anyone else struggling

[Dragon80]

Good morning

I'm currently 8 eight month down the line since having a miscarriage & at last 6 months since my partner & me made the decision not to do anymore IVF due to age factor & finance. I've been having monthly counselling session which I feel is helping but I thought I was doing okay but last few weeks the grief & sadness has hit me again.

I'm fine going to work & everybody life but the constant thoughts off being childlessness, but also did we try hard enough during the IVF, should we have carried onto donation eggs as so many people have been successful with this process.

I just wanted to get this out as nobody in my life, family & friends really understand how it feels to be here plus I want to process my life without the constant thoughts or is time a healer will the feelings become less.

Thanks for reading, any advise would be appreciated. x

[hertsmeets Volunteer]

I'm so sorry to hear this is a tough time for you and it's absolutely understandable to feel like that.

Very few people understand how we feel if they haven't been through this experience, so it's very difficult to get empathy from friends and family. In some cases the things they say can be even more painful because they just don't get it.

I think we always tell ourselves we could have tried harder or continued trying, but the reality is that it takes so much from us, physically, emotionally, financially, in so many ways - it's really not straightforward as people think.

I tell myself that I did everything I could, but still walked away with some of my sanity and life left - and that is so important. We have to be kind to ourselves, we know how hard it was and we really tried. Equally, knowing that it's time to move on takes great courage.

One of the things that has been so helpful for me in this experience is to reach out to others who are childless not by choice - for example the Childless Collective community (formerly Gateway Women), the Full Stop Podcast community, or World Childless Week - (check out their websites) - these sites all have ways to connect with others who understand and they often have podcasts or videos so that you can hear people speaking without having to launch straight into speaking directly to people if you don't want to.

Talking to others and finding the childless community is the most important thing I did to help me - it is vital in terms of people recognising and understanding our grief, but also finding ways to move forward.

Please do continue to reach out to others who understand - and look after yourself. You're not alone in experiencing these feelings and finding others who understand is so helpful in the healing process, and ultimately in moving forward. Take care.