Boxing Day 2015 I contracted VM and was finally discharged 15th February 2016. I'm a single mum to 2 girls aged 9 & 10. At the time my mum and my local church helped me out a lot, and I'm forever grateful to them. 

I work in a school as a TA and I have been unable to return to work and it's now 1st April! I have been on a dose of propanalol and amitriptyline but I've gained so much weight and I can't cope with being fatter. Prior to this I struggled with bulimia, so putting on weight is a BIG fear. I googled the side affects and it turns out that weight gain is one of them. I decided to stop them and now I'm having withdrawals. Cold feeling, aching, can't sleep, tearful, aggressive (but since having VM I have found that I have been so impatient and short tempered)

My memory is so bad I can't even remember what I did yesterday or sometimes conversations I just don't recollect. 

I have a big fear of going out in public now and just hide myself away at home. My kids have been invited to various things and I find myself telling them we can't go because 'mummies not well '. I feel so bad and guilty but I can't bring myself to do social events. 

I belong to a local church and I haven't been back since 2015, I usually sing in the band, but now I'm too scared to be seen. I am avoiding all their calls and texts. My church leader turned up at my door uninvited and I shut the door in her face. I eventually opened it but told her blatantly that 'when is she going' because I wasn't comfortable being in anyone's company. Even my own children are driving me crazy and I'm constantly shouting and then happy for a while. I can snap so quickly it's scary. 

Any advice would be greatly received as I feel lost and like no one understands how I'm feeling. Thank you 

6 Replies

  • Sorry to hear that you had VM. The symptoms you describe now do sound to be symptoms of depression - anxiety, tearfulness, social withdrawal, memory and motivation issues. It is not uncommon when the reality of what you have been through kicks in. Plus you have two children you are single parenting. I would suggest you go back to your GP and have a chat about changing to another antidepressant that doesn't cause the problem of weight gain which you are finding difficult to tolerate. Maybe you are comfort eating too which is exacerbating the weight gain as well?  Also ask for a referral for counselling because it seems you need to get to the root of your depression even if it is only that you need to talk through your VM experience. However as you say you previously had bulimia I would suspect there is more to how your feeling now than just the consequence of the VM. You need help to get you back out in ,your supportive church and a sense of purpose with your work but to achieve that you need to accept some help additional to antidepressants.

    Best wishes

  • Thank you for your reply it's been very helpful knowing that people actually understand how I feel. I've just called my church leader because I can't cope so I'm asking for help 

  • Although you feel like shutting everyone out of your life at the moment you actually very much do need their company, help, support and understanding. Am very pleased to hear you are contacting your church leader. 

  • Hi lovely

    I had bm and was in hospital for three weeks with it and been at home recovering for another 5months i still have a list of issues and side effects and for a long time completely frustrated and depressed. I have recently started to go back work for a couple of hours which i cant do grately but is helping me my doctors seeing me every two weeks now and helping with all my problems and has given me information for councilling, before i went back to work i didnt leave the house, get dressed, get out of bed etc nothing, my anxiety was bad and i stopped texting, calling and taking any communication what so ever.  I wanted to hide, especially until im better and maybe forever! ... And as much as im struggling to do the few hours im doing at work and has issues in itself as i cant do my job and im doing the lightest thing i can it helped me with all these mixed emotions/feelings etc i still have them and still sometimes dont want to talk to people and try to rush as much as i can to avoid things but i just have a distraction sometimes.  Wether its just a customer making me laugh, a concerned colleague or a hug etc sometimes its a dustraction and is helping me just slightly a bit more than being stuck at home hiding from the world. 

    I have come a long way and still have a long way but sharing on here and just letting out helps so thanks and good luck and keep talking to everyone on here and anyone that shows they are listening.❤️

  • Hi stace30

    Thank you for your own outlook and you had BM which is ten times more serious than VM. I think this sight is great for getting support:

    I saw my church leader last night and she prayed with me and I feel so much more positive today. I believe that Jesus is my ultimate healer and it was that connection that I'd lost. I know some people may laugh about my faith, but that's what's actually helped me throughout pressures in life prior to VM.

    I will be praying for you stace30 that you will be able to see such a difference when you return to work. I pray that God gives you the strength and ability to push through life's difficulties, and to know that in times of need, it's God who helps me and he will do the same for you. 

    God bless 

  • Hi Sopamy, I understand what you are feeling.  I am a year out from the hospital with VM, I was on the antidepressant you were on but a low dose. I stopped it due to the weight gain as I am a former anorexic. Have your Dr put you on another med. I take zoloft at night it has helped me. Tell your Dr about your bulimia he will be able to work with you so you don't relapse. I have started barre exercising twice a week, rest when you need to and take help from family and friends. You have been through a life changing illness don't be a victim to it. You can get through this, I am still recovering but I know my limit & when I'm done I rest. This is a great blog to get support.  Good luck

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