Boss anxiety

[Ocdwarrior]

Ok I'm so over this. I'm here at work on break and I cannot take this anymore. Ok I have hard time relating to guys (as a child I was told I was a flirt because I was loud and outgoing and they misinterpreted that as being flirty) which has followed me into adulthood and I am always afraid of coming across as a flirt. So of course my boss happens to be a guy. A married guy and even if he wasn't I would have zero interest. But I cannot get over my fear that I'm coming across as a flirt. It's got to the point I can hardly handle being around him. I'm afraid he's even noticing that I act weird and I'm even more afraid that I'm coming across as a flirt because I'm so afraid of flirting. Ahhhhh!! See how confusing this is getting?????? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 anybody know what I should do??

[Mcfly64]

Have you been diagnosed with ocd?

[Sallyskins]

How to behave is a problem for many women. From girlhood, we're told not to be too loud, too vocal, to keep quiet and keep our opinions to ourselves.

In addition, we're taught that our sexuality is for men to use as they wish, but also that it's a dangerous power that is threatening to men.

This may feel like an exaggeration and of course most of us don't behave like that. But the underlying assumptions in society are still there and as women we often internalize them.

Try not to dampen down your natural effervescence. It's part of your personality, and being outgoing is great - it means you are likely to make friends easily. Some people, men as well as women, are naturally flirty and that isn't a bad thing either. It doesn't mean they are trying to get just about anyone they speak to into bed.

It could well be that you're overthinking this. It's likely that your boss has noticed your bubbly personality, that he likes you, and that that's as far as it goes. Don't overthink it. It's difficult to get over feeling awkward and embarrassed around someone once you've got the feeling into your head. But it's also possible to get back to feeling comfortable again. Don't try to avoid him. Chat to him naturally as you would to anyone else. It may take a bit of effort, but you can do it.

It's also essential to get back to feeling comfortable with your own personality again. It's all right to be loud, to have opinions, to be outgoing. Try to make the most of it.

[Lazarus88]

Hi! It’s something called “the spotlight effect”, and I feel like it effects those of us with anxiety and OCD more than others. I know I have struggled with that, where I tend to think everyone in the room is focused on something I just did or said when in reality they are probably more focused on themselves and what they are doing. I’ve had similar fears of speaking and trying to pick out the right things to say on the spot because I’m afraid of what people are thinking when I speak. I just try to be myself. It’s tough when anxiety kicks in. I was told things as a child too, but we have to remember we are not our “labels” that we have been given.

[Phoenyx]

Hi Ocdwarrior. I love your username btw. I have a suggestion. Every time you think of your boss and have doubt about your behavior, tell yourself "I might be flirting, I might be not flirting. Either way it's fine. This is how I keep my thoughts at bay. The "maybe" answer puts your brain in a neutral zone. Hope it works for you. p.s. It takes some time to start working

[fiscafe]

What you are doing, writing about it, facing it, sharing it, has been one of the best tools for me to cope with my glitches, I call them. And humor, which you are using. Then I need to ask myself, Is this person any better than me? Don't I have a right to be here and to work and take care of my life too? "Of course I do! And I am doing the best I can each day! So, Chip, lighten up on yourself. Be gentle and kind to yourself." Anyway, that kind of self-talk has helped me.

[Ocdwarrior in reply to fiscafe]

Aw I love that!! I need to use that kind of self talk. I really struggle with confidence and just doing what I wanna do no matter what others think! So thank you! Also thanks to everyone who took time to reply. Things are going better. I still struggle but not as badly.