maybe I am a narcissist or sociopath

[OCDlivrecovery]

Got into an argument about a joke he made about splitting the rent and needing me to be with me in order to live his lifestyle. This one was a joke bc I hadn't mentioned Jobs until yesterday. I was just sad and asked if it was a joke and he said off course and I said I guess my feelings are still hurt from all of the things he said and I said the other day. And he said he didn't mean them just like how I didn't mean them and that he was just mad and me brining it up again is causing another argument. I guess I can see how it starts an argument but I don't know why we can't just talk he always raises he voice but says it's me? I know I can be bitchy after awhile but.. then I wanted to keep talking about, he said he didn't care, and then I was still trying to get my feelings across and he started arguing and said stop arguing with me and he flipped the light on and said my eyes were doing that thing. Which I don't care if it's true, I've been around crazy and violent people my whole life I wouldn't be surprised if I can get just as angry as them in order to survive. I said im not going to hurt him? And he said he knows but this is emotional abuse and he can't take it, he brought up me crying and waking him up to my crying like I tried to wake him up?? He also didn't do anything about that. And I said I'm not emotionally abusive anymore you are. And he lost it. Everything is fine now I'm just really afraid of the evil that could be inside of me and so now I just feel really guilty because I feel like I have coerced you and the support people into thinking it's all Antonio when I am also at fault. I feel so strongly and feel emotions deeply, when I get angry it is justified and I can control myself. Am I the problem? Or does he just not want to take accountability for anything in this relationship. I feel like I'm fighting for the both of us and he compared me to my mother which always hurts.  My mom also said my eyes would go black when we were fighting physically, I started standing up for myself the older I got and she backed off from the physical abuse

[TomFed]

Well, it seems you just channelled in one post all what's going on in your brain at the moment, so it's a hell to read through this and try to understand. But what I will say applies not only to relationships where one or both have emotional or mental problems, but to most relationships in general where you have two emotionally and psychologically immature people coming together - get yourself fixed first, because without that you won't be attracting healthy people. So go to therapy, get your meds if needed, do some self compassion work, learn to love yourself, breeeeathe. Only after some consistent period of time where your emotions and mind stabilise , you can look for your better half. No other person will fill that hole we emotionally sensitive people (majority of us OCders are) often feel. It can only be filled by self love or your higher self, spirit of the universe (LOVE, duh) whatever one prefers to call it. And to your initial question, it doesn't sound you're a sociopath. Sociopaths don't care that much to ask themselves these kind of questions, nor they would care that much if at all when they hurt others. To be a sociopath is not a painful experience. And final point, even if you are a sociopath, so what? It's not curable. So live it.

[SCC1]

Your posts have consistently been about you and your S.O. It seems that the root problem is not about you and him getting along or what he says or you say. The questioning/wondering about you and your boyfriend, will go on forever, until you find what the source is that's causing you to doubt. Until that happens, no answer anyone can give you will be helpful or erase your doubts.

One person on here had mentioned that the reason for all the questioning, is BC of the OCD. (I hope I got that right).

Working with your therapist is good, but maybe meds for OCD would help more, so you wouldn't be in this mindset of wondering. It makes it harder on you to find an answer as to why everything between you and your boyfriend are issues.

Otherwise, you will both always have the same issues, BC nothing is being addressed. That's where your therapy will be helpful and perhaps meds.

(I hope this makes sense.)

Good luck!

[Hidden]

Sweetie, it almost doesn't matter whose "fault" it is. It doesn't sound like you're happy or feel loved, cared for, and respected. Please get out of this relationship or at least take a break from it and give yourself some peace and quiet. For whatever reason, it's not working for you and there is no law compelling you to stay. You will be more peaceful and at ease alone, without all the yelling, name-calling, and drama. Can you possibly move out or ask him to move out?