In my heart, I know I really do want to live a better life. I’m miserable and sad and wasting my precious time here. But at the same time, I don’t want to put in the work to get better. I’m pissed that it doesn’t come naturally like it does for others.
I also don’t know what makes me feel joy. Nothing healthy brings me dopamine.
I love my family, but they don’t make me happy. I don’t want to pick my daughter up from school because I’m unhappy and it makes her unhappy and it’s all my fault because I’m not fixing it.
Sometimes I wish I could run away and leave all my responsibilities, relationships and mistakes behind.
Why doesn’t anything make me happy? Nothing pleases me. I don’t enjoy anything.