If there’s one thing I’ve learned from having one of my biggest fears (catching covid and passing it on to my family) come true it’s that OCD loves to cast doubt on my ability to cope.
It tells me that I’m not resilient enough to handle the things that come my way.
As a parent, I have been through food allergies, illnesses, a difficult birth, and will undoubtedly go through much more. As a human, I have been through trauma, grief, and loss and will continue to experience many of these things as long as I’m alive. It’s part of the nature of being human and, while some things have overwhelmed my capacity to cope, I have still found a way through them. I may not have wanted to or felt that it was just, but I got through.
Yet, OCD tells me that I can’t cope. It presents the worst-case scenarios to me and tells me that I’m not going to be able to handle them. That I must control the situation or find certainty in order to be ok. That I need to protect my family through irrational rituals because the alternative will be something that I absolutely can’t bear.
Looking back on all of the obstacles I’ve faced, I realize no scenario was ever made better by having OCD along for the ride. OCD and the compulsions it has me do didn’t protect my family or keep me from feeling unpleasant emotions. It didn’t stop my fears from coming true. All it did was impede my ability to cope as effectively as I could have. It kept me stuck in grief, fear, and worst-case scenarios which kept me from handling what was going on in the present.
OCD is a liar. It loves to cast doubt on my capacity for resilience and survival, but I’m still here and I’m slowly learning that I can handle uncertainty and all the challenges life brings.
So can you. How will you stand up to OCD and its lies today?