Living Amongst OCD

[OCDspouse]

Hi everyone! I am here to try to understand and hopefully develop more compassion towards this disorder. My spouse has suffered from OCD for many years, but has significantly increased since the birth of our children. I'm wondering if you could offer me advice as to how to more appropriately deal with his OCD compulsions as they are starting to affect our relationship. I have seen a psychologist on my own for advice and she suggested that I should not be involving myself in his rituals (constant repeated questions, checking, putting things a certain way) but he gets extremely angry and frustrated with me when I don't comply. He is not willing to do any treatment besides taking Inositol which he says has helped take the edge off. Is there a way to encourage him to seek treatment? Or any more effective ways of dealing with his anxiety other than engaging in his rituals? He is very hesitant to talk to me about his anxiety. Thanks for your help

[Hidden]

Hello,

We have a lot of really great tips and resources for family members up on our website here: iocdf.org/families/

The content on here should help you start to build some strategies to best help your spouse. The professional you talked to is correct in saying you should avoid accommodating the OCD symptoms. We also have a really great article on what to do when someone you care for won't receive treatment: iocdf.org/expert-opinions/e...

[LuvSun]

Maybe you could share this forum with him so he could read what others are going through and realize he’s not alone. Also there are a lot of good books on OCD. I have found it helpful for me to read as much as I can about it. I myself have OCD and mine seemed to really kick in around the time I was starting a family- lots of added responsibility. He’s lucky to have you by his side. I have a husband who has stuck by my side for over 30 years and I feel very fortunate in that.

[Tcba in reply to LuvSun]

I second everything you’ve said, LuvSun.

[Tcba]

Do you have an idea about why he resists therapy? Is it a macho thing, or is he afraid of being challenged to use exposure and response prevention to change? Anger often stems from fear. Therapy can be hard work, but if you find a person who has been trained in treating OCD, it can really make a difference. Perhaps he can find a male therapist with whom he can connect. There are many online resources, as well. TheOCDstories.com has great podcasts. Facebook, Instagram, YouTube can all be sources of learning, encouragement and direction . OCD is no more shameful than diabetes. I also advise you to attend the IOCDF annual conference this year. You both will learn so much and feel energized and encouraged. I went to my first one last year, and I felt surrounded by smart, open and caring people who are living happily and successfully while managing OCD.

[Blue274]

I know I get frustrated with my brain and why I was born this way so I think he is more frustrated with having OCD. Don't disable him like he wants you to with reassurance but help to get him the resources that he needs so that he can learn to fight on his own.

[bab5]

Hello. OCD has a significant impact on the family, no matter who the sufferer(s) are/is. It is not surprising that OCD strengthened itself after the birth of children. OCD strongly affects relationships, so it is important to do exactly what you are doing now: seeking help. I am happy to hear that you have seen a psychologist for advice. Her suggestion is exactly right, but it is, obviously, much easier said than done.

Hopefully, he will become more open to treatment options for himself. There are multiple ways to encourage him to seek treatment. This, of course, depends on the individual. Professional help is necessary as well.

Unfortunately, the completion of rituals is the sole option for the temporary relief of OCD-related anxieties.

It is not uncommon for those struggling with OCD to be very reluctant to open up to ANYONE, even their own partner.

I wish you the best.