I don’t know anymore

[Imaginator997]

From the outside I may appear fine. But there is not a day that goes by that suicide does not cross my mind. If I had a gun right now I would use it. I feel worthless useless dumb and can’t do anything right. I have the characters in my head who reinforce how useless I am as well. I also have another character who tells me my purpose is Mr. Imaginator on earth 686. Whenever I watch tv shows I feel as if the tv speaks to me and that I can be those characters. Example watching a Batman movie I get absorbed in the movie and feel I can be Batman if I kill my self. That’s why the name Mr imaginator fits me, my imagitive mind does not exist here but exists in another world. In addition the same feeling happens when I listen to music. Anyways I feel like a loser here for example I can’t drive because of my anxiety. I feel like I can’t help my parents when I get older because of how useless I am.

[Hidden]

997

How old are you ? When we are young we can have queer thoughts of being the person on the TV, in my early ends it was a heady experience where I would sing and play loud music it the music centre microphone.

It did not lost very long, and I seemed to loose this part of my imagination at around fourteen. The same with some book like Ian Fleming, Bond Books and some or the Dennis Wheatley publications. When I was about ten or twelve I would read books, Biggles, that sent me down the road to be an Aircraft Controller.

We all go through these types of feelings, a form of escapism. It helped me imagine and not worry about my examinations.

Eventually I did my training as a Controller, not with Civil/ Military Aviation. Is that what you mean ??.

BOB

[Hidden]

When you consider taking your life, these thoughts can become habit forming, you will consider the act although you may not wish to do it deep down. However you need to take this habit seriously and talk to your GP.

Make an appointment and discuss your negative thoughts. Write a list for your reasons of feeling the way you do, your GP should have ways to help you move on in your life.

Remember Suicide is not like having a cold, the consequences are much more serious not only to you also to your friends and family who would never be able to forgive themselves if they were unable to be there for you.

I tried Suicide quite a while ago, I failed glad to say, although My Wife still watches over me, even to the extent of being in the GP Surgery with me when I attend, She also looks after my medications and orders my top up script when I need refills. She has become proactive in most of my conditions, just because She blamed herself at my attempt.

Consider the consequences of any negative actions, When we are gone our people have to continue living their Lives, with your Loss still heavily on their mind,

Keep a hold

BOB

[Goldfish_]

seems like you only write new posts and don't chat reply to ones you do .

SOldiering on, try to focus on positives.

Are you seeing a health professional?