10-11yrs Suffering.

[NoWisdom]

Hmmm, where do i start. You may want to make a nice cuppa as this could be a long read/story.

Well i've always been a happy soul and the life of the parties, then back in 1999 i met someone or should i say she met me. She got a job at the place i was running and did all the chasing. Our first date was April 99 and by Oct 99 we had moved into a flat together and in Nov/Dec she told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon as i was hitting 30yrs old and being a bit of a cad i never thought i'd settle down even though i love kids to bits. I remember that night at work when i got a phone call from my girlfriends mother, who i had never met yet. She told me who she was on the phone, then started telling/ordering me to tell her daughter to have an abortion. I politely said i'm going to hang the phone up now. When i got home my girlfriend asked why i was not my usual self and i said i'm ok just a long day. She didn't believe me so in the end i told her. Next day she went to have it out with her mother, she came back later with doubts in her head whether to go ahead with the pregnancy. I was so upset as we were both over the moon she was pregnant. I was warned by my girlfriends sisters and father that the mother was a nasty cow and just to ignore her. Anyways Aug 2000 came and my child was born. My friend who owned all the properties in the street asked if we wanted to move out of the flat into one of the houses to which we did in April 2001. I got a job right next door to the house we lived in so meant i could work 16hr days and pop home for lunch and see them both. My girlfriend wanted to start getting her own income and started using the house for pyramid selling schemes along with her mother. I told her it was a bad idea but she had about £13K just sitting there burning a hole in her pocket. Sure enough she spunked the lot which pretty much started the war of words and her mother putting her two pennies worth in. After my childs 1st birthday we pretty much split up and she moved to her mums, within a few days she came crying back saying she couldn't live with her mum. I asked her to give me a day or two to look about and she could have the house as i didn't want my child being upset or homeless. I went back to my parents to live which i dreaded as i hated my father but loved my mother. I still worked hard and was earning about £1k a week doing two full time jobs. I was giving her half of my wage even though we weren't married or anything but that's me.

8mths later i got offered a flat on the local Housing Association as it was like walking on egg shells in my fathers house. He hated having me there and my daughter at weekends. My father didn't do kids, or so my mother told a friend when i was eves dropping one day. Why did he have four kids then?. Well i moved into my new upstairs flat and everything was going great with contact with my child though i was having problems with my neighbour for over two years which brings it up to 2003 and my child being 3yrs old now. My neighbour was breeding rottweillers and one nearly broke through the garden fence to attack my child. For over two yrs i put up with music and nearly 30 dogs in a one bedroom flat barking all day long and night when i got in from work. The Housing did nothing though they came round and said yes it is very noisey. In the end i wrote to the house of commons and they decided to move me before putting in sound insulation. Just before i moved my child told me that a policeman had splashed water on her face the other day. I asked her mother about this and she said she was just playing around with you. Next day i met an old friend of ours who asked why i wasn't at my childs christening. I was gobsmacked, he said everyone was there for your childs christening even your ex-girlfriends drug dealing boyfriend and his mother was made godmother. They even changed your childs surname. I approached her again though little did she know that i knew what had happened, she once again denied this. My child was 3yrs old and i knew she wasn't lying about what she thought was a policeman but infact a priest. My ex started getting all funny and stopped my contact with my daughter.

I contacted a solicitor and they tried to be amicable with her but she just kept ignoring them so she left us no choice but to take the case to court after months of letters going back n forth. When we got to court her barrister had told the court that the mother had stopped contact because i was threatening her to which i wasn't. All i mentioned was i don't want those two drug dealing brothers near my child. After the court case the judge laughed at her lies and gave me contact back and i also agreed to a double barreled surname. It took over a year to get the case to court because everytime she received a letter from my solicitor she threw another accusation/lie back. Oh! also we were both cautioned by the police for sending text messages back n forth and they called it harrassement to eachother. The other thing at court was she lied where she lived. Thinking she only lived down the road she had moved miles away, i didnt know this as i was a non-driver and she would drop my child off when contact was ever running.

Since that court case in 2005 around 2yrs had passed by and it all started again with her stopping contact because i wouldn't agree to her taking my daughter out of the country for two months. Well i sent her 30+ text messages telling her what i thought of her and the police arrested me for harrassement as we had both been warned in the past. I was handcuffed on my doorstep, taken to the police station where they did swabs, finger printing and they were even going to shove their hand up my backside. They threw me in a cell for over 26hrs without anything to eat or drink and took me to court the next day. My barrister explained to me that although i hadn't committed a huge offence and in anytime had i visited her address as i didnt drive i had to plead guilty and agree to go on a wife beating course for 8mths and weekly visits to a probation officer. Well that's exactly what i got + a criminal record for fighting to see my child. There was plenty of other stuff that she had done but trying to keep this story short.

2007 and the court case has been going on for over a yr and i was granted every Sunday contact from 10am to 5-6pm. In the past she stopped contact because my childs weekend with me fell on Mothers day. Instead of just asking if ok to swap weekends she would just stop contact and make some excuse up in court that i had done this and done that. This time when she stopped contact she told the judge i had spent all sunday contact in the bath with my child. The judge took one look at her and said you're lying, why would a father waste his only day of contact in a bath with his child and by the way i have 6 letters here stating father and child were at a friends childs birthday party. During this lengthy court case we had to visit cafcass and they came and visited us at home with child. The mother also accused me of sexual abuse towards my child and a whole bunch of other stuff. The judge decided to get in the countries best Psychologist as she had never seen a case like this one. The mother wasnt happy as it would be a man but the judge said the top 5 in the country are all men. The Psychologist visited us both alone and with child present throughout the whole Saturday. When we arrived back at Court my solicitor came running over saying she won't apologise but her legal team are offering an olive branch. The Psychologist report came back that the mother was carrying huge issues from her childhood when her parents split and was handing and telling our child a pack of lies about the father. The report was about 10-12 pages long with just one bit at the end about me the father which stated, father is over-protective of his child which isnt a bad thing. The judge gave me back my contact and holidays with my child, as we left the court the mother just looked at me and said one day we will move to another country. She has done everything in her power to get me locked up and out of my childs life. When i went on the eight month course all the other guys laughed at me when i had to get up and tell them why i was there. They were like, we have pointed guns/knives at our partners and been to prison then here and you not ONCE in all that time went near your ex apart from attending the courts. I was accused of so much more towards my child but chose to keep it brief here.

This is what the Justice System has to offer an innocent father who wants contact with his child......Criminal Record, 2yrs Probation, Court cost fine, Locked up over 24hrs in a cell and 8mths on a wife beating course though father never made any contact what so ever with mother. This and court case ended around 2010 so took 3yrs.

Over the years the stress of that neighbour over 2yrs and the mothers actions back in 2003 Christening my child behind my back have taken their toll on me. She brainwashed my child into having a better life in America and my child said if i didnt agree to this they would hate me forever. They left for USA Aug 2013. My child said they would text me everyday with lots of phone calls and skype yet hardly anything but a rushed text. So over these past yrs i have gone from a happy down to earth guy who thrives always on the truth to a guy who nearly died lying in his bed for three weeks with an unknown illness just over a yr ago. I had Liver/Kidney/Hernia/Pancreas problem or so thats what they told me. I had an operation right across the centre of my stomach to which is an ugly scar now. I was told i have diabetes so i take Metformin/Gliclazide and i take Sertraline as a few months ago i got so low i wanted to commit suicide and had many thoughts on how to go about it, even looking online for the best and quickest way to end my life. I do take some other tablets, about 9 each day. I don't speak to any of my family and i have not a single friend in the world. I buy the odd rubbish online to give me a cheery hour or so.

I kinda had a go at my child when i eventually got a response/reply from her this weekend saying you never contact or text me yet you promised me you would stay in touch. Back to feeling really low again and having those suicide thoughts again tonight. I have seen someone/counselor the first time around when i had these thoughts but the guy was a plum.

Feel a wee bit better writing this as it's taken my mind away from those feelings and images. Sorry if i went on a bit ..................

[Stilltrying_]

Yes it is a bit of a long read and I havn't been able to take it all in fully as it is quite late now; but I hope it has helped writing it all out. I often find it helps me to write it out and then sometimes as well people will reply and it is nice to be aknowledged i know.

Sounds like you've had a tough time to say the least! Will give it more of a read in the morning if you'll excuse me as I'm tired now and off to bed . Just thought I'd let you know someone has read it and heard your story.

Gemma X

[Hidden]

Hi there, I think maybe you have more wisdom than you think.

You sure have been through Hell and High water for the last dozen years by the sound of it, so lets hope that is now all past and then next dozen can be more how you want to live your life.

Sadly you cannot change much as far as your daughter is concerned, you can only hope that eventually she will find her way back to you one of these days, and a good father daughter relationship can start to grow again, you have already planted that seed and she knows you love her very much and did not want her to go so far away.

But after all you have been through its now time to just focus life on you, picking up the pieces and building a good life for yourself here and now.

To start with you need to build up friendships, you are far too young to be so lonely and need to start working on your social skills to build new friendships, join social groups, meet new people and start to enjoy life.

Depression does not make this easier, but its not impossible. Start to think where your interests lay? You sound a very intelligent person, so I am sure there are things you would like to do with your life that you maybe haven’t tried yet? You can beat this illness, but it will take a little effort (well maybe I lie, it takes a lot of effort, but what have you got to loose?) to do so, after all why be miserable living in the past when the future, although may be scary at times, but could also be so full of excitement and happiness?

There are some good websites that can help, like compassionatemind.co.uk and livinglifetothefull that maybe worth a look at. I know it’s hard, I often struggle with life and I have lots of things I enjoy and love so much.

No one will ever dispute that you have had a very rough ride so far, which hopefully has given you a lot of strength even though you may not think so now that you feel your life is just crumbling around you and you feel so alone. But your not alone, there are a lot of people that care, so please be brave and start to rebuild a good life for yourself and a good future. Preserver maybe and try another councilor if you can, as that can be a great help until you are able to make headway in your own well being. Maybe group therapy might help? Anything that helps you realise you are not alone and can regain control of how you want your life to go now, not where you have been, but look ahead only.

You take care, and I hope things start improving little by little, it wont change over night, but perseverance is a wonderful thing, keep moving in the right direction and you will eventually get to where you really want to go.

Lots of Hugs to you, Moni xxxx

[NoWisdom]

Thanks for the replies people, didn't sleep last night till about 5am this morning but did get a text from my Daughter before bed saying "I'm Soooooo sorry dad and love you so much". She also text me today to wish me a great day also so that has picked me up some. I guess after everything and now she moved my child thousands of miles away i have shut myself away from the world and my family have never ever supported me through all those false allegations and just left me to rot on my own. After all the false and disgusting allegations to get me out of my childs life the final straw was when i turned up one day and there was my parents having a laugh and a joke on their doorstep with this person who had said all these things about me, their son. My father even told me on a previous occasion to walk away from my child and let them get on with their lives though all i wanted was to be a part of my childs life as i had been from when she was born. Just wanted my holidays and weekend contact back. I have missed most of my childs growing up and will continue to do so, very hard for a father to just move on. I live on my own and i prefer that. I have gone from a person who everyone wanted to be around for pure enjoyment value to an unsociable and a very angry individual who is getting less angry with help from the tablets that keep my mind calmer. Found it hard to move on as i will never ever forgive someone for doing that to me no matter how many counselors try. I can try to move on with my life but i will never forgive the one person i hate and detest. Never hated anyone in my life but you can blame the Police & Sh**e Justice system for that also. Like i said before, the judge had never seen a case like this before that dragged out so long yet the mother walked away scott free everytime and i was punished for nothing. Even at court one day we were asked to sit with a mediator and i told her to look in my eyes and tell me to my face if she really thought these things went on. She just sat there looking away like the little LIAR she is and the mediator didn't contribute nothing in court. She broke 5-6 court orders yet i was the one being punished everytime because she made up lies and i lost contact. I hate this person so much that if she got run over by a bus tomorrow i wouldn't even bat an eyelid for what she has done yet she walked away as if butter wouldn't melt on her poisonous tongue. She can rot in hell when her time comes. I really feel for fathers that want to be a part of their childrens lives, the ones that are offered contact yet walk away are nothing but heartless scum.

Right rant over.

Thanks for the replies x

[Hidden in reply to NoWisdom]

I don’t think you are expected to ever forgive and forget, but coming to terms with a situation is the only way to move forward. You cannot change what a person has done to you, but replying this in your own mind is only self punishment. Yes she inflicted immense pain along with the justice system and anyone that supported her along the way, but it’s what is now reliving this in your mind over and over that is doing so much more damage.

Keeping a long distance relationship with your daughter is going to be difficult, but when doing this just try as hard as you can to keep this between just the two of you, never mention her mother or anything that has happened in the past, it’s very hard, but you must leave the past in the past, just talk about what she is doing, if she mentions anything about her mother, just try as hard as you can to talk about your daughter only and how you miss her, wish her well at school and just reinforce that no matter how far away from her you now are you wish her well and are there for her.

No matter how bitter you are feeling you now need to realize that the only person that can still hurt you now is yourself, the world will always be a very unjust place to live in, But you do have someone very special in your life, no matter how far away she is. Why not make something of that life now knowing that one day she could just walk back into your life? What do you want her to find when she does? How about a good successful father who is happy and secure and show her life is worth living when you give it a chance.

Remember this you can do for both of you xxxxx

[Gambit62]

Just to say that I've read through post.

Good that you have found some way of letting things out and hope that it helps.

Also glad that the tablets are helping with the anger management.