Hi, and help?

[Nikodemos]

Good morning,

Just joined here, hoping to find resources and answers for OCD. For some reason, I feel much more comfortable sharing with/into the anonymous void about this sickness than I do with the people closest to me, but I know that things are deteriorating to a point that I can't manage this alone anymore. I'm 36 years old, and though I've always known I've had this problem, I've done virtually everything possible to hide it. I think maybe I did too good of a job on that score--the very few people I've been able to admit that I have a problem to, including my mother, were somewhat shocked to learn of it. I've always struggled with intense feelings of shame and guilt (something I'm guessing is familiar to many of you on this space) which made it difficult to be open, and I'm starting to see how this is connected to OCD. I know I need help; the problem is I can't bring myself to get it. I was able to find OCD therapists in my area, but felt utterly unable to make the calls. I'll hold my phone in my hand, staring at the number, thumb frozen half an inch off the screen, unable to press "dial." This keeps happening, and the frustration I feel at my failure is immense. In turn, this feeds shame and an increasingly intense self-loathing. I've also kept myself extremely isolated since fall of 2019, a habit that only got worse during covid and lockdowns, which is definitely not helping. It's been over a year since I've seen anyone I know in person (I work from home). As a result, I often feel a crushing dissonance between my highly compartmentalized mind--traditionally a source of strength for me--and that parts of me that feel, because I've lacked for interlocutors that would perhaps ground/stabilize/mitigate some of the more severe OCD onsets. So, I guess my questions for anyone reading this are:

How were you able overcome shame to get help?And how were you able to begin becoming more open with the people in your life?

Thank you all.

[aparente001]

Maybe it would help to ask someone else to help you book a first appointment. Best wishes.

[LuvSun]

Welcome! I just want to tell you that you should not feel any shame in having OCD. I am in my sixties now and have slowly come to accept my diagnosis and not feel any shame at all. No one is perfect and in fact I kind of feel like we with this disorder are actually very beautiful people who have a deeper compassion for others. 😊. I know what you are saying because I spent many many years feeling ashamed of the OCD and doing my best to try and keep it hidden. I didn’t even want my Primary MD to know because I was embarrassed by it 🫣. The more I read about OCD the more I became knowledgeable and understanding and felt ready to share with others. There is no shame at all in having a disorder and the more you open up to others you may find that they are struggling with things as well. This forum has helped me a lot. Feel free to share!

[Nikodemos in reply to LuvSun]

Thank you for the reply; I do feel quite lucky to have finally connected with people who know what it's like 🙂

[GuitarDave]

Hi. I know it seems really awkward to reach out for help—that's because it is! Some people will not be all that helpful, and that can even include therapists sometimes. But just know that every time you go through that fear or awkwardness, you are making some progress and taking charge of your mental health. Start now, and keep at it. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

[Mcfly64]

Hello Nikodemos. You are not alone my fiend . I have and continue to have horrible and intrusive thoughts and am lucky to have found a very helpful psychologist. There is no need to have any guilt or shame. This is what ocd tries to do to us. Make that call. I know you have the strength to do it. It’s that ocd bully that’s stop you from doing it. I know it’s hard but don’t let it beat you and keep you down. That is its sole purpose.

[Nikodemos]

Thanks man