Existential OCD & Hubris

[grizzfan89]

Hi friends, new member here. I officially came out of the ocd closet last month, after suffering a nervous breakdown. Since then I have been receiving therapy and reading everything I can related to OCD. My prominent themes are Harm, existential, and "just right". I am happy to report that I am doing much better!

In an OCD Stories episode with Jon Hershfield (an excellent OCD author), Jon mentioned that some OCD sufferers fear that all of life is hubris (prideful, meaningless), which spurs on their compulsions. That has certainly been the case for me. I now know that engaging compulsions wouldn't change anything even if life were meaningless, it just helps alleviate the thought of it (I guess).

I guess I am seeking reassurance by asking, but does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to live my life paranoid. In fact, my greatest fear is that on my death bed I'll discover that everything and everyone is an allusion, or worse-working against me. Having that thought makes me worried that I'm a paranoid schizophrenic.

I've noticed a theme with many of my fears: I should know better. I shouldn't be duped. I cannot stand the thought of being tricked.

Well, this is the most transparent post I've ever put out there.

[Shutterislandnel]

Hi, I'm also new here, its so freeing being able to get these thoughts off your chest to people who understand, it sounds like your very self aware of your ocd themes which from what I've been reading is great for putting this bully in its place x