Hi...

[Enelie]

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for a couple months now, maybe a year. I haven’t kept track. Obviously to be diagnosed I would’ve been going through this before I was diagnosed too.

I was suspecting depression, was surprised about having anxiety. And boy does it suck.

Main thing I’ve had on my chest lately, when I’m sad the sadness/ the emotions/ feelings seem to take over. My thoughts are just down and sometimes even suicidal. Id never act on them... because I know that I’ll feel better. The simplest thing (like my grandma on her phone, or me worrying about what someone thinks, or eating too much) could set off this negative thinking frenzy and it worries me. It really does take over. And when I’m thinking in such an awful way of course my actions and behaviors change too. Like this morning I had an overeating episode and the rest of the day until now cause I watched a good show I felt so bad. doubting why I should try etc. writing this out, it’s more clear how illogical my brain is.. it ******* sucks. it’s nearly every day. Does this go away? I’m taking meds, which have helped me feel happier. oh my god I can’t imagine how horrible I’d feel if I weren’t taking any. when I’m sad or angry or anything negative it’s too strong for me to think rationally. is this normal? I don’t think it is. I sure hope not.

this Post is too long but **** it. I have body issues. and surprise surprise food issues. usually overeating or eating the wrong/ unhealthy thing leads to sadness and frustration and “why am I so weak, why do I try, **** it whatever” and looking at my body leads to me being so so irritated and just wanting to be left alone. I have avoided going to the pool or wearing certain things and avoiding certain ways to sit for so long now. I skipped school so I didn’t have to go to the pool. that’s not okay, but I feel that it’s better than allowing people to see my body. I probably hate it more than most. I used to underwear but that was more of a fad. That triggered the overeating and the overeating has lasted much longer. I went from 130lb to 116 in a short period of time and then ... I don’t feel like explaining this. Details are fuzzy for myself anyways. It doesn’t matter. I’m around 140 now. don’t like it.

Hah, here I go with the negative thinking. I’ve come a long way. Don’t forget it em. You’re gonna be ok. I’m so emotionally unstable, I’m not sure if it’s normal. I don’t want it to be, I’d like to have more control. Control hah. There’s so much I could say and there’s so much I would leave out. Life is ****** Up. Yet I want to believe it’s a gift. It is, if I’m not in this ****** up negative unhealthy mindset. I think I’m writing this more for me to let loose some feelings and confusion. I want someone to tell me that I’ll be okay and them actually believe it and know it. I don’t have many people who care for me and show it in the ways I need .. goodbye gonna go watch stranger things ✌🏻

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Enelie,

Welcome to this community. So sorry to hear about your difficulties and struggle. It's a good first step that you have been able to talk to us here. Perhaps you could tell us how old you are?

You say that taking medication has helped you. Are you also having any counselling or other talking therapies?

This is a very supportive community and our members will share their experience and wisdom with you. Also take a look around the site and at the pinned posts where you will find a lot of useful information.

We have made a few small edits to your post to remove a few words which are in breach of our community guidelines.

Best wishes and please keep talking to us here.

MAS Nurse & Moderator

[kenster1]

hi and welcome to you forgive me if im wrong here but 140lb is roughly 10 stone I think and I wouldn't say that is by any means to heavy.now that you have a diagnosis I hope you have some support as well.

[soph_7]

I can completely relate to this, I thought I was reading about myself. Life feels like a constant battle sometimes, but I know I’ve been through it before and I’ll get through it again.