Rabbit Hole

[BeautifullyiMperfect]

Does anyone else in here go down a rabbit hole of psychoanalyzing every single little thing about life and its meaning, to the point where you can't function and nothing makes sense? Is this OCD or am I losing my mind? How do you escape this never ending pit? I've been making myself so sick and it has made me feel more hopeless than almost anything else in my life. How do I stop doing this and come back to reality? I need help bad.

[SlothQueen23]

Oh my gosh, YES! YES YES YESSSS. I feel like I wrote this post myself. For me, when I start to go down a rabbit hole, the moment that I NOTICE I'm going down it, I immediately do whatever I can to distract my mind and stop it from continuing, for example, I plunge my head into a bucket of ice water or something REALLY physical. Or I snap my fingers next to my ears and yell 'LA LA LA' as I get up and run around and then turn on the TV and try to watch something, because my mind can be so dangerous if I allow myself to keep falling down the rabbit hole and I never want to get stuck down there.

[BeautifullyiMperfect in reply to SlothQueen23]

I had no idea this was OCD or that anyone else experiences this! I've always thought it's just my own mind being psychotic or something. This was the beginning of the end of my life in my early 20s and nobody understood if I tried to explain it to them. Hell, I don't even understand it. If I try to articulate it it doesn't make as much sense as it does in my head, which is a good thing, but unfortunately it doesn't stop my mind from going there. I feel like I need to be in a mental hospital, but that definitely won't help either. I am completely hopeless. I want company but I'm embarrassed because I can't stop doing this! It's like when you're a kid and you start pondering which came first, the chicken or the egg - you finally drive yourself so crazy you scream at the top of your lungs because your mind can't fathom the concept, yet you still try to figure it out. My heart goes out to you too knowing that you deal with this. I tried to distract myself with tasks and music or a movie or show, but still I am psychoanalyzing every single part of every single conversation. WTF

[THL1]

It sounds like you have ‘pure O’/endless rumination. Basically the self-psychoanalysing is equivalent to endless mental compulsions. The mental compulsions are a way of avoiding anxiety and fear and of searching for certainty.

ERP works but it’s subtly different to addressing physical compulsions. I found ‘overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts’, Winston and Self, helpful. Also check out Michael Greenberg online

[BeautifullyiMperfect in reply to THL1]

Thank you!! I have to go back to work on Tuesday and I can barely breathe - I am terrified! I will check out those resources you posted. I pray something works 🙏🥺😔

[WilliamG]

I am in a constant state of analyzing, interpreting, and narrating. It’s an endless cycle and has been that way for years. Even when I try to watch tv or have conversations with people, I’m narrating and filtering endless intrusive thoughts in my head. They prevent me from being entirely present, if that makes sense. To make matters worse, as part of my OCD, my mind ruminates and sometimes gets stuck on bad/terrifying thoughts—each one more frightening than the one before—which sends me into a constant state of trying to “fix” the thought (by researching what to do about it or by using mental compulsions/analyzing to prove it’s not true). Unfortunately, I have schizoaffective too, so sometimes my thoughts can get a bit delusional. I have to battle what could best be described as magical thinking (and at its worst psychosis). I’ve gotten much better in the last year. I quit drinking alcohol (10 months sober!), I exercise daily, and I take certain supplements/herbs (probably placebo, but that’s okay). I also dutifully practice meditation to “catch and release” some of the thoughts. At the same time, I sit with and expose myself to certain thoughts when they lead to compulsions. ACT, DBT, and mindfulness practices have helped me a lot. Every day is a struggle, but I’m at least I’m at a place where I have some joy in my life, and that’s a huge improvement for me. 😀

[BeautifullyiMperfect in reply to WilliamG]

I love love love your post!! You are truly resilient and 💪 Just dealing with the topic at hand is debilitating enough, but to deal with schizoaffective too, that's more than anyone can truly handle - but you're doing it! Everyday is a fight for our lives! My heart goes out to you too and you are an inspiration to me ❤️ Look up existential OCD, like Natureloverpeace suggested - it's great information!

[Natureloverpeace]

It sounds like you may be describing Existential OCD. An OCD specialist can help you.

[BeautifullyiMperfect in reply to Natureloverpeace]

OH MY GOD GIRL I LOVE YOU!!! LOL I have been struggling this for like, the last 20 years and never did I ever have any clue what it was! You just changed my whole life! This is EXACTLY what it is holy crap

[Natureloverpeace in reply to BeautifullyiMperfect]

Be careful when looking up information about OCD because there is a lot of misinformation out there and even harmful information. Try to find information from experts in the field. iocdf.org would be a good place to start. The IOCDF also runs Peace of Mind which does livestreams on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. The livestreams are recorded. Some of the experts are Jon Grayson, Patrick McGrath, Wayne Goodman, Jon Abramowitz, Jon Hershfield, Fred Penzel, Eric Storch and Kimberly Quinlan. They have also done either research , written books, produced educational videos or all of the above. It’s not unusual to find misinformation online that suggests using things like distraction, thought stopping, thought replacement, reassurance, avoidance or logic. These don’t work on OCD and reinforce the obsessions, eventually making them stronger and more frequent, thereby making the distress worse in the long run. They are attempts to find certainty and to reduce distress. They do reduce distress temporarily but they teach us that we can’t handle distress and have to rely on mental and/or physical compulsions. There will always be another “what if” in OCD so trying to reduce distress directly is only a very temporary solution. It will never be enough to satisfy the OCD because there will always be another “what if”. Chasing certainty doesn’t work because it doesn’t exist.