Premonition or intrusive thought?

[Djtld41]

hi I’ve suffered from ocd since my oldest child was born about 18 years ago. I’ve been on sertraline since then. I suffer from checking, usually surrounding bedtime, checking the windows, the doors multiple times, making sure the kids are still breathing. I usually do all of it a couple times before I finally can settle down and go to bed. I’ve lived with this for years and although my family thinks I’m weird i feel it’s manageable. Sometimes I get the occasional don’t wear those socks or something bad might happen thoughts. I’ll usually just roll my eyes and grab another pair. I’ve also had the intrusive thoughts. Like when I was pregnant with one of my kids while cutting an apple I remember thinking “what if I stab my belly with this knife?” While extremely disturbing yes, I was able to move on. But this new thought I’ve been having has taken on a whole new level that I can hardly function from day to day. I think about it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I cry daily, I’ve had panick attacks about it. I search the internet for anybody having anything similar that has happened. Anyway let me explain. When I was pregnant with my youngest. I had this ping while in church and a thought pop in my mind “she is not yours to keep” she’s 4 now and of course I’ve stewed over it over the years but haven’t dwelt on it. New Year’s Day I’m sitting on my bed with her and a new ping and thought popped in my brain. “This is the year and she won’t make it to her next birthday”. Her birthdays in three weeks and it has been debilitating. I had never had heard of intrusive thoughts but recently learned about them trying to calm myself down from this thought. And it’s been slightly comforting, because yes I do have those from time to time. But the other half of brain tells me what if this is a premonition of some sort? I’m nothing special, I’ve never been able to see the future. I’m just trying to make sense of this and want my daughter to grow up and live a normal happy life. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I am actually desperate!!!

[deValentin]

Your brain is sending you bad omen messages: “If you wear those socks, something bad will happen” or “harm will happen to a loved one before a certain date”. Those thoughts are not uncommon. However, most people would dismiss those messages as rubbish and move on. You don’t seem to believe you can. What can you do?

First of all, don’t try to argue with those messages. It’s impossible to prove or disprove their accuracy with absolute certainty. Wondering whether or not it’s a premonition is also a dead-end. You’ll never know for sure, and look at the debilitating effect your wondering has on your life. Once you face reality, though it may not be easy, and see the cost of your endless wondering, you may be less inclined to indulge in it.

Secondly, you need to make a choice and not let your impulse to mull over the meaning of that alarming thought decide for you. Either you decide to spend your waking hours wondering whether that “prophecy” will come true with all the negative consequences your decision entails or you decide to leave that matter alone. If you don’t decide one way or the other, the mood of the moment will decide for you. There is no other alternative. If your daughter had the same scary thought about you, that is, “you won’t make it to your next birthday”, what advice would you give you her?

One way people handle their excessive worrying is to set a predetermined time of, let’s say, 30 minutes a day to indulge in their worrying at their leisure. If they had been waiting the whole day for that time, once the time comes and their emotional crisis has somewhat subsided, they don’t feel anymore the same intense urge to overthink. They realize it’s sometimes a matter of letting time pass and the problem that used to torment them loses its emotional importance.

If you’re troubled by the thought in question, it means that you have a delicate conscience, and the temptation for people with a delicate conscience is to be so intent to solve a problem that they sometimes don’t realize their excessive concern doesn’t serve any purpose except making matters worse. I hope you’re able to resist that temptation and choose what’s best for you and your family in the long term.

[Djtld41 in reply to deValentin]

Thanks so much for the reply and advice. Although I don’t think I’ll truly be at peace until her birthday has come and gone and she’s still here and healthy. I like your advice about if she had the same thought about me because of course I would tell her she’s being silly and not to worry about it.

[deValentin in reply to Djtld41]

When you see things from a different perspective (for instance, it’s your daughter telling you she worries about losing you before your birthday because of a “bad omen” thought), OCD loses some of its punch. This proves to show that looking at your intrusive thoughts with fresh eyes or an independent observer’s point of view is helpful.

Because you aren’t 100% sure of the ridiculousness of your intrusive thoughts, you say that you won’t be truly at peace until her birthday passes without incident. That will clearly confirm the lack of validity of your intrusive thought. However, I’m wondering whether you could be reasonably at peace beforehand by deciding to stop pondering over the validity of your intrusive thought and getting used to your difficult decision with the passing of time. I wish you can.

[Mcfly64]

Hi. Are you seeing a therapist about your ocd?

[Djtld41]

no I’m not. It’s usually pretty manageable up until now 😵‍💫

[beth196]

I have intrusive thoughts. I’m on 80 mg Prozac and clonazepam .75 mg. This lets me push the thoughts away reassurance doesn’t work. This disorder c as n be very debilitating. If you don’t suffer from OCD it’s very hard to understand the control it has over you. I joined a support group and starting erp next week