I am so depressed and low after losing my girlfriend and bestfriend, I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

[Warmstar]

Hi all,

I came here to finally seek some help, i can't bear this much longer, this pain and sadness and loneliness is just unbearable.

About 1 year ago i met the girl who i thought to be the love of my life, it was long distance and my first serious relationship, after a few months I went to visit her and we were so happy together, she loved me and i loved her and we would tell eachother all the time. She was not only my girlfriend but my best friend too, the only person i could talk to about anything and i gave my everything into this relationship.

The relationship started going downhill about August or September last year and we soon broke up a few months before christmas. It didn't truly hit me that we broke up and it was over until we decided being friends wouldn't work so we took a break from eachother. It was then i started to feel so lonely and helpless, not only that but my course and college was becoming boring, uninteresting, and not what I wanted to do. I don't know if that is because the breakup or not, but even after staying on the course i still feel terrible about it today and im looking for other options, but none seem reasonable or good.

We took about 3 months of breaks where we would try and talk each month but it always fell to pieces. She would start acting like she hated me and that she has no emotions, only to tell me her true feelings right before i was going to stop talking to her. It feels like we can't even be friends.

I wrote her yesterday only to find it looked like she was doing so well without me. We have talked a fair amount and she hasn't yet said one nice thing or even acknowledged my sadness or attempt to be friends. I know she is wrong for me, I don't even want to be with her anymore. The love i have is more like care and compassion than want for her. I simply can't take this anymore. I am only 17 and I haven't been truly happy in months. I spend most of my time in my room by myself, there isnt much to do where I live, but even so i have no motivation to do anything. It has gotten to the point where I think about suicide everyday and just question why I am here, what is my purpose if I am just going to be sad all my life, if i am gone then I can be at peace. I realise I probably need a change in my lifestyle but i dont have motivation.

Not only that but I feel like I can never love someone again, I still think back at our happy memories everyday, i dont sleep and eat properly, and no longer talk to my friends outside of college. I feel as if my life is crumbling, what hurts the most is seeing my ex almost without care, she is a completely different person than to when I was with her and I cant accept it or understand it, she just doesnt care about anything.

I am sorry for being annoying but i really need help and advice if anyone has anything to offer I would really appreciate it.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad about the break up of your relationship. I presume this is your first serious one?

I doubt there are many people who haven't been through this and we have all come out of the other side. The way to do it is to accept and understand you have to move on. At the moment you are clinging to the past and refusing to let it go.

You have to break all contact with girl, painful though it may be, and concentrate on looking outwards and getting yourself out into the social whirl as much as possible. I know you won't feel like it but trust me it is the best way.

Be grateful for this relationship as at least you know you can love someone. I promise you that you will find a new relationship one day which will last. x

[Warmstar in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks, it's hard but my family have told me the same.

[hypercat54 in reply to Warmstar]

Of course it's hard but like I said most of us have been there and felt the pain. You never forget your first love but you have to move on in life and not keep harking back to the past.

Maybe make a bonfire of all her pictures/letters might help? Everyone has their own ways of getting past it and dealing with the pain. x

[Katzenjammer82]

I still remember my first love and first heartbreak. I thought there was something wrong with me. That I was unlovable.

The tricky thing about depression is many endings tend to hit us harder than others.

And, at 35, I’ve had a lot of loves and a lot of heart break. I was even married for almost 10 years and he cheated on me. I never thought I’d survive that, but I did.

It hurts when the one person you trusted most in life betrays you.

But this girl doesn’t sound very nice if she’s treating you so poorly. I agree that ending all contact with her is the healthy way to go. It won’t be easy, but it is the best for you.

It is ok to mourn the lost love and friendship you two once had, but it’s not ok to live in those feelings.

Depression can also steal motivation and cause us to avoid and hide. It’s so easy. Depression is selfish and wants us to be miserable and alone.

And it’s not your fault. I’ve had so many people tell me to stop being depressed as if it were a choice.

I know sometimes writing things down have helped me. I put all my emotions and thoughts on paper.

I also try to do one positive affirmation a day.

And I try to listen to happy music or watch a funny movie or funny video on YouTube.

And when I’m really down I will force myself to hang out with friends even though I really don’t want to. But once I’m there with friends I feel better and afterwards I’m glad I did.

So maybe some of those things might help you.

[Warmstar in reply to Katzenjammer82]

I have tried doing things to make me happy, but you are right I need to get out more even if I'm not motivated to do so. I'm getting fed up of being sad.

[salfnd]

Oh sweetheart, First Love is the hardest to get over but you will I promise, you may not see it now but you will. I agree cut all ties with your Ex as this isnt healthy for you. My worry is the thoughts your having and spending alot of time on your own. You need to get up shake yourself off and show her you can live without her like she is. Because you can, You need to start going out with friends and building a life for yourself, your 17 you have your whole life in front of you and you will love again and your properly have a few more relationships that might not work until you find that one girl who truly loves you for who you are and wants to spend her life with you. Life isnt easy but its what we make it and we have hurdles to get over but we do because we are strong . Have you seen your Gp about your Depresion? If your on Medication for it they may need tweaking abit just to get you through this difficult patch. Dont let this one girl ruin the rest of your life sweetie, You are too important for that to happen and too good for her. Take care.. Big Hugs xx

[Warmstar in reply to salfnd]

Thank you so much I am against taking anti-depressants because I am worried about becoming reliant on them, but my family is going to start paying for counselling for me so that I just have someone I can completely open up to and let out my feelings. I understand I need to remove her from my life, the hardest part is seeing how much she changed, maybe she was always like this and i could never see it because i was blinded by love. But that is the most painful part, a friend is all i wanted but i need to move on.

[Ehsanbey]

Hi my young friend

First of all I know this is late, and you done a good job to write about your problems here, it would help you, I am truely sorry for the situation you have faced or facing right now, the time my friend the time; it will solve many things and hopefully this, I understand you compeletely and I just want to say that this is not the end of the world, you are young and seems a nice person so try yo skip this xp and seek for another, simply people can change and I dont understand it well too but I accepred this. So I know you cant forget her or you expect some attention or sth. But pass this and give yourself a break, take a look around, take care of yourself more because of yourself, do some sport or whatever you like to motivate yourself again and then seek someone new.