Hello, everyone I'm a lawyer, I'm 25 years old and I'm still Virgin.
At the height of my teenager when I was 17 years old, in 2016, I started to have a serious health problem that resulted in a 4-year treatment and then just 1 month after I ended my treatment, unfortunately a pandemic began. Unfortunately, I ended up postponing the start of my sex life and to this day I don't know what it feels like to have sex.
Lately I've been changing a lot of things in my life and I realized that masturbation always took a place as a replacement for sex.
I'm thinking about stopping masturbating completely and focus at the moment on taking care of my self-esteem and consequently having the confidence to have sex for the first time.
Hi DGte. I'd say this. 1. You don't have to give up masturbation. Most men (and women) do it. Often.If you're doing it 'too much', and you'll know what too much means - lots of times a day, making you tired, making you neglect other tasks, other people, like an addiction, then that's different.
But 'taking care of your self esteem ' sounds a great idea. If easing off masturbation does this for you then cool, but don't worry if you go back to it.
2. By sex you mean with a partner, then the best way to do that is to find someone you want to be with and see where it leads you, even if it doesn't lead to sex. Sex will happen. You're only 25!! There are apps to help you do this of course, but socialising more will also help hugely, and help with your self esteem. A woman told me recently that in her view men try too hard, which is a put off.
The other guys on here will no doubt also chip in.
Good luck meeting the right partner, but masturbation seems normal to me, and I don't see how giving it up would improve your self-esteem or confidence to have sex for the first time.
The NHS (the National Health Service in the UK) says this:
"Masturbation is completely normal and extremely common. People of all ages masturbate and it’s often the first sexual experience they have.".
I am 62 and still a virgin. Just like you l realised relatively late that masturbation always took a place as a replacement for sex. I masturbate knowing that all men and some women do it. Some years ago l became very anxious and stressed that l was doing something terribly wrong. I was able to speak to somebody in confidence. We worked out a strategy and l have never looked back since. I would not give up masturbating. When you find the right person sex will take its natural course. At this stage of my life and single atm l am wierdly comfortable and feel completely safe masturbating and really enjoy it.
I’d say you’ve mapped for yourself a great plan. I had a very prudish upbringing and my sexual revolution got a late start and have forever regretted the ignorance I displayed amongst my active peers. When my sons were born I never shielded them sexually in any way nor dismissed any questions they brought forth sexually or otherwise. I don’t regret that choice nor have they and it has brought forth some comfort knowing I didn’t deprive them of knowledge to make their best choices. I salute and encouragement you to go forth but always be respectful to whomever becomes your choice and expect no less from them.
I'll depart from the other commenters here. If you feel this is a good option for you, then go with what you feel is best. I did non-FAP from age 24-26 in preparation for becoming sexually active. I felt it made me less selfish sexually and gave me a lot more self esteem that I could control myself sexually. It helped me focus on my relationships without sex as the first thing in mind. I got married at 26 and became sexually active then.
I've worked as a mentor with people who want to give up masturbating for personal reasons and all of them have commented that their self esteem increased as did their sexual confidence since they feel they have full control of their sexual desires. Many have commented that their interest in pursuing healthier, longer-term relationship has improved dramatically after giving up masturbation. From a health standpoint, there's rarely a concern. Most guys (including me) started having wet dreams/nightfalls more regularly which took care of congestion.
That's just from my experience and what I've heard from friends that did the same. I'm sure some will disagree with this comment, but if it's what you feel is best for you then I wouldn't let others convince you to go against your gut. All I can say is that it worked for me and I've seen it work for others. Good luck.
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