6 months on, why do I feel this way?

[Douglas77]

Hi - I had VM around the turn of the year, was hospitalised for a day and spent the next week in bed before making a gradual recovery. I returned to work after two weeks and got straight back into my job, which often involves long hours/weeks. Its a senior managerial position, so comes with a fair amount of stress.

Since returning to work, I've had regular tension type headaches, normally towards the end of the day or when I get home. More recently, as pressure at work has grown more, I've found myself becoming particularly anxious. In fact last week I left work one afternoon and went to see my GP as I felt terrible, a bad headache and nausea. He said he was going to take the decision out of my hands and sign me off for two weeks with workplace stress; I agree with this decision but it's one that also horrifies me of the implications.

I'm now feeling incredibly guilty, for not being able to progress my work and leaving my colleagues to pick it up. I'm also really flat. I have little enthusiasm for anything! Anxious thoughts now turn to what people will think of me for not being at work, what the ramifications might be for my job/position at the firm and how on earth I can get back into the role.

Anyway, with that background, I am curious whether this is likely some side effect of the VM? If so, how have others managed with increased anxiety and dare I say it depression.

Thanks in advance for your help.

[Amrita-A]

Hello,

I'm sorry for your plight. I'm in the throes of VM now, day 7. Like you, I was hospitalized for a day. My daughter already told me she read most people get over it in 7-10 days (so get over it, is implied). She has not visited or checked to see how I am. I feel wretched. It feels like it will be a long haul.

Do any of you know which virus it was? I believe I know. I tried to get into my GP today and I can only get a 15 minute appointment on Wednesday!

I know people can say don't feel guilty (or whatever), but maybe you can turn your thoughts to seeing the two weeks off as a gift to take care of yourself so you can get back to work full force. Take full advantage and rest.

Best of luck,

(very sick) Amrita

[Amw41]

Hi. I don't think this is from the VM but stress is the worst way to help recovery faster. I was exactly like you. Kept working. Finally after 8 months but I stopped working for several weeks. I walk most days. Eliminated stress and I haven't felt this good since my 20's. I've had Van twice and my advice is you will not get better unless you slow down and let the body and brain heal. It is a brain injury to a degree so you need to let your brain rest. I hope this helps.

Ps. Yes I think mild depression as afte r5 months I was diagnosed with the same due to the constant pain and fatigue.

[Seacalm]

Really important to remember you are a human and not a robot. We can't control when illness of any kind will take hold of us. Having been trying to recover from VM since February I empathise with how you feel. I still feel like I've been hit on the back if the head after nearly 4 months, nausea and facial numbness. If you have not tried mindfulness meditation I would really recommend you look at the breathworks website and mindfulness for health. It may help reduce pain and help you be kinder and more accepting of yourself. It may help reduce unjustified guilt . You cant help being ill and may ease your anxiety and depression. Gentle walks, a healthy clean diet and most of all an awareness of when you need to rest are so important. What a great doctor to sign you off work, it is vital to help you recover. Accepeting each day as it comes rather than always thinking about work may help you recover quicker. I am sure as a senior manager you are highly regarded and hopefully your employer will listen to your doctors advice. If you have access to an employee assistance program it is worth talking through how you feel over the phone to help reduce anxiety. Wishing you well today and hope that even if you are in pain you take a moment to notice the little things that make you smile and the people around you who show you love and compassion.

[Starry]

I developed both of these. I think the anxiety was a post trauma reaction as i had successive complications one after another along with the sudden weight loss along with beimg restructured while i was off. I crashed off my first phased rtw attempt due to panic attacks. I tried sertraline but had an adverse effect but found pregabalin which i was prescribed for nerve pain beneficial. Having an honest conversation with my boss and agreeing to go back in a different role helped a lot too. I got an assessment by occupational health done which was helpful in planning rtw 2 and Id highly reccommend.

The anxiety phase did dissipate, as my new role isnt as stressy with horrid colleagues as it was before. If anything I m less stressed than before i was ill, probably because im only there part of the day, perhaps dur to forgetfulness and fstigue. I just dont have the energy.

Sadly im still struggling physically on reduced hours in my phased rtw 2 due to fatigue so am going through a coming to terms process about my new limitations as i am unlikely to get back to full time. (bye bye career progression) I bit the bullet and raised it with my boss this week.

I did have a period of counselliing privately and 5 sessions of cbt via my work health insurance both of which helped me cope along with ventimg in a forum like this where people understand. Ive definitely had mild to moderate depressive phases (google then try doing hads test online) and do dip in and out of low mood, in part relative to how fatigued i am. Anti depressants never worked for me but i have a tendency for SAD in my moods anyway so do now take vitamin d which I came out as low on in blood tests. Im also lookimg into a tai chi class to help and tried meditation (I can`t concentrate enough right now but if you can do it its helpful).

Hope some of this is of use. Its a big adjustment realising you cant step right back into your life where you left off but things do improve if you take steps to be gentle with yourself. Think about what youd say by way of advice to me, or anyone else posting here, when I described struggles quite like yours... would you expect me to cope full time in my stressful old job again suffering fatigue and meningitis after effects? Why would you not be as kind to yourself?

[Lippistix]

Hello, You can find my 28 year old daughter, Rosie S' Story, via the link on the forum stories from the home page.

We found that cranial massage worked wonders for her. Her job is working with horses on pretty much a daily basis and is very physically demanding.

It is rare for a story to be so positive and we have tried to let people know that this amazing complementary therapy worked for her. It helps release the spinal fluid which VM leaves a blockage for. Rosie is pretty much cured after around 10 sessions coupled with actupuncture, although found awesome relief after only one appointment. She is now free of all pain killers and antidepressants and feels right back to her old self.

We can only let you know what worked for her. It's not for all, but has now given amazing relief for many. It seems the success could be to do with the skill of the cranial osteopath you use. So it is important to find out the osteopaths credentials and experience in this specialised field particularly dealing with VM sufferers, if you can. (Not all osteopaths realise that this helps VM sufferers, it is often carried out on young babies with birthing problems). You need an osteopath and not a therapist who mearly has some training in cranial massage.

If you find you are getting the violent headaches and feeling lethargic and depressed after a few weeks, give this complementary therapy a go, it really could be worth it and save you being on prescribed drugs, along with months, years, of unnecessary suffering.

Kind wishes and best of luck