Missing myself keeps me down in this ... - Major Depressive ...

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Missing myself keeps me down in this pit.

Senior4merEverything profile image

It only took a few seconds.

That's how much time elapsed from a sound, becoming an incident, that became the vicious impact that changed the person I was at that time, into the person I would become/am today. How this person is described is dependent upon the factor of who it is that is making a statement about me.

As the storyteller, I can be any character I choose, but am I being truthful?

Am I the infallible hero, the one who rarely makes mistakes? Or, am I the flawed person who messes up from time to time, and who can and does get things wrong?

Am I as the storyteller willing to let my blemishes show?

I lost my credibility a long time ago in telling my story. I did this by trying to hide from my damaged truths. I tried to appear "normal", not inured, not impacted, not in pain. I failed, I went to the edge of that chasm from which I could not have come back: suicide!

I miss some parts of me that I have not seen in a long time. The self-assured me, the imaginative and inventive me. The me who doesn't peek from a distance before simply looking out of a window in his own house.

Yes, I miss that guy.

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Senior4merEverything profile image
Senior4merEverything
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2 Replies

I'm sorry you're going thru a difficult time. Are you in therapy or taking any meds? If you're in therapy, definitely let your therapist or psychiatrist know the severity of your condition. But I hear you. Maybe you're also having an existential crisis?? If you are, try doing some of these:

- Re-read fave books (fiction) w/ really good stories that can take your mind off of your current crisis.

- Read poetry that 'speaks' to you (written by poets who were afflicted w/ the same condition like Dickinson, Frost, etc).

- Write a letter to your old self, the 'guy' you miss. Let him know what you're going thru, where you've been, ppl you've met; discuss the dreams you had in the past & how you've achieved them or why you failed. Then seal the letter & read it at a later time (to give yourself another perspective, so to speak).

Hang in there. You're not going to be in that pit forever. Take care.

Senior4merEverything profile image
Senior4merEverything in reply to

Thank you.

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