Same as always

[PeaceNeed]

I apologize in advance if this triggers anyone.

Nothing seems to change for me. My reality is bad. Im negative depressed and alone.I feel im less able to care for myself as i age. Mornings bad , anxiety and depression combine with ptsd destroyed my life and relationships.

This is me every morning for the last seven years.

7

[gajh]

I care.

[Tristronger]

I cannot imagine going through that for seven years. I went through an incredibly traumatic event that led to severe depression about 30 years ago. What eventually helped me was radically changing my life to force new experiences. Now, almost 30 years later I’m going through an incredibly traumatic event again and I’m trying to figure out some new challenges for some radically positive change.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Tristronger]

Im 65 and very tired. Been a punching bag for family , psych professionals and some others with SMI who should know better.

[Cookie2217]

I'm so very sorry that you have been going through this experience for 7 long and debilitating years. No wonder your negative because you see no light a the end of that deep, dark tunnel that your in at this time. I can sort of identify with you as I was in a depressive episode for 4 years straight. I was also negative, didn't see the point of getting up at all and I was staying in bed or laying on a chair with my eyes closed day and night because of my major depressive disorder PTSD and adjustment disorder. I even went so far as to neglect my personal needs I was so down and out. I thought it would never end. I made a medication change from Pristiq 100 mg to Prozac 20 mg and I'm feeling better than I have in such a long time. Are you on any medication? Do you maybe have treatment resistant depression? Depression, PTSD and adjustment disorder destroyed my life for so long as well and I sometimes feel guilt for the time I've wasted just being idle but I know that rashionally it's not my fault as mental illness is a disease just like any other that can keep you out of the game of life for years. I hope you find something, anything that eases your pain and anguish soon. I wish you peace and well-being.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Cookie2217]

Thank you. Its not just the illness. Its the additional abuse you get from others.

[Gordosmini]

I really empathize with you and your situation. Ive struggled with anxious depression for most of my life but the last year has been debilitating with treatment resistant depression. I find mornings the hardest as well. I finally found a therapist and feel a glimmer of hope. Are you able to get a therapist? Wishing you peace.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Gordosmini]

Thanks for kind words. I have a therapist....she just informed me shes leaving....

[Zac_Nightingale]

You know I fell every word of what you posted. My major down fall happened just days before last Christmas when my ex left me, I was alone in a new state and city so far away from where I came from. I kept slipping further and further in to depression, crying to myself the majority of the day, drinking to kill the pain, wanting to end it but I had a child to think about. I thought what I had was something a kin to normal depression, it wasn't until I had to complete some training at my work that I learned that my MDD is a disability.

I don't really know why but that really kicked started something in my brain. I was able to tell myself its okay you don't have to keep beating yourself up anymore, you are truly different and this condition calls for immediate hostile warfare against it. (LOL it helps me to depict my depression as a battle) After that I have been full speed with fighting my MDD. I got to a therapist, got back on my medications, and went back to church. I'm still fighting my symptoms of anhedonia but its getting better, I force myself to do the things I used to love and have found myself slowly thinking about my hobbies through out my day and getting excited to get back to where I left off. Peaceneed I want you to know your not alone in your experience I needed to have a lot bulb moment to forgive myself and move forward. Just be easy on yourself.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Zac_Nightingale]

I'll try not easy at 65.