Contamination : How many of you who have... - My OCD Community

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Contamination

LuvSun profile image
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How many of you who have contamination obsessions feel you have to wash your hands after handling dirty laundry and/ or handling garbage and also dirty dishes?

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LuvSun profile image
LuvSun
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Aleese profile image
Aleese

I have dealt with things like that and still catch myself when contamination ocd sneaks in. I think you and I had some of the same symptoms if I remember correctly?

My contamination is not of other people germs or filth, but the anxiety/torment of whether I am clean enough...ex: if I bake, cook and especially for others...if I touch something and I’m not completely clean as in maybe when I touched food...maybe I didn’t wash my hands enough or sanitize...If something touches a dirty surface or if I do, AS MUCH AS I TRY SO HARD TO NOT MAKE ANY MISTAKES.....boom i find something I need to redue. I remember making some Thanksgiving or Christmas cookies in the past and carefully placing them in a pretty can. All was set and ready to take to a family meal... but then, no it wasn’t. I had to redue my whole packaging cause the plastic that I lined the can with may have touched a dirty surface on the counter etc..So, it HAD to be redone as the anxiety was tormenting and it doesn’t let us rest. It’s OCD finding something to obsess over-It can be nerve racking for sure. I used to get really ocd about touchin doors and leaving myself behind I’d have to go back to retouch with sanitizer or whatever. I also used to send my husband to redue things for me 😏 Anyway, I could go on and on and on...

I so understand ‘LuvSun’........Ocd comes in to destroy our peace-comes in to cause obsession and compulsion to keep us on that spiral or web of intrapment. It’s awful! Anxiety only gets worse as we try to keep fixing, redoing, etc...

What kind of things are you experiencing with contamination? I’d love to listen-

The Best to you-

Aleese

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Thank you Aleese for your response. Yes we both seem to experience the same type of thought pattern. I know exactly what you mean when you described the anxiety you went through when you were preparing goodies for others. In the past I have even not wanted to handle the Halloween candy to pass out to children for fear of somehow contaminating them even though they were individually wrapped! Cooking and preparing meals for others is very stressing because I constantly am worrying about somehow “contaminating” others. It makes me feel like a leper!! I too could go on and on about all the things I think about throughout the day. My OCD seemed to really kick in when I first became pregnant many years ago- I think it was all of a sudden the extra responsibility I felt for another being. I have managed to raise two wonderful children and now have 2 wonderful grandchildren and a wonderful husband who has stuck by me all this time so I feel extremely greatful for that. It is a slow process but I have been doing a lot of reading on OCD and feel like I am finally at the point in my life that I really want and need to challenge the OCD. It sounds like you have a good grasp on your OCD and would love to chat more with you since I feel we have quite a lot in common. 💪💪

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Hi Luvsun-

I’m glad you wrote back as I know a lot of contamination OCD is fearing other people germs, dirt and the torment people must feel with that.....having to compulsively wash etc. I’m glad to see there’s others we can relate to who understand the other side of contamination-encouraging to not feel like the odd ball😁 yes, I know that feeling like feeling like a leper. I remember a situation from a few years back when my husband and I went to a candle lite service (Christmas eve afternoon). I handed my iPhone to ‘him’ so it would be safe and I wouldn’t have to worry about putting it down on the seat or by accident, as I would be leaving my DNA or germs behind. So, I gave it to my husband to think I was safe. I think we were all singing Christmas songs when all of a sudden I looked down and there was my phone sitting in a rug like pocket in the back of the seats ahead of us. I freaked out and the pain was unbelievable! I whispered to my husband and said, oh no.........I said, please run to the car and get the sanitizer - quick before you miss the candle lighting. Anyways, that was all before I understood OCD or was diagnosed. (Though with online searching, I kinda thought I was). Anyway, this situation was harder for me as it wasn’t a flat surface easy cleanable with sanitizer, but a material-rug based surface. That was tormenting and only those with ocd can understand-right?

Anyway, there are so many examples of torment I could share but just say, I almost completely went off the deep end cause the more you give in to ocd, the more it gets stronger and the more it spreads like wild fire onto other new areas...and the confessing ocd, just awful. OCD tries to tell us we are liars when in fact, ocd is the liar. I was afraid to talk lest I lie about something. Anyway, that’s another story.

I can understand your ocd fearing you will contaminate others and I think you mentioned one time you were seeing a therapist? Or, thinking about it-ERP works great. I can tell you sometime if you like what my therapist used to have me do-

Anyway, I’m glad you have wonderful kids, grand children and husband. That is such a Blessing-

Ps. My husband is the opposite of me and does not like germs of others. The sanitizer king ha! What a match😆

Anyway, I hope I didn’t blab too much...sometimes it feels good to look back and say, ahhhhhh & wow and encourage others that if I can get freer than anyone can.

Not giving in is one of the keys. Keep walking even when that ocd wants to whisper anxiety.

Keep on keeping on and find something to be Thank full for. (As you expressed in your post). Feel free to write anytime-

Have a Blessed day with calmness of peace,

Aleese

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Thank you Aleese- it’s always comforting to hear from you. I feel like we can really relate and I would love to hear how your therapist helped you. I have seen a therapist but feel like I am not learning anything more than what I can by reading and I really need to work with a therapist on a more intensive scale than once a week. Treatment is so expensive even though my insurance pays for some of it but basically the ERP has to be done by myself. It sounds like you have a supportive husband too so that is good. All the best to you.

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Hi Aleese! I was re reading this thread of post from previously and realized again how much we seem to think alike with our OCD. You seem to have come a long way with therapy and mentioned that you could share some of the things your Therapist made you do or helped you with to overcome your contamination thoughts. I would be really interested to hear from you sometime if you are willing to share. All the best to you 😊

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Hi LuvSun,

Thank you so much for writing-Yes, I believe you are right and we are quite alike with our OCD. For some reason I had thought I mentioned some things that my therapist had me do, hmmmm. I guess not. But, I will think on that and write you back. Hope you are doing well-All the best to you too😊

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Contamination OCD

1- I used to sit on my coat or jacket in my session and my therapist had me to remove it and sit directly on the couch. (No barrier, but, grounded). I also had a hard time when leaving my session of wiping my seat with my hand (as to wipe myself away), and she’d tell me ‘sit back down’ and start over to not wipe myself away from my seating area. She’d tell me to, “leave bits of Linda everywhere.”

In other wards, if I go somewhere and I touched a door nob or maybe touch clothes in a department store and felt I wasn’t clean enough or wasn’t good enough and panic would hit, I learned to say, ‘leaving bits of Linda everywhere’. It became so empowering to me to do this. It’s like, I have a right to touch this or that, I have a right to be imperfect etc.

2-one time walking into the waiting area prior to my session, I most always use the restroom. Restrooms could be harsh at times as it became a hastle to me. I’d have to make sure I left no filth behind, wipe the toilet seat with some soap or sanitizer to eliminate me from me being there in any way. No dna or filthy Linda left behind. The same with the floor etc.and trying to be sure I was clean enough to go out in the public and be able to sit on a seat without compulsion to fix. And believe me, there was a time I’d have to go back to places to clean them cause I felt it wasn’t clean enough. Harsh for sure.

Anyways, this one time, I was getting ready to use the lady’s room when on the door was a yellow sticky note sign that said, NO LINDA! I laughed within myself as I thought that was a riot ha! ha! But, my therapist who had a sense of humor, did not want me use the bathroom so I would not be able to clean up before my session. So it’s stuff like this that she would work with me on.

3- Also, as I would stick my therapist’s money in an envelope to be sure it’s clean and free of my germs, she would tell me to not use envelopes and that for now on I was to hand her the money with my hands- germs and all ha! (Something like that).

Anyways, I could go on and on but, I can tell you more sometime. I hoped this helped you somewhat. It helped me to see how far I’ve come.

The Best to you😊

Aleese

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Thank you Aleese for your speedy reply! I really appreciate you taking the time to recall and write down these experiences. Yes you had shared a few of them in the past. I am so happy for you that you have made such progress and also appreciate your willingness to share with others. I can totally relate to what you describe.

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

I’m so glad that we can relate😊 It’s encouraging to me too!

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

I should also say, what I wrote above...as you know, is ERP that my therapist was doing. ‘Learning to tolerate the discomfort of not giving into the compulsions’. As we continue to not give in but to tolerate, our SUDS level will go down. If it’s a 10 now, we can bring that down to a 5 then a 4 and so on.

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Thanks

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Incase you never heard of SUDS: 😊

A Subjective Units of Distress Scale (SUDS – also called a Subjective Units of Disturbance Scale) is a scale of 0 to 10 for measuring the subjective intensity of disturbance or distress currently experienced by an individual.

Hope you’ve been doing okay LuvSun!

Thinking of you🌺

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Yes I understand how all that works. I think my problem is (and I have mentioned this to my Therapist) is that I don’t really get high anxiety while doing exposures so I can’t really judge how it is working from an anxiety standpoint. It just feels wrong in my head to touch certain things or not wash after touching certain things- I just have to change my way of thinking so I keep thinking that just some Cognitive Therapy alone might be of help but it is hard to separate plain Cognitive Therapy from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Did your Therapist ever use just try to challenge your thought patterns?

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

My Therapist must have challenged my thinking I will have to think on that one. Actually, she would ask me why do I feel like I must do this or that or actually, what is the fear that you think is causing that. She’d get me to think....In otherwords, what is the ocd telling me will happen if I don’t do this or that? For example; my fear of germs could have a root of fear that I’m not good enough, low self esteem etc and goes deeper...It’s almost a So if I can see where some of the struggles are coming from or their cause, it can help for sure. Hope I’m understanding you correctly and not being confusing. Maybe you could share what the main struggle that you are dealing with....if you want. It’s a battle I know, but all of a sudden it will click more clearly.

I still have days where I’m about to touch something etc but I just don’t give it the time of day and keep on moving. I still tell myself, little bits of Linda everywhere’.

I don’t need to be perfect, after all..we all aren’t. While we are worrying about contaminating someone, just imagine how dirty they are? Ha! Ha! Ha!

My therapist did open my eyes about this one day (in a round about way).

Anyway, enough blabbing.

Hope you are enjoying the sun today? ☀️Actually, this afternoon- Are you in New England ?

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

I live in the Midwest and it was sunny here earlier too! Thank you for your response- I guess basically I am asking for reassurance that I am not going to contaminate anyone more than they are going to contaminate others. Like you said- we are probably 10 times cleaner than the average person - Ha! It’s just that in my OCD mind the transfer of germs, DNA, whatever, makes sense so I have a hard time trying to not think about it or not believing in it’s validity. I know rationally that there is nothing to worry about but I still can’t help the thoughts. I just find it fascinating that others think the same thing which in my mind gives it validity. Ugh- I hope to one day not worry about these things like everyone else and get on with my life. I appreciate your support for me and others and hope you have a wonderful rest of your day . 🤝

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Reassurance is a big one and I was about to edit your note above earlier saying just that. We want assurance that we are okay and not bad and not dirty. That is why another one of my ocd’s was confession ocd. I had to fix, make better, clarify etc..even confess I wasn’t clean to make myself feel better.......geeeez. It was a self esteem breaker for sure. Also your question: Others think the same as what? And, the thoughts will be there, thoughts are thoughts. Let the thoughts think what they want...observe them as from afar and don’t give them any power. Im talking to myself too. Anyways, keep in touch🌺

Midwest wow! It must be warm where you are!?

Take care and keep fighting💪🏼

Aleese-

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to Aleese

Yes, in our minds we forget that while we are so worried of our contamination OCD, many others could care less. That’s why ocd isn’t logical or make sense. But....it’s good to think of both sides here😁 And, this whole thing about contamination is more than whether we are germy or dirty or even clean, it’s part of that obsession compulsion that found an opening in our lives.

We can conquer it👍🏼

Best to you-

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

To clarify- what I meant in my post when I said that “ others think the same which gives it validity”, I was remarking how those of us with contamination fears worry about the possibility of how germs can spread which in some cases they do like certain viruses, etc. I guess it has to do with dealing with the uncertainty of things whereas the average person does not bother with these thoughts even though logically it is possible? That is what is hard for me to give up. Does this make sense? Sorry if it doesn’t. 🤪

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Hi LuvSun- How are you?

Well, I’m trying to understand what you are asking...,I know those of us with OCD as also those with contamination ocd, much of it has nothing to do with cleanliness, as to say... But, ocd sticks itself to whatever can cause us distress. Ocd anxieties stick to an obsession and the compulsion is what we think will make us feel better. Whatever type of ocd hits us it’s all about trying to find a way out so we can feel relief. But, trying to find relief by giving in, only keeps us in that spiral of obsession/compulsion. If you feel this obsession that you cannot get clean enough, you are right, we can not. OCD won’t let us. So, if you just washed your hands and then started making food but then uh oh, you just remembered that maybe you touched the faucet and now you feel like you are dirty and may have contaminated the food. Gosh, the details can be harsh to have to keep going back and clean and sanitize and wash your hands over and over and the ritualization goes on and on and ocd will not be satisfied. What I do now is wash my hands before cooking and anything else like: Ex: Maybe I picked a carrot off the counter that dropped out of the pot and stick it back in....Do I panic and feel I screwed up? Don’t give it the time of day. In my case, I could feel that threat want to take me over but then I just push thru and tolerate that, ocd you are right, I am not the cleanest person!

In other wards, as you tolerate the distress of maybe you are dirty..in time you will get stronger and stronger and the hold of ocd grows weaker and weaker.

Anyways, maybe this is not answering your question.!? Let me know.

Thinking of you-we will pull through👍🏼😊

The Best to you ‘LuvSun’ ☀️

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Thank you for your response Aleese- I like what you said about not listening to what the OCD is trying to make you think ( like you are never going to be clean as it would like) So proud of all you’ve been able to conquer- Stay strong 💪

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

And right, we will never get it just right, we are ‘perfectly Imperfect’😊

I hope I answered your question somewhat in the above. Thank you Luv Sun- We are all strong together🏋️‍♀️

aadak18 profile image
aadak18

I do - this is very common!

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to aadak18

Thank you

ChristianWolff profile image
ChristianWolff

Hello LuvSun,

I always wash my hands after handling dirty laundry, or trash bags, or shifting the litter box, or after grocery shopping, and things like that. The only times I do not wash is if I am wearing gloves otherwise I am washing my hands with antibacterial hand soap. I also have hand sanitizer dispensers scattered about my home and in my car. It was only after contracting a few "bugs" that I began to practice cleansing to this extent. I do not worry about whether or not it is due to the OCD or Asperger's, it is what it is.

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to ChristianWolff

Thanks for your reply

Krickit6 profile image
Krickit6

Yes, I feel the same way. I agree that it is more problematic for me in worrying that I am going to contaminate someone else, rather than worrying about myself! One that really bothers me is washing my hands in the bathroom, opening the bathroom door and turning out the light, and then wondering... Do I need to re-wash my hands before I get back to preparing food? I touched BATHROOM things.... but I JUST washed my hands... BUT what if..... Its awful.

ERP definitely works, though. I am feeling so much better, I touch a lot of things and dont worry. Well, I worry a little bit, but I rarely give in to the urges to re-wash. My therapist said I should only wash my hands if Ive gone to the bathroom or you know, prepared raw meat or eggs or something. Otherwise, there's no need. I have even done exposures where I pumped gas on my lunch break, returned to the office to eat my lunch, and DIDNT WASH MY HANDS. It was terrible at first, but now I feel proud every time I do it, or something similar. Its good, you cant imagine how free it feels to remove that thought pattern that plays over and over in your head. I couldnt imagine it, anyway, because I thought I would never get over the "disgusting" factor, but.. ERP is amazing, there's no doubt!!

GOOD LUCK!!

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Krickit6

Thank you Krickit6 for your reply! We share the same thought pattern where it comes to contamination. I too worry more about contaminating others. So glad to hear of the progress you have made with ERP- it will spur me on to really tackle my fears. Stay in touch 😊

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Wow-three of us that can relate,😊

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to Aleese

Hi LuvSun and Krickit6,

I have to tell you a funny true story of the past. Though, it was definitely nothing close to funny at the time, quite the opposite.

This is Contamination OCD-

Okay, my husband & I were looking at sail boats...sometimes we would be given the tour of the inside of them. Some are really nice like a little home. Anyways, this one particular boat we went inside to look at...The guy has everyone take their shoes off before walking through. I panicked when I learned that, because my socks weren’t clean or what I thought. Anyway, I said I would not walk through and just look from the doorway....as I probably announced, I was dirty ha! Anyway, he said, don’t worry about that and he said to me to walk through with my shoes. (I guess my shoes were okay to me in my mind cause, we all wear shoes outside of us and it’s not filth connected to our body).

Anyway, I still hesitated, I didn’t think it was right for me to wear my shoes when everyone else takes them off. But, all of a sudden....( I believe I’m the one who brought this up), I said, “do you have any newspaper to walk on?” So, here I am walking from paper to paper throughout the boat....so so carefully trying not to go over the line, as to say. It was brutal and that man will probably never forgot that lady to this day. It was bizarre!

I wanted to share this as we all can understand the torment of OCD- some of us, ‘contamination OCD....fear of contaminating others and fear of leaving our germs or dna behind. At the time it’s not funny to us it is torment. But, we can look back and see how far we have come, and can get a little chuckle.😊

I hope it’s okay I shared this.

When we know what we are dealing with and understand OCD, we don’t need to go through this torment. We can learn to not give into the threat of ocd.

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

I don’t mind at all that you shared this. In fact I’m glad you did. I could tell you many, many stories similar to that 😬. I hate having to touch my shoes to take them off to go through airline security. Also I have walked through the scanner with my belt on because I didn’t want to touch it take it off even though I knew there was a chance the scanner alarm would go off. Ugh

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

Thank you-So glad we can relate😁

Since I know about OCD now and ERP, what I can say for encouragement is that to combat any type of OCD is to not give into it. If I knew about OCD or had a therapist at the time of ‘my boat story’ in the above, my therapist most likely would have said, “walk In the boat with your socks on anyway, walk through the pain of compulsion to fix, make right or clean. Do not give into the threat that ocd is putting on you”. The more you keep doing this and not giving in, you will lessen the impact of OCD. OCD is an anxiety disorder of entrapment-a roller coaster ride that destroys our freedom to enjoy life.

LuvSun- Maybe twice a week Therapy as you mentioned may help you understand OCD better or work more closely on your ERP. Sometimes I haven’t always recognized when ocd would hit or if it was so that would screw me up.

Does your therapist give you ERP homework? Thinking of you as I know the struggle is real.

One time in the past, my therapist was working with me on one of my ocd struggles which was contamination OCD. Usually I wait in the hallway seating before my appointment. This time as I walked in to wait for my session, I headed over to the bathroom of which was a ‘sticky note’ on the door that said, “NO Linda! “ I chuckled as of course that wasn’t expected. She did not want me to use the bathroom before my session. What she was doing, is that my OCD would get in the way of trying to be clean...clean...clean. She did not want me to clean up at all before sitting in her office. I had to sit on the couch without any barrier, (I used to sit on my coat). She was getting me used to ‘leaving bits of Linda’ everywhere. (Eliminating the need to be clean and having me tolerate the feeling that maybe I wasn’t.😊 sometimes if I feel this threat while in the throws of contamination OCD ..I would say to myself, “ little bits of Linda everywhere”

So, that’s a little example of what my therapist would do as you asked.

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Aleese

Really appreciate you telling me this. Feel a connection with you🤝

Aleese profile image
Aleese in reply to LuvSun

🤝

Krickit6 profile image
Krickit6

Yes! I will be here if you need support! Not reassurance, but support :-) Go get 'em!

Oldbury1 profile image
Oldbury1

I know that's so me if I touch anything I have to handwash if I touch my own shoes or my childrens shoes, school bags with handles in case they have been on the floor or mud. I have the urge to wash immediately. Practically most things like my own stair bannister, post, letters anything my hands have swiped on I feel dirty. Dirty laundry I get that it's dirty after loading it up I have to handwash to feel better. Why did OCD ever come into this world or our lives?? How does one get chosen to perform such exhausting long time consuming rituals. Only OCD people can relate to this. I ask myself loads of time why me why did I get chosen out of 5 siblings to be like this? I try to explain to my family especially my mom I wish people saw this as a severe illness. I didn't chosen to be like this it just happened and gradually it builds up and up. I would do anything to swop places with a normal person? Does anyone relate to this? Family think you just do it and don't try to avoid it. I'm like I wish I could switch off and carry on as normal.

LuvSun profile image
LuvSun in reply to Oldbury1

I know how you feel- it is totally time consuming

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