A movie provoked anxiety and Intrusive th... - My OCD Community

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A movie provoked anxiety and Intrusive thought that feels so real and I'm feeling suicidal due to it...

Iamshinobii profile image
11 Replies

So I was watching a movie (A seribian film) while watching it the hero or the guy just forgots what he's done to his family wife and his kid..later he realise he was medicated and he fucked them unconsciously for a snuff film..I watched to movie to reduce porn addiction and all but it caused me more distress I'll tell you. while watching the problem is..I got an Intrusive thought or a thought that did I had any sexual intercourse with my sibling (sister ) in past when I was a kid like in the movie he forgets it due to some medication or something but this provoked anxiety and all I'm having panic... Idk I have a sudden feeling of danger or panic attack I need to ask my sister about this she went to school today...so when she came home I asked her she said no, Never happened and she was angry at me I asked her a hundred of times today..

I never do it I'm having suicide thoughts man..some kind of mental state I can't explain I'm afraid because the thought seems so real to me... because at that time of age (10,11,12) me and my sister played wrestling in real life because we watched WWE at that time when dad went to pick mom we're alone at that time with grandma she just watch tv and we go to room and start fighting.....but oh ..but I never did it..this isn't me I used to do wrestling moves with her like body slam and ..she also do some kicks on me too but never happened this..

She's now 12..I'm afraid that did she forgot that or what... because when we played wrestling we're alone at home only for 10 or 5 minutes because dad went to pick mom that's the time when we play wresling...she is 5 years younger than me...

I have OCD,I was recovering from another incident but now this...it's been 4 months I hate myself

Idk my anxiety is rising up

I have OCD and anxiety...

And my thought is what if I she said no that doesn't happened..is she don't remember it..like that

Idk even know how to masterbrate and all I never had this thought..or feelings or doubt like this of sexual intercourse....and she said I never did it it's my OCD thoughts and all but I can't fully be certain of this

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Iamshinobii profile image
Iamshinobii
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11 Replies
deValentin profile image
deValentin

If you rely on absolute certainty to regain peace of mind, it’s pointless. Reasonable certainty is good enough, then it’s a matter of moving to something else. It’s hard work first because it’s easier to chase complete certainty and seek excessive reassurance by asking a hundred times the same question than to tolerate a reasonable degree of uncertainty. It gets better with time and practice though. Ask yourself what kind of life you really want to live (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy may be helpful in that regard) and stop depending on absolute certainty to feel at peace with yourself (Exposure and Response Prevention). Don’t lose hope. Recovery is possible with some work. In my opinion, some exposures may be too much like watching a porn movie with scenes of alleged incest (involving adult actors I assume), but it’s only my personal judgment.

Iamshinobii profile image
Iamshinobii in reply todeValentin

Idk know bro I'm in deep depression I feel like I betrayed my family and purpose in life..I always loved my childhood but this thought changed everything...I even hate myself I can't move on everytime I live them I felt regret I don't deserve this love..I know it's a thought and a scenario I asked my 12y/O sister did I do something like that can you remember or I asked her did I done something wrong to her...she told me never happened like that...this thought make me feel because we played wresling in a room for like 10 or 5 min when I was 11,12,13 and she is 5 younger than me...she told me nothing happened liked that..she told me I never done like that to her...but Idk what to do..I'm in my breaking point,I had trauma and panic attack after the movie and while having that thought during the movie...I can't sleep..everyday is getting worse..I may su**ide on the coming days...

deValentin profile image
deValentin in reply toIamshinobii

In case of suicidal thoughts, the best option may be to call a hotline. During a crisis, it’s often very difficult to think straight. Sometimes, it’s better to put things on the backburner, so to speak, and to reexamine the situation later on with a fresh and rested mind. To the extent it’s possible, going outdoors, talking to others, doing some work help to change one’s perspective. OCD makes bad situations worse in the end. It doesn’t reflect your true self. It’s only an excessive dependence on certainty. As one can learn not to depend too much on alcohol or gambling to be happy, one can learn not to depend too much on certainty and perfection to feel reasonably well (there are good videos on the internet about ERP).

Iamshinobii profile image
Iamshinobii in reply todeValentin

I'm okay now I asked my sister she told me nothing ever happened like that...I cried to her even though she's 12y/O..she said they are just thoughts not reality and not happened liked that. If something happened like that she'll always remember it more than me.. but nothing happened liked that and she put a 100% sure nothing happened..I know it was a compulsion..but it was necessary..I know it's a temporary relief but now I'm okay

deValentin profile image
deValentin in reply toIamshinobii

I'm glad you're feeling better, but if you don't want OCD to raise its ugly head again, learn not to rely too much on reassurance to put your mind at ease. Instead, learn to rely on response prevention for long-term results. With time, you get used to a reasonable degree of uncertainty in life, and then OCD attacks get fewer and fewer.

Brikir profile image
Brikir

First of all, never forget that you’re not alone, and realize how incredibly strong you are. You have all this anxiety and are being attacked by OCD, but you’re still going, and you’re seeking help. That is amazing, that takes strength and courage. The distress you’re describing is something I too have experienced(and still do), as so many with OCD have

You must see OCD thoughts for what they are. They’re a bully, attempting to push you around and do what they want you to do. How do you get a bully to leave you alone? By ignoring it. And by ignoring it, I don’t mean suppressing it. That is another compulsion that will only make it stronger. The OCD bully is fueled by engagement. The less we engage with the thoughts, the less strong they will become. If we don’t give it what it wants (reassurance) then the OCD bully will get bored eventually. You can win this battle, you can and will have a life that isn’t dictated by this. I know this because I’ve been there (and still am). There’s so many wonderful people in the OCD community, and all of us have been completely distressed and consumed by it too. But there is always ALWAYS hope.

Are you currently in therapy with an OCD specialist to help you navigate this?

TomFed profile image
TomFed

Watching porn is usually quite a compulsive behaviour by its nature, so you are headed in the good direction if you try to kick off this unhealthy habit. Kudos to you! I know it's not easy as we OCDers often use porn, alcohol, other substances to get a temporary dopamine relief from all the anxiety caused by OCD, so it might easily become an addiction. But from my experience, this kind of relief never helps, it often makes OCD symptoms even worse.

I have dealt with porn addiction at some degree before, so my advice would be write down main reasons why you want to kick off this habit, and how your life would be healthier and better without it. For me, first and foremost reason is that watching porn (which I sometimes did for hours throughout the day) was a daily obstacle for my healing. Watching porn for even as short as 15 minutes, tended to leave my mind unfocused and imbalanced for at least a couple of hours later. Another thing that I've noticed after mostly kicking off this habit, my sexual life became better and sexual energy (libido) flows more healthy, so I have much more enjoyable sex with my wife.

Reasons to quit might be similar or different for you, but as long as you look for the benefits, it will be easier to stay away from porn. My advice is don't make it moral-immoral thought battle kind of thing. I have no idea porn is moral or immoral, and if some folks do watch it in a healthy way, I have no problem with that. But from my experience, for a person with OCD it is not healthy at all from pure biological and psychological standpoint. I still occasionally end up browsing for some xxx rated stuff, like a couple of times a month, but nowadays I'm mostly able to stop it in a matter of few minutes. I praise myself for the effort I take, and don't go hard on myself if I have a short "relapse". We OCDers are often to hard on ourselves, saying that best way is to keep steady progress on your healing journey. Balance where it makes sense.

One more extra tip that I've come up by myself recently, every time I have an urge to open some xxx website while browsing my phone, I put away my phone immediately and concentrate on doing something else, usually in a couple of minutes the urge has passed.

Remember healing is always defined by actions we take, not thoughts and wishes we have. Good luck.

that movie is fucked up i had the same problem when i though i had sex with someone from my family and it wasnt true. just trust that if it was true your sister might be a totaly different person. if she is ok and not messed up in her head then its not true.

Iamshinobii profile image
Iamshinobii in reply to

She's really friendly to me I mean she never feel uncomfortable with me..but she was only5,6,7,8 of age bro..I feel doubt what if she can't remember..now she knows what is sex and all she's 12 now I asked her... indirectly and with my OCD and anxiety I asked her..she said nothing happened liked that....and she god promised me...and told me 100% sure about that...but still I feel uncertain because can she forgot something...like that and also I can't remember it too...my OCD fuckedmeup..

in reply toIamshinobii

with false memory ocd i would say dont try to figure out if it was true or not. tell yourself if she isnt affected by it and doesnt remember it then thats then it probably not true.

also you should sue the person who did this movie he is truly sick. i saw it myself i was traumatised when the guy had sex with his own son. i hade nightmares for months.

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