stuck

[tagurit]

So I don't really know what is going on with me. I'm able to function, Im back in college but like I have no friends. It's like... I'm able to function and be in college, so its like why bother with doing exposures. But like I'm still miserable because I have no friends and my life is so small. I would love to get a job or do some kind of volunteer work, but my OCD is like "No, you will make a mistake and then by making a mistake something bad will happen to the company and they will go under". The same thing goes with hobbies. Im trying to learn how to crochet, but my OCD is like "Don't bother, you will make a mistake and you're not doing it just right" I mean the only pro of being in a sorority was that face to face connection with others, but I had to withdraw due to reasons unrelated to OCD. , I don't really get involved with anything cause my OCD is like "You need to do schoolwork all the time or else you will not retain the information". I strongly fear that if I don't study all the time, I will forget the information. I know how irrational this sounds. So then I obey.

And then on top of that, say if I get a thought or a word stuck in my mind-I need to write it down or else something bad will happen. I currently have a Google Document of over 300 pages and over my winter break, I'll probably spend all my time researching. I feel this need to know everything about a topic and its so annoying. I'll spend hours on social media just screen shoting things and writing the topic in that Google Doc to research later. Besides that, my contamination is coming back as Ive got very sick and nowIm doing better. Another annoying thing about my OCD besides the extreme obsession with schoolwork is that I replay past events in my mind and think of other things I would have done/said.

It's annoying. Like, a part of me wants to get rid of the OCD as it makes me miserable, but the other part is like keep the OCD. I guess it is because it is safe and I don't know life without it.

I'm in this weird place because I'm able to function fine, but at the same time, it's like I'm just surviving, not living.

I see a therapist, just been unable to for the past three weeks as Ive been sick. But I have another appointment soon

[Hidden]

I am sorry that you are going through a rough time.

I have the similar symptom of researching any topic online as a compulsion.

I know if I decide to stop researching, it is going to create a lot of anxiety.

But the treatment is to sit with the anxiety, and resist the compulsion of doing more research.

The anxiety will slowly fade away, and your urges will get weaker.

When you sit with the anxiety, face the feared consequences of those thoughts.

Try not to have any conversation with OCD.

Our goal is not to give OCD any power.

I also have similar symptom of replaying past events, and going into the details.

It is a mental compulsion, and once we are aware about it, we can try to resist doing it.

I know this is not easy, and it is a struggle for me.

Life for me with OCD, has become like I am just surviving also.

Hoping you feel better soon.

[TheGreatAvoider]

I was able to earn an Associate's degree while suffering from my OCD. On the other hand I gained no friends nor had any meaningful relationships. I was too afraid to look for work after I graduated in 2015. I am still unemployed.

When I attempted exposure therapy I felt like a little kid standing on the edge of the swimming pool dipping my toes in the water to test it's coldness. Dipping over and over, but never jumping in the pool.

About a month ago I started going to a behavioral health support center that provides peer led groups, classes, art, and more. It's a really safe place. Since going there I've have been in such a better mood. I also started attending a weekly NAMI meeting.

When I find comfort in rituals I try to remind myself that it's okay to be uncomfortable. I don't have to constantly be comfortable.