Help with my sons finances

[Sonny28]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this group and need some advise on how to support my 38 year old son. He has autism and moderate learning disabilities and has been working since he was 21, he drives and usually goes on holidays with friends and is fairly independent. Around a year ago he started going out with his first girlfriend, she also has learning disabilities and mental health problems. Around 3 months ago he had what I can only describe as a breakdown. He was crying uncontrollably and said he couldn't deal with the pressure of work as there had been changes and he couldn't cope with them. I had known for some time that he wasn't particularly happy in work but depending on his moods he sometimes loved it. He has been on sick leave since then due to work related stress. It is now apparent to all who know him that work is not the real problem, his employers have said that they will make any reasonable adjustments necessary to get him back to work, but he insists he won't go back. He has been spending huge amounts of money on his girlfriend and her son and signing up for direct debits to be paid from his bank account using my address. I have spoken to her family and they are not taking anything to do with it. He has spent almost all of his savings and transfers cash to her bank on a regular basis. My husband and I are at our wits end and don't know who to turn to for help. Ideally I would like to take over control of his finances but don't know how to go about it.

[Sarah_Mencap]

Hello Sonny28

Thank you for getting in touch. What a difficult and frustration situation this is. I would hope your son is being supported by he GP if he is on sick leave, but it might be worth checking he is getting enough support there.

This sounds like more than a difficulty managing money - it is more about someone taking advantage financially. As this sort of thing can be complex give our helpline a call so that someone can talk to you more about this. Call 0808 808 1111. They will be able to talk through different options with you.

There is also more about safeguarding here - arcuk.org.uk/wp-content/upl...

If you think that a lighter touch might work there are quite a lot of advice/ideas about how to improve people's money management skills. Here are a few:

> arcuk.org.uk/wp-content/upl...

> dosh.org/

Best wishes

Sarah

[LDHelpline_Mencap]

Hi @Sonny28,

Welcome to the group and thanks for sharing. I’m one of the information and advice officers at Mencap and unfortunately we do hear from families about these situations. It can be really hard watching a loved one lose what they have worked so hard to achieve, and of course you want to do what you can to protect your son.

Having said that, he is an adult and as such he has the right to make his own decisions, even if they are considered unwise by others. However, it’s important that these are informed decisions and that your son is supported to consider his options fully. Families often worry that a loved one is being coerced, and it’s very difficult to prove whether your son is acting under his own free will or being pressured by his girlfriend.

Decision making for vulnerable people is set out in a law called the Mental Capacity Act and there is more information here: mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su...

In terms of your son’s finances, you could think about applying to be his lasting power of attorney (LPA) for finance. Your son would need to agree to this and he would appoint you (or someone else) to act on his behalf as his LPA for property and finance. A finance LPA can make decisions whether the person lacks capacity or if they don't as long as this is itemised in the LPA application, and the application must be registered. You don't need a solicitor to apply but some families prefer to have this support.

There is information on LPA on this link: gov.uk/power-of-attorney/ov...

I hope that helps,

Margaret