I’m in the twelfth grade, around 18 years of age. I’ve been dealing with an immense amount of anxiety since last summer and I was wondering if my experience sounds like obsessive compulsive disorder. I know this isn’t the place for a real diagnosis but I’m considering seeing a therapist soon and getting a real diagnosis.
In the summer before 8th grade, one day I felt guilty about this one time a year earlier I shorted an electrical outlet in my bedroom from messing around with it and lied to my parent about how it happened. But strangely I had this reaction to bury that thought instead of accept it. Every time it crossed my mind I became conscious of it and it furthered that reaction to bury it and try not to think about it until it was just a flat out obsession. And the thought that was giving me anxiety shifted from guilt over lying about the electrical outlet to simply the awareness of this obsession/anxiety in and of itself. One day I ate a hard boiled egg and obsessed all day because I felt like I couldn’t get the chalky yolk out the back of my throat. And one day I became conscious of things like breathing and blinking and thought “what if these processes get stuck on ‘manual-mode?’” Every time I became aware of my anxiety again I would have this “aha” moment and feel anxious and try not to think about it, which just made me think about it more.
Luckily, after a couple months, all that went away. I forgot about it day to day. But last June, on the first day of summer , I was chilling out in the garage watching TV when I remembered this ordeal. Part of me thought “what if it happens again?” And so I felt anxious. And I tried to bury it. And I noticed it every time I remembered my anxiety again. And so after two weeks I was in a deep state of anxiety since I felt I couldn’t shake this awareness of anxiety for more than a minute at a time.
Eventually it got a little better. One day I was reading something on my phone and I looked at the clock and I thought “wow, it’s been 10 minutes since I thought about that anxiety thing” Then I thought, “don’t look at the clock.” All the sudden clocks became the trigger for my anxiety. I didn’t want to use electronics because they have a clock on the screen at all times. I didn’t wear a watch for a month.
For the most part, the single intrusive thought that’s been tormenting me for 9 months is just an awareness of this whole ordeal. Not particularly scary, but I feel like I always have that unproductive reaction that tells me “don’t think about it, and remember it as soon as your mind slips onto something else.” So I’m always searching for distractions, and I avoid situations that allow me to do too much thinking. I scroll on my phone for hours at at time. I get good grades, but I’ve been avoiding boring homework assignments for fear that I won’t be able to focus on anything but that anxious obsessing.
Some days are better than others. Today has been no good. I’m sick of being so hyper vigilant on my thoughts that I notice as soon as my mind shifts to anything other than anxiety. Yesterday I tried going on a bike ride instead of scrolling on my phone. Instead I just obsessed over this whole ordeal during the bike ride. Now I don’t feel like doing that again.
All I want is to be able to go a decent chunk of time focusing on other things and not remembering all this. But I feel like that attitude, the fear of remembering this ordeal, is why it pops up in my head constantly. Something has to change though, because it’s been really severe the last 9 months. It feels like my life will never be the same. How do you dig yourself out of a severe obsession?
On one hand, I feel like my experience is different from what I usually think of as OCD, like intrusive thoughts about germs or intrusive thoughts about harming someone. I don’t care about germs. I don’t fear harming anyone. But one thing is for sure, which is that I have obsessive intrusive thoughts that cause me a great deal of anxiety. Those thoughts, though, literally are just an awareness of anxiety that I try to avoid so hard that I become so aware of my own thoughts until I can’t think about anything else. My parents have been willing to listen to me and offer help, but I don’t think they really understand the severity. In any case, I’ll probably ask soon to start therapy.
Anyway, I’m hanging in there. What do you all think? Have any of you had a similar experience. And do you think therapy is something that will help me? (I’m guessing yes)
Thanks for your time and wishing you all the best on your own personal journeys. 🙂
Written by
go_kings
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
You probably know about the pink elephant paradox: the more you try not to think of something, the more you’re driven to think about it.
I’m not trying to make a diagnostic, but it’s very common, if you’re predisposed to OCD and an anxious thought comes to your mind, to become obsessed by the possibility that that disturbing thought may never leave you or may return at any time. This is a vicious cycle because that experience shakes your self-confidence and feeds more anxiety. The more you try not to think of an unwanted possibility, the more you think about it, the less you can focus on your normal activities, and the greater the chances to fall into the OCD trap.
A form of cognitive-behavioral therapy will most likely help you dig yourself out of the OCD hole. With CBT, you first stop avoiding potentially triggering circumstances. You don’t let OCD or the fear that something undesirable may happen prevent you from doing what you really want to do in life. In other words, don’t let OCD dictate the course of your life. I reckon, it’s not an easy challenge, but it becomes easier with small successes and the passing of time.
In addition, you examine your beliefs. Maybe it’s your desire to solve a problem that makes the problem worse. Sometimes our efforts are counterproductive when we make an incorrect attribution. We may think that we’re overly anxious because we’re not sure of the future, and if we only could guarantee a perfect future, our excessive anxiety would disappear. That’s an erroneous assessment of the situation. If we’re self-confident, we can face a somewhat uncertain future. We’re overly anxious when we let OCD prevent us from living a reasonable life and, as a consequence, problems accumulate in our lives. We need to realize that if we don’t engage in normal activities, the passing of time will fill us with anxiety. This is normal when we’re reasonably conscientious. It’s where our excessive anxiety comes from.
The purpose of CBT is to help you:
1. face reality;
2. attribute your unbearable anxiety to the right sources;
3. refrain from ruminating over all the possible ways the future can go wrong;
Sounds like you have general anxiety disorder and you have a over active conscious. We all make mistakes and tell fibs. I think by the sounds of it your morally honest and feel guilty about lying. There is a ocd called pure O,which means pure obsession which you are, but there is no such thing as only obsession. Your ruminating which is a compulsion. It's a mental ritual. Your giving this thing to much power, no ones hurt, don't be to hard on yourself. If you try not to think about it, it will come into your mind even more. Try to label it as intrusive then go back to what your doing. You have to types of conscious thoughts automatic which we can't control and thoughts we can pay attention to.bi recommend medito the mindfulness app,completely free. If the thought pops in your head,label it as intrusive then go back to a anchor like your breath,sounds,feelings to bring you back into present. General anxiety you have by sounds of it. Your catastrophising. That's what ocd does. If the thought comes into your head just label it intrusive and go back to what your doing. Your giving the thought to much power. We all have guilty thoughts,so don't worry. Over active conscious you have. Anxiety starts your fight or flight risk your just catastrophising. Keep calm, there's nothing to worry about,its built all in your head. See a doctor though,as you are obsessing and ruminating which is a sneaky mental compulsion.
Conscience sorry, auto spell lol. Over active Conscience you have. Try do a hobby to take your focus of what you're obsessing over. I meditate, learn Spanish and if a intrusive thought comes in I notice it, label as intrusive and gi back to what I'm doing. Most problems don't even exist,your just catastrophising that's what anxiety and ocd dies,attack your morals and values.
It’s hard to say because some of this could be attributed to an anxiety disorder. Although most people with OCD have anxiety as a symptom not everyone does. OCD is no longer classified as an anxiety disorder for various reasons. Obsessive thoughts and rumination can also be symptoms of an anxiety disorder. The YBOCS or DOCS assessment can be used to rule OCD in or out, plus the severity if you have it. Whether it’s OCD or not, it’s causing you great distress and interfering in your schoolwork so I’m glad you’re seeking diagnosis and help. Kudos to you for having the courage and willingness to seek help.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Staying strong amongst a virus, what are you doing to treat your OCD in a time of crisis?
Don’t know what to do!!
Let’s start a thread?
How do you overcome self-doubt? Also new here
OCD handwriting magical thinking daily struggle at work
