I'm a perfectionist. 😒 I really struggle with feeling like I'm doing good enough with my life. I work four days a week and normally I feel pretty good on those days. But I especially struggle with my off days. Just because they aren't quite as scheduled I don't have any boss to answer to if I'm lazy. But I have stuff I need to do, and honestly most off days I don't have the motivation to get at it. I tend to look at EVERYTHING that needs to get done and freak out because it looks so overwhelming. And then I loss motivation because I cant do it all at once.
I recently started strength training. I just want to be a healthy fit person who is confident in myself and chases my dreams and goals. I started getting a little bit into the personal development world. But being a perfectionist it's never enough. I'll bet anything I could workout 7 days straight, work 7 days a week, eat super healthy, do all the "right" things and I still wouldn't feel like it was enough or like I am enough. If one day I don't get much done I feel like a failure. Sometimes I feel so hopeless. I want to enjoy my fitness journey. I want to enjoy growing myself as a person. Instead of stressing because I think I'm lazy or not doing enough. How can I be ok with resting and relaxing? How can I enjoy life's journey instead of feeling like it needs to be done perfectly?? Anybody have any answers??
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Ocdwarrior
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No one and nothing is perfect. The older I get, and the more exasperated I get with my own failures, the more solace I take in that truism. That said, I think some people just have a restless, ambitious disposition - perfectionism is highly linked to OCD. Maybe try some cognitive reframing and self compassion. Like, instead of being down on yourself for always wanting to be better, be proud of yourself for embracing the challenges that come your way. Instead of calling yourself lazy for taking a day off, reward yourself with a well-deserved rest. Shift some of the focus from yourself to others - friends, family, etc. Try to pick one thing you are grateful for every day and internally acknowledge it. Practice mindfulness, even if it’s as silly as just focusing on the warmth, smell and the taste of a cup of coffee. These are all things under your control.
Hi Ocdwarrior, I struggle with perfectionism too. It makes it so hard to get started on tasks and not be so nit-picky with myself. Something I try to tell myself is this: "imperfect progress is still progress." Maybe that phrase would help you with your health journey.
On another note, try to be mindful of the "shoulds" you're telling yourself (for example, "I should do xyz better, I should be in a better place by now." Should statements, I've found, can easily lead to feeling ashamed and are the opposite of motivating. Where you are right now is a beautiful thing.
Meditation and trauma therapy helps me. Also DBT therapy, the skills. There is a meditation on YouTube for intrusive thoughts and OCD. There are also some apps like MindGarden and Headspace. Meditation helps to focus and clear your mind. I think also OCD can be trauma related as in we feel like west control things when something bad happens for prevent something else bad happening, or a phobia we develop related to something. Also the criticism of others has caused me to obsess about perfectionism. Sometimes also OCD is related to ADD as in you can’t focus. Meditation helps as well as regulating your nervous system through exercise, cold showers, supplements like magnesium, milk thistle, NAC, L Theanine, Inositol.
I am a checker and a perfectionist. Like you, I struggle on my days off. I constantly think about what could go wrong when I'm not there. My therapist gave me The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn Schiraldi. I've learned that I base my self-esteem on accomplishments, which is a mistake. Whenever I make a mistake, I feel badly about myself. Self-esteem should be based on your core worth. I think this book will be helpful for you.
A BIG thank you to everyone who replied to me!! I so appreciate all your advice and support! Yall are the best! A little update. I realized I was trying to do and be too much and it was completely overwhelming me. So for now I'm just working out every other day so I don't get burned out. Listen to podcasts and am working on self love. Trying to learn to be ok with being me. That I am enough. I am valuable no matter what and things have been going better. Kat, thanks for the workbook suggestion. I'm gonna look into getting that! Thanks again yall are the best!
Have you tried writing out a "plan" for the day? Once you write out a detailed plan for that day, do NOT deviate from it. (plan has to be reasonable).
Once you have completed your tasks (not veering off somewhere), check it off your list as done. Once it is done, it is done. Do not go back. It is "good enough". Period. This is extremely important to do.
Then go on to the next task. At the end of the day, you can see your accomplishments. Be good to yourself and pat yourself on the back as a day well done.
OK, maybe you did NOT get something accomplished....it goes on the next day's task list. Start again. Do not beat yourself up.
I have this issue when I clean my house (which is not my favorite thing to do). I set out to do a certain amount of cleaning. Well, I find something else (like maybe a messy closet) that I feel the urge to stop and do. I have to be stern with myself and tell myself "no, this is not on my list and I will not clean it today", then carry on with the next thing. I had to do this or I would so frustrate myself and it would take double time to do the task that I don't like doing in the first place. I would end up in tears and angry with myself.
I taught this to my sister who seems to go off on what we refer to as a "bunny trail". It really helps her as well. What do you think?
I absolutely love this idea!!! I so going to try it. I am a very schedule person, and love do to lists but have kinda quit using them. Thanks so much for sharing 😊
Surely a perfectionist would be a person who does all those things? And a procrastinator one who doesn't'? Might your problem be one of which label you use about yourself, then try to live up to?
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