For over 50 years I've had every type of ocd there is, they always come down to the same thing , not wanting to ever harm any of my beautiful family who I love more than anything.
I had got on top of this and all the compulsions , and was really happy, but then something entered my head which has turned my world upside down again.
I had a horrible intrusive thought after reading someones post about their ocd .and it kept replaying in my head saying 'what if I had that type of intrusive thought that told me i wanted bad things to happen'to the ones i love with all of my heart.
This made me so anxious and distressed and I ended up crying for hours,my mind went crazy with anxiety ,& panic , trying to tell myself they are just meaningless words which is what I have always read,
However I had been managing it until last night when for no reason the words ' let next year'came into my head I don't know where from or what for , but ocd tried to convince me that I was going to say in my head 'Let next year be the year that happens to my **** ( I cannot even write it down) and I know I wasn't going to but as usual ocd has won. and now the words that ocd said I was going to say keep repeating and repeating in my head just so I can shout at it, no I wasn't going to say that.
please if anyone has been through anything like this or can give me some advice that may help please , please reply
Thank you
Written by
Mangomadam
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Your mind is in turmoil now because it's assailed with horrible thoughts. The question is, what are you counting on to appease your turmoil?
Are you counting on arguing with your thoughts and winning the argument? If you do, the bad news is that you'll never be able to appease your mind because you can't be absolutely sure you won't do or say certain things in the future. The more you seek absolute certainties, the more doubts will come to your mind in order to test the validity of those certainties. It's an endless pursuit. What you need to do is learning to be satisfied with a reasonable certainty, based on evidence and common sense, you can trust yourself and your intentions. It's not easy because you love your family, and the idea you may inflict some harm on them is unbearable. It will take time because faith in yourself can't be restored overnight. Good experiences over time foster self-confidence.
Have your heard of the pink elephant paradox: the more you try to suppress a thought, the stickier it becomes? I had intrusive blasphemous thoughts as a kid. I thought I was doomed and was inevitably going to hell. They finally disappeared when I started to pay no heed to them and focused on more interesting activities. I know it's difficult to accept that shocking thoughts cross our mind, but whether they become invasive or not depends on how we react to them.
Thank you I am really trying but finding this so much harder than anything else Ive ever had from any theme .. I think it scares the hell out of me as I read about someone asking if their intrusive thoughts could make the bad things happen, so of course ocd is jumping onto that too, I have just been started back on the fist medication I ever took took , which was 25 years ago so as Ive only been back on this for a week, I wonder if that could be making things worse.
Many thanks deValentin. I really like this "What you need to do is learning to be satisfied with a reasonable certainty, based on evidence and common sense, you can trust yourself and your intentions". That is the goal I try to achieve.
You're welcome. I wish you success in reaching your goal. It won't always be easy. When the stakes are high (for instance, the fear of harming a loved one or abusing children), we may be driven to seek absolute certainties, which is counterproductive, as you probably experienced yourself. At first, seeking absolute certainties relieves some anxiety when the stakes are high. Then we become emotionally dependent on the chase for absolute certainty or rigid order, and our freedom of choice is greatly diminished.
I can't say anything about medication, because, personally, I believe in the "skills before pills" principle. However, I can talk about cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Some people believe in the omnipotence of their thoughts, that is, if, for instance, they wish harm to someone, then they think it will happen. If they don't rely on evidence and common sense to believe something, of course, they may believe anything. In some instances, it may be difficult to require reasonable proof before being convinced of something. However, the advantage of that practice is that if, for instance, you entertain bad thoughts about someone, and you learn that person dies of a heart attack not long after, then you don't feel responsible for their death.
In your case, you think that in order for your family to be safe, you need to control your thoughts. If you count on the ability to control your thoughts in order to have peace of mind, of course, when you realize you can't completely control your thoughts (nobody can completely control their thoughts), your peace of mind will be shattered.
It would be better to count on what you can control, like your determination to be overall a responsible and loving family member, in order to have your mind at rest. This a harder path at first, but your peace of mind would be overall more stable and not depend, for instance, on someone's comment you read somewhere on the internet. That's at least my opinion.
May all of us have the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Sorry if it seems like I need reassurance but I am so scared in case the words ocd told me I was going to say did come into my head in an intrusive way as there is no way that I would purposefully say that. I would give up my life for my family. they are the only joyful thing in my life and am really struggling so much with this one,, it really scares me.
I understand you need reassurance. There is nothing wrong with that. What's important, is how you go about getting that reassurance? Are you trying to be absolutely sure the words OCD told you you were going to say won't come into your head? That's a dead end. Absolute certainties don't exist in this life.
Or are you trying to live the best life possible given the circumstances? That's a more promising way to appease your mind.
The first way to get reassurance is easier, but short-term and counterproductive. The second way to get it is harder at first, but more sustainable. It's a choice you need to make.
ocd is a horrible disorder. I have contamination ocd and health anxiety. ERP made it worse. Any normal person could let things go. I even had blood tests which of course are normal but it won’t leave my head. I get very frustrated. I’m up to 40 mg lexapro and ,5 mg klonopin. Of course logic won’t work. I tried to do it without klonopin and I can’t. I’m 66 years old snd have a wonderful life. Take what u need to be able to push the thoughts away.
“ okay ocd brain I hear you BUT not today. I find it helps to recognize the OCD thought then continue to push forward. Do not give in keep pushing forward 😄
I have severe OCD and anxiety just like you do. My life is unbearable without medication. People on this page will give you different advices simply because some things work for one and doesn’t work for other. Some people swear by ERP, some people rely on meds. Find what works for you.
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Feeling that I will never really get the Cognitive Behavioural help that I need.
Ughh😔
When OCD gets out of control 
