avoidance after anxiety attack

I’m new. I have Pure O. After trying to brush off a few recent anxiety attacks (playing golf, going to a store) I now fear that the act of getting into my car and driving will trigger the OCD monster. I have just begun therapy with an ERP specialist and do not feel prepared to allow the voice to say it’s negative things unless I create some ritual (listening to an ebook, singing out loud, etc). Tips from those further along in recovery are appreciated. Thanks

[aparente001]

Welcome, Zorba. I'm happy for you that you are starting ERP therapy. My son's experience with it was that doing his home exercises was an intense, challenging ten-fifteen minutes. He and his therapist started by mapping the OCD. Then they started working on the least impairing item on his list, and gradually worked their way up to his specific phobia (the most impairing). He was also taking a hefty dose of an SSRI, and medication for panic attacks as well, by the way. In his case (he was a preteen and teen back then), it was definitely a case of "slow and steady wins the race." Best of luck with your therapy.

[IStillHaveHope]

Hi. First I wanted to say how brave you are for trying to face your OCD. That is (in my opinion) the biggest step you can take. You know you have a problem and you have resolved yourself to deal with it.

With the ERP you're going to be challenging the OCD by actively bringing it up and feeling all the emotions and sensations that go with it. If you are like me, it will be difficult in the beginning but it can get so much better. I'll try and leave you with some things that I've realized as I've been on this journey.

1. One thing I noticed when I first started therapy was that the OCD spiked initially. This is normal since you're not avoiding it and bringing it in the forefront of your mind. You'll most likely feel a bunch of different emotions too since you're now trying to face something you've been avoiding. Know that this is okay. Don't avoid them, sit and listen to them. Talk to your therapist about what your feeling and they can help you develop strategies based on these.

2. You may feel like you're failing, or not making progress but that's not true. It will come slowly and steadily. You're basically rewiring your brain and that takes time. Even though we may not feel it consciously know that you are moving is a positive direction.

3. Don't be too hard on yourself, especially in the beginning. You may only be able to resist a compulsion for a minute or a few seconds but this too is progress. I have a problem with checking, and in the beginning I could only stand it for a minute or so. However a minute became 2, then 5, then 15, then and hour, then a day, etc., etc. You're learning new skills, so remember consistency is better than intensity.

4. This one kind of goes with 3, but take care of yourself physically as well. Make sure to listen to your body and get the rest you need. I would also try to be more mindful of what I was eating and that I get exercise. However, I wouldn't radically change them. One thing at a time. I might say, "This meal I'm going to eat a little healthier" or, "It's nice out. I'll go for a walk"

5. OCD is a bully and a liar. It takes what we value the most and turns it against us. If you're having OCD thoughts on a certain topic, it probably means that you value and really care about it. In essence it tells us the opposite of what is true.

6. OCD is also loud. It screams at us that, "I MUST DO THIS NOW OR SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN". However, I've found that there is a smaller voice saying something like, "I know that's not really true. This whole thing is silly". I think it helps to try and listen to that voice. Overtime I think it helps us elevate that smaller one and lower the OCD one.

7. Don't think the therapy will make your OCD thoughts "go away". The point of the therapy is allow them to be there and not really affect us. In a way I think this is better. It allows us to face other fears in our life IMO.

8. In a way we are lucky. If you look at a list of historical people who had OCD you'll find that the majority of them were extremely creative and successful (think Howard Hughes, Nikola Tesla, Kurt Godel, etc.). It may be that the "upside" of OCD is equal to the "downside". Just something to think about.

9. Know you're not alone in this. OCD doesn't make you weird, or crazy, or broken. There are tons of people who have done this and gotten better. There are also tons of people out there who want (and can) help. All you need to do is reach out to them.

There is probably more, but this post is getting pretty long. I pray for you on your journey my friend. May God bless you.

[Hidden in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you for the replies. How have you handled the gaps in between when you aren’t feeling so confident to battle your OCD thoughts? I feel if I do not constantly keep moving I am opening the door to my OCD but at times I am too exhausted. I have stopped arguing with my thoughts, I try to make them silly, ‘oh the old X thought again huh, no thanks.’. I think the exhaustion is that I am constantly on alert/guard for the next intrusive thought. Ty

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Hidden]

I see you used the word "battle" to describe how to deal with your OCD. I've found that is part of the problem. Resisting them is not the key. There's a saying, "Whatever we resist, persists". The key is to allow them to be and let them flow through you. This is the real difficulty of OCD. It makes you feel like you need to "do" something and if we can't do anything we ruminate.

Meditation works for me but I also use the RAIN technique. Meditation helps us practice just observing our thoughts and not being attached to them. The RAIN technique is what I learned from an anxiety app called "Unwinding Anxiety". It was created by Dr. Judson Brewer. You can google him and see some of his stuff on youtube. I've explained this in other replies, but here's what I've put.

Relax: As the anxiety comes on, try and to relax into it. Slow you're breathing and relax your shoulders and jaw. Breath deep into your belly.

Accept: Accept that you are feeling this anxiety and allow it to be there. It will probably be uncomfortable but allow it to ebb and flow through you.

Inspect: Inspect how these thoughts and feeling feel in your mind and body. If you feel yourself getting wrapped up in the thought say something like, "Oh the thoughts are trying to take me down a rabbit hole". or "I'm having a difficult time and feeling anxious".

Note: Finally I note what I'm experiencing moment to moment. It might go like, "I feel tightness in my chest, I feel a dull pain between my eyes, I hear the birds singing outside, my feet feel cold". I think the point is to see that your thoughts are moving around and to let them do that. I try and do this until the feelings lessen and then I try to go on with my day.

I'm probably screwing some of this up, so feel free to google it. In the beginning I might have to try and find a quiet place by myself for half an hour to do this. However as I got better I found that it would only take a few minutes.

You are trying to learn how to be calm and relaxed even with the thoughts. Over time your brain will be able to associate "calmness" with those thoughts and the feelings will lessen. At least that's how I see it, but I'm not a therapist

I hope this helps you some.

[mind-full in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thanks, IStillHaveHope!

The care you've taken to highlight your experiences on this journey is very appreciated.

9. I know I'm not alone. I don't consider myself weird, or crazy, but I do feel broken.

10. Staying hopeful.

Cheers to that.

[IStillHaveHope in reply to mind-full]

Glad it was helpful I to feel broken sometimes but I realized this a while ago. God doesn't make broken things. You are exactly what you need to be and where you need to be.

[mind-full in reply to IStillHaveHope]

"There is beauty in hardship."

[123ST3 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

The best advice on the site..... ISTILLHAVE Hope nailed it. I'm just starting down my own therapy path. The hardest part has been realizing that the "just sit with it," techniques DO NOT alleviate anxiety - at least not in the short term. But I am starting to see that over time it will, it does subside. You get used to it. It's like sitting in a room with a wolf..... scary, but eventually you get used to it being there.

[Kerry100314]

I also have pure O and at first I found it difficult to do ERP because it took me a long time to even figure out that my compulsions were all in my head. I thought I didn’t have any compulsion, but I actually do a TON of mental checking, reviewing, and distracting. Right now I feel like I’m trying to distract myself by keeping my brain busy but it is exhausting!! I would love to feel more relaxed and peaceful but I haven’t figured out how. Let me know if anything works for you!! It’s nice to know other people are going through the same thing.