What is wrong with me?

[tammyjala]

I just can’t work. I’m trying. I know I could try harder. I know that there are so many things I need to work on that need to get done but I just can’t. It feels like my mind is somewhere else and I can’t keep it normal. My body is on autopilot. I don’t know what I did today all day, I don’t know what I did all of yesterday. I just wouldn’t be able to tell you. All I can think is how I’m messing up and need to get to work. It’s stressing me out that I can’t. I know they’re mental blocks but I can’t tell what they are. A lot of my thoughts go left unfinished. I understand half of it but can’t fully grasp it. Even if I’m this stressed and do my work I get a huge headache and get extremely frustrated. It feels like my brain is bouncing up and down and I get pins and needles everywhere. I also always have the urge to scream or throw something or break something. The past few days have been worse than ever. I don’t know where my head is at but it’s not where it should be and I can’t get it back. When I wake up, all I think is how I can get out of school and anything to do with it. I feel sick in my stomach I am always tired for strange reasons but energetic at the same time. The only way I go to sleep is with the lights on watching a movie. There was a period of time a couple weeks ago when I worked for most of the time and I got my things done but I can’t do that again. All I wanna do is drop out of school but I have the opportunity of going to one of the best schools and I know I’m smart enough to do the work I just can’t. My teachers have tried to get me to do ADD testing but my whole family thinks its bullshit.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Tammyjala

Thanks for your message. I am so sorry you are having a really bad time. It sounds as if you feel stuck in your situation. It is a positive thing to tell us about how things are for you.

Our members are very supportive, so may be able to offer you more information and support.

Perhaps you can let us know how old you are?

There will be help for you. Have you talked about how you are feeling with a parent or friend or someone at school?

Your doctor can also help perhaps you could go and talk to them, they can tell you about health services for younger people that can help too. If it feels difficult you can write things down to tell them.

If you look at the pinned posts and topics there is more information.

Do let us know more about you and keep in touch

Take care

[Foof]

Hi Tammyjala

It sounds as if your teachers have picked up on your distress...?

Do you have any particular teachers you feel close to? That you could talk to?

If you do, please ask them for some time so you can talk about how you are feeling. I know this is extremely hard to do, but you have taken a really important step writing on here about how you are feeling. Maybe you have a friend at school who you confide in? Perhaps they could help you in talking to a favourite teacher?

Does your school have a counsellor at all? If so, please approach them as well. If not, you should have someone in your school, possibly your head of Year who is responsible for your wellbeing...is it possible for you and friend on your behalf to ask them for help?

Would it be easier to send what you have written here on email to a teacher?

You are having a huge amount of pressure put on you regarding your exams..am I right?

Teachers have a lot of pressure put on them to produce good exam results and they will then put that on you.

But remember..YOUR LIFE WILL NOT END IF YOU DONT GET YOUR GRADES.

Concentrate on simply achieving grade C (or the new equivalent) in maths and English and 3 other subjects,

That is probably not what your parents are wanting you to achieve, and parents can get very caught up in you doing well at school. This can put a huge amount of pressure on you not to let them down.

But darling, their job is to protect you and help you be the best you can be and sometimes they lose sight of how that makes you feel. They are so concerned about you getting good grades because of your future.

But they are losing sight of how it’s making you feel now. I’m picking up that it’s difficult for you to tell them?

But they would rather have you healthy and happy then a with string of qualifications in the long run. But they have forgotten that for now.

This schoolwork is important, but not so important it makes you ill.

Nothing is that important.

But the big secret no one is telling you is that life does go on if you fail your exams.

I have a feeling that would mean passing them with lower grades in your case...which is not failing them at all.

Failure is one of life best teachers, and one of the best things to happen to us in many ways.

It teaches us to be strong and to pick ourselves up and start again. That it wasn’t as bad as you imagined it would be. To realise where you went wrong for the next attempt. That you didn’t need it to be perfect

Your health is far more important then your exams. So please put your energy into finding someone or others who will listen and start putting in place the help you need. That will include talking to your parents.

In a way this is the real one that matters test sweetheart, and you will get better xxxxxx

[tammyjala in reply to Foof]

Thank you so much for the reply.

I have approached both my counselors before but one of them only made everything worse by stressing me out more and focusing on things that werent even there and the other just got frustrated by me and kind of yelled.

My parents are quite supportive. I had a long conversation with my mom this morning about my feelings. I am passing with a bare minumum at the moment but although this is enough for me and my family, it isnt for my school.

They're trying to implement all these changes they think are good for me (such as moving me classes, changing my schedule) but it just seems to be getting worse. My friends don't understand what I mean and just think its the same as them (I'm in the ib, hardest program in the world according to many).

A lot of my friends have mental breakdowns due to school. Theres not much they could do.

I don't really have any teachers I'm close to because they all left the previous year, and there arent any psychologists or good doctors in the area I live. I just feel kinda lost.

[Foof]

I’m really glad that you managed to talk to your mum, please keep talking and don’t feel discouraged if she is busy or not seeming to listen. She has a lot on her mind, try and pick a time when she is less busy or ask for five minutes later.

If you and you family are ok with your performance at school then that’s good enough.

It’s very hard to go against school but if your health is at risk you cannot continue doing this if it’s making you ill.

My son is also taking his exams and the pressure from staff and school is huge.

I have told him to just focus on his maths and English and 3 others at grade C.

That enables you to get on to the next courses at college or sixth form. If your school has a sixth form it might be an idea for you to consider a college rather then stay at school.

If you don’t get them....nobody dies!

You can do them again. It’s a pain and better avoided, but hey, nobody has died.

The pressure they put on you is because they have pressure on them,

But they are adults and should handle it.

You are a child and it is unacceptable.

In this you will have to be more adult and make a decision about what you are happy to achieve and stick with it. Even if it is not what school want from you.

Take care, you have your whole life ahead of you and this is a very tiny part of it. It is not as massively important as they make out. Xxxxx