Continuation from last blog. Now its easter.

[coatpin]

Today Im hurting, my heart is hurting. My heating broke at 4.30pm Friday would you believe it. My youngest said come over,, so I packed, I wanted to tell my eldest father when he comes home, he just grunted. So much for me doing the right thing. I was soooo cold...3 below outside , no heating. So my youngest invited me to stay over at hers!!

So i text my daughter,, are you at home, hours later she said i was out to dinner and left my phone at home.

I already had my nose rubbed in it, that she was out with her super sister,, doing a egg hunt for the kids, the ones im not allowed to see.!! and then she was out with them to dinner. ( I used to do this for them when little)egg hunting.

Im excluded!!!

Im faced with this all the time, the bully has won, she did as she threatned to do,,, be alone, and turn everyone against me.

I know im sitting on my pity pot,, but it hurts.. she does this every time.

I wish I could just loose my memory again, and forget I had kids.. then it wouldnt hurt so much, what this eldest daughter is doing. Is just cruel, even her father said he goes to see the kids,, and he felt the same way as me. Finally after all these years!!! 30years in fact.

But he just laughs,,, and thinks we are as bad as eachother and I should not say anything to "upset her" but she is so moody you dont know if your going to say anything to upset her,, Im beginning to hate her,,, if you knew what I had to go through, sexual abuse, and bent gps,,and his manipuation so he wouldnt be found out, trying to have my kids put into care to break me,,,yeh he got away with it,,, all to try to keep her safe,,,

Now this is how Im being made to feel AGAIN!! was it worth it,,,,, Im wondering,,seriously wondering,,, no it wasnt... you would think she would understand,, but shes has turned against me, and hates me for it...or thats how it feels!!!

Her dad has just come down and said you okay,,, while Im trying to fight back tears....

[Jeffju]

This is a very confused blog. You were obviously hurting when you wrote it so it's hard to follow. I do hope that you are feeling a little better now and send all my best wishes and hugs to you.

[coatpin in reply to Jeffju]

Did you read the previous blog, then it might fall into place,, it was about my eldest daughter,,,

[Jeffju]

I scrolled way back and read your first blog and what a marvellous lady you must be , gaining a BA and studying whilst depressed. I think you must be a strong women and you must congratulate yourself on your achievement. Your kids should be so proud of you and not giving you a hard time. All I can say is be strong , that's obviously the sort of woman you are and look after yourself. Sending (((((hugs)))) to you for a better time. xx

[coatpin in reply to Jeffju]

Thank you kind sir,, but on the conterary, they dont!! they dont even respect my qualifications, or skills. Im not so strong as I appear,, on the outside,, Im hurting,, my life was them, I think I gave too much of myself,, too late now!!

Its funny the youngest contacted me yesterday,, saying, I have at least 3 hours of housework to do,,, which usually means mum, come help me,,, your great at housework,, and you always do mine!!! so I didnt reply or come running. So later,,, I replied, (I wanted to say cinderella but refrained) I have lost my usefullness, (as she said,, mum likes to be useful) (caretaker maybe) Then she said one time that she only likes people who are useful to her. yep you guessed it, I have been last on the list, because I havent been useful.

She text me today, to say, the little one is poorly, her chest (the eldest daughter became very helpful, in having the kids,),, and she smokes!!! in front of the kids, whereas she was complaining of "having the kids dumped on her front door, before she "became very helpful"

Time will tell. But,, studying ,, while depressed,, well the point I was trying to make was, I was being trained by counsellors,, they didnt notice!!! and it helped thinking of something eles,,, I loved it!!!

warm big hugs to you,,!!!,,, now Im going to write a book, on Games people play. and it will give a details about people and how they play games, in daily life, so you can notice for yourself, "these types" of behaviours hugs and love to all

[Suzie40]

I'd love a Mum like you x

[Jeffju]

Thanks for that coatpin and although I have a 'he' name I am a 'she' and a Mum. Fortunately my girls are very supportive.My Mum and Dad died last year and I would give anything to have them back. To be able to talk out problems and just talk. Your children don't realise what a great Mum they are missing out on. As you say, time will tell. Good luck with your book. xx

[coatpin]

I spoke to my other daughter, and it seems shes now rejecting one of her dogs,, being kept out in the conservatory, she had a cat who was very ill, and she prefered to spend her money on the conservatory, and wondered where this cat went,,, ??? she had a reptile, and just shut its light off, and the cabinate went upstairs,,, not to be spoken about,, and got very agressive if anyone asked about it,,, She goes out, and rescues these animals,, how cute ect, gets her the attention, I went out the back garden, and shit everywhere so much so, I stood in some,, I wasnt pleased..Everyone thinks what a wonderful person caring person she seems,,, little do they know,, what we have to deal with!!!