Distorted view

[littlemouse]

I want to go and punch him, but i'm weak and he could hurt me. i want to help their kids but i don't want them to leave or hate me. he looks at me with anger, disgust and hatred. i'm scared, at any moment his mood could change, he could fall deeper into the void, into his thoughts and his twisted mind, hes drunk and confused, reality distorted. i consider stabbing him, bashing him across the head hard. i want out but i'm bound by guilt and conscience, tomorrow will be different. could i ever really do it? how far do i need to be pushed? I'm cracked and glued, cracked and glued, so many times i'm fragile now. when will i break. how?. i want to hurt people a little more than they have hurt me. to leave them with mental anguish, my goal would never be to kill, only to cause immense suffering to them, and those who choose them. and he sits quietly now as do i. hes under a spell so forgive i must. but i'm under no spell, i see unclear too far ahead, i try to see but i'm blinded and the view may be distorted.

[Stilltrying_]

Hello little mouse your writings suggest like gambit answered on another that you may be stuck in an abusive relationship (with an alcoholic?) If this is the case you need to get appropriate help for this. I am not sure of who it is best for you to approach but if you have a family doctor who you trust maybe that could be your first port of call?

Or maybe do an online search for what help for domestic violence may be available in your area. A lot of the sites have a facility on them where you can quickly leave the page if someone sees you browsing and make sure you delete your browsing history if it is a partner or they will be able to track what you have been doing which could put you in more danger.

Best of luck with this.

Gemma X