Mother-in-law does not bother with her son now his brother is dying and she still don't wanna no.. I'm at my wits end :'(

[annie87]

Anyone else with this problem? My husband's dad killed himself 14 years ago and my husband is still devastated his mother dosnt bother with him is his 4 brothers my husband was 14 at the time and his brothers were all under 8 years old, so he was left to look after them while his mum drank and went out with different men every weekend. It was my husband's bday yesterday and his mum didn't even phone we have 3 children and she has never bothered with them. It upsets him terribly with Me having depression I'm not much help with comforting him sadly now his youngest brother had started self harming and is dying in hospital needing a liver transplant my husband is in bits as he feels he's let his dad down in looking after his brothers in desperation he phoned and told his mum on Monday about the brother as she is next of kun she said she dosnt care and will not be at the hospital. It's so awful I'm so close to attacking this selfish bitch!! What do we do??

[SueBeeSue]

Oh Annie. How awful. It must have been so difficult for your husband simply to have coped himself with what happened when he was only 14, let alone do all he did to help and support his brothers. What an amazing guy. You must be so proud of him.

Your husband can't blame himself for other people's choices. Yes it hurts so much I'm sure. People do what they do. You've given mum in law the opportunity to be supportive, she's chosen not to be. We can only speculate as to why she is behaving the way she is.

My thoughts are what's important is that your husband realises he has done more than any brother/son can reasonably do and he certainly hasn't let his dad down at all.

Regarding your comments about your depression, I know that suffering from depression myself it feels like a herculean effort just to get through the day sometimes, when those around me are dealing with difficult problems too, it's so hard to provide the support I'd like to. But your hubby sounds like such a caring loving guy, I'm sure he knows you're doing all you can.

My thoughts are mum in law has made her choice. Let her live with that, not you. Just letting it go is easier said than done, I know. Your husband and brothers in law certainly don't deserve all this. You focus your attention on those that do deserve that caring, love, kindness and compassion - yourselves and each other.

I do hope your brother in law makes a full recovery. Thoughts are with you. Take care. Love and hugs. Sue xx

[Photogeek]

Thats a terrible situation, your poor husband has had a hard time, he did the best he could, and should not feel guilty, a lot was put on his shoulders. You concentrate on you and your husband, totally forget on the mother in law, she wont change, and will only upset you all, hope the brother in law gets better. So just focus on yourselves, and dont waste precious time worrying or getting anygry over the past, it cannot be reversed and its a waste of time, enjoy each day and be good to yourself too, at this stressful time. Hugs to you.

[coatpin]

Sadly yes my son in law, was in simular situation. At the moment you are in a very emotional situation, you cant help the world.

This lady is in her own mess, shes sick,and you cant expect a sick person, to suddenly step up to the plate, because she cant come up to your expectations. The sooner you realise, that shes too sick to help anyone even herself. The better, for you. She can never love anyone because she doesnt love herself. A crap parent, probably produced from another crap parent.

Realising that,,,hurts,,, gut wrenchingly hurts deep to the core.

Finding a counsellor that, deals with the inner child.

But all you can do for them is just be there.

Its a prime example of one crap parent, producing kids,,, wrecking thier lives, and then they have kids, and becoming toxic parents too.

This cycle can be stopped, you need specialist help.

take care of yourself, x

[annie87]

Thank you all for the replys, my mother in law is a selfish bitch we have accepted that now and have put her out of our lives and minds I hate her ans always will for what she has done to my husband and brotherinlaws and my kids. We got the. Next of kin changed so now we can know exactly what is going on with him. He's in the city hospital in belfast on list for a new liver then he's being moved to s detox centre in Newry for 6months I just hope he pulls through. Doctor said with every operation there is risks but he should be fine the hard bit is keeping him off drink, drugs and self harming on getting him home. We are going to all we can but with 3children if our own it will be hard to watch him 24/7. Thanks fir support means alot. Xx