. We had known each other for ten years prior and had been friends for four years. At night we were playing backgammon on the bed and we both had our shoes and socks off. I noticed that on my right foot the nail on my middle toe wasn't cut, and it was noticeably longer than the other nails. To make matters worse, I compulsively began looking at my nail to see how it looked and since I was self conscious.

During the four years when we were friends, there were regular periods where she'd go incommunicado for weeks or sometimes even months, but this is the longest period that we haven't met since we became friends- now almost 8 months. I did reach out to meet a few weeks after our trip and she said she couldn't meet that week but could meet the next, but I wasn't able to meet the next week. She never responded to my attempts to schedule a new meet.

Now I'm feeling like I hope this wasn't cus of the nail. I am upset with myself for not taking care of that prior to being away with her in an intimate setting. Now I am feeling that if we meet again I need to make sure we are bare footed again and that she sees this time my nails are cut. The whole thing is making me feel very impure. If she stopped meeting me for some other reason I could more easily accept it, but it's hard for me to think it's because I was so inattentive. This has been on my mind for nearly 8 months. What should I do?

Thanks

[Hello9876]

In these situations I like to think, how would I react if things were the other way around? If she had one uncut toe, would I stop communication with her? The answer is likely no. The answer is probably she never even noticed, and if she did then it probably left her mind after a couple of seconds. Try and think of a time you’ve noticed something like that about someone. Did it change the way you felt about them?

[Natureloverpeace]

My guess is that she didn’t even notice that one toenail was longer than the others. If she did, it probably didn’t matter. It can be easy to assume the motivation for someone’s behavior but assumptions are often wrong.

[sophiebrodie]

A few things to ponder:

1. Did she actively notice you looking at your toenail? Like, did she see you looking at your toe?

2. Did she notice that your toenail was different? I'd only tell because I have that issue, but a normal person does not care. Unless she was that type, she probably wouldn't have noticed.

3. You said that she sometimes goes off the radar. Is there anything different about this change than with the new ones? If you took the situation out of the equation, would you feel this anxious?

Be HONEST with this. Don't let your OCD worm its way into your head with a "I'm not sure." Look for definite proof. If you need some help, get a trusted person in your life with an outside perspective who preferably is good at "reality checks" as I call them

Just some questions I learned to ask myself in therapy, since I have this issue too.

Hope it helps!

[Chilly_Willy]

This girl has a totally different problem that is not caused by your toe nail. Dissapearing for a while is her problem that is ironically tormenting you... try to find another girl or boy that likes to hang out and is available in a normal way. You will realize you are not the problem here...

[Winchester2022]

Chilly_Willy Natureloverpeace sophiebrodie Hello9876

I appreciate your responses. My OCD level has been reduced a lot over the past few days