I don't know what else to do...

[erravi]

I am 23 years old and have suffered from severe depression for a huge part of my life, I go through periods of manic happiness (usually about a week or two) and then straight back in crippling depression for months or even years at a time. It has happened like this, more or less since I was about 11, although the details are sketchy as I had a stroke when I was 17 due to anxiety and stress. My family, although lovely, do not believe in depression, they think it is something that I can just get over so I cannot really talk to them about it, they think I am weak for bringing it up. So I stopped talking about it with them, and my friends generally avoid the topic entirely so I cannot talk to them about it. I keep on trying to self-diagnose and this just makes it worse, causing me to panic, crippling pain in my stomach etc . I have considered suicide a lot, so much more in the past few years, but I keep thinking about all the damage my death would cause, and I just continue with my meaningless, destructive life, feeling miserable and trapped… I keep hurting people but I don’t do it intentionally, abstaining from most decisions if I can avoid it, suffering severe anxiety when I have to make them, and ultimately upsetting someone and it is unbearable (This is what led to my stroke). I cannot concentrate at my job, but at the same time I don’t want to hurt or upset someone else, or die because of it. I am scared about bringing these issues up to anyone as I just don’t know if they are serious enough. I just don’t know what to do anymore… Help?

[Nat1991]

Have you ever visited a consultant psychiatrist? I was the exact same and then I started taking anti psychotics! Best thing that ever happened to me! They have completely changed my life, the antipsychotics and anti depressants combined have saved my life really, have taken away the urge to self harm and admit suicide, x

[erravi in reply to Nat1991]

Thanks, but no I have never even thought about it. I wouldn't really even know where to begin with something like that. Do you have any suggestions for it? But it really sounds like it has turned your life around so I would at least like to give it a try. x

[Nat1991 in reply to erravi]

If you can get a referral from you doctor or GP then mention it to them. Feeling the way your feeling and keeping it to yourself things will get worse and worse Hun, never let yourself suffer, do anything you can to receive the help you deserve, no one deserves to suffer with things like this, I'm 22 and have suffered since I was 11 also, I wasn't properly diagnosed until last year with borderline personality disorder, before then it was suggested that I had bipolar! Remember you are never alone in this, and don't ever be afraid to speak out. Sometimes family are the worst people to talk to, some people will never understand mental health issues or illness but the people who do are the best people to be around x

[erravi in reply to Nat1991]

Thank you, you have really helped. It is nice to know that there are more people out there like me, as odd as that sounds. I will organize an appointment with my GP as soon as I can (Probably tomorrow if I get the chance to). Yeah people have commented saying I might be bipolar as well! Once again thank you for all your help and will let you know how it goes. x

[gardengnome]

i'm glad you are planning to visit the g.p. i know referrals for diagnosis can take a while, but in the mean time there are meds that a g.p. can prescribe for anxiety which will help with both the highs and lows if you do have bipolar. be sure to mention the high/irritable episodes as well as the depression, i'm sure you have already read that taking anti-depressants without mood stabilisers can make things a lot worse.

It was quite an impact realising that i had to take meds, but things had got so dire that i knew no amount of meditation or self-help techniques were going to do it on their own.

I know that it is frustrating when family do not understand mental health, lucky them for not feeling that way. If they are "strong" perhaps they might be there to lean on in some ways, even if they are confused by the whole situation.

[erravi in reply to gardengnome]

I have tried all of the 'self-help' techniques such as meditating or listening to classical calming music. But the helpfulness that these techniques provide is incredibly short-lived. Sometimes things just gets so over-whelming... I collapsed at work today and was sent to hospital which didn't exactly help the whole issue I am going through, especially as certain people turned up. But I will keep all of that in mind, as some level of control would be incredibly useful to me, I have an appointment with my GP now and so hopefully this is getting me on the road to some kind of recovery.

[baxie]

First things first - go to your GP they will be able to help from a medical point of view. They are also the start to getting help from Psychiatrists etc.

It doesn't matter that your family "do not believe in depression" it is a real condition and a serious one at that. If they do not believe, or want to believe, there are plenty of websites that they can go on to find out for themselves. Regardless, they should be there for you.

I have great difficulty with suicidal thoughts most days, and find them difficult to ignore, but with the help of my Psychiatrist, she taught me to look at the times when there are no suicidal thoughts and use that to let the suicidal thoughts pass. She also taught me that these thoughts can be cyclical and to remember that they will pass and come out the other side of them.

Are there any groups local to you where people with mental health problems meet. I found this to be a particularly good source of support, where, in general terms, everyone know what you are suffering.

To me, the fact you have suffered from this for a huge part of your life, and you are still here, shows you possess a strength and resilience of spirit and character that will help you.

[erravi in reply to baxie]

I have organized an appointment with my GP, it is just some time from now because of the fact it is not really an emergency. I am very glad that this is the first step to seeing a psychologist as apparently I should have seen one a while ago. I have also however been recommended to see a councilor, what do you think of this idea?

Ever since bringing this up, my family have been a bit more supportive, despite their disbelief that there is even an issue (They still keep trying to convince me that there is not an issue, but at least they are being supportive in their own odd way) .

I have been recommended to do that but oddly not by a psychiatrist, one of my friends, a good one. But I am not exactly sure if there are any groups in my area... It is a pretty built up area so I would presume so, but how would I find out? As I think that having a vent for it may help. I mean even this is helping.

Thank you so much for thinking that, you are very kind to think so. Kind people are something of a rarity these days.

[baxie]

Your Gp should know of any groups in your area, plus just search on Google for mental health groups in your area, or try some of the mental health sites, like MIND etc to see if they recommend some groups.

[erravi in reply to baxie]

Thanks for that I will ask them when I get to see one. Which will hopefully be tomorrow. But in the meantime I will search the internet for these things as well as check MIND.

[erravi]

UPDATE: I have been to see my GP and they have referred me to a consultant psychiatrist (He seems to think that I have Bipolar).

[Runner15]

Hello, I am 18 and I have just read your paragraph to see that we have very similar situations. I have depression and anxiety which leads to me having panic attacks, anxiety attacks and suicide thoughts/attempts. My parents like yours choose to believe that depression and anxiety is not real. My friends also think that I have early signs of Bi-Polar. I would just like to share what I do to cope to see if it will give you any ideas or help Firstly I would suggest counseling. Before I realized I had a mental health issue I thought counseling was scary and serious. However, since I have had counseling sessions I have noticed how good counseling really is. With the right counselor, it helps you to express your thoughts and emotions freely. For me, I find it hard to talk to my friends and family as I worry how they may see me so by talking to my counselor I feel relaxed to talk about whatever is on my mind as they do not know me personally. I would also suggest a escape hobby. An escape hobby is my own made up saying haha! It is basically a hobby you do to help take your mind of your worries, low thoughts and whatever else upsets you. For example my escape hobby is fitness. My passion is running and to take my mind of my negative thoughts I simply go running. When I run I feel free and in my own lovely little world. Another escape hobby I can think of is music. Weather this is listening to music or playing music. Art is another great escape, weather you are painting, making or observing. If you cannot think of one or do not already have one even a gentle walk can be an great example! I would also suggest a diary if you do not have one. In your diary you should write whatever is on your mind. It is similar to counseling in the sense that you are expressing your emotions however you are doing it to yourself! When you feel better in the future it will be nice to review your diary to see how far you have come

I wish you all the best and I want you to know you are not alone in this.

X