Missing myself keeps me down in this pit.

[Senior4merEverything]

It only took a few seconds.

That's how much time elapsed from a sound, becoming an incident, that became the vicious impact that changed the person I was at that time, into the person I would become/am today. How this person is described is dependent upon the factor of who it is that is making a statement about me.

As the storyteller, I can be any character I choose, but am I being truthful?

Am I the infallible hero, the one who rarely makes mistakes? Or, am I the flawed person who messes up from time to time, and who can and does get things wrong?

Am I as the storyteller willing to let my blemishes show?

I lost my credibility a long time ago in telling my story. I did this by trying to hide from my damaged truths. I tried to appear "normal", not inured, not impacted, not in pain. I failed, I went to the edge of that chasm from which I could not have come back: suicide!

I miss some parts of me that I have not seen in a long time. The self-assured me, the imaginative and inventive me. The me who doesn't peek from a distance before simply looking out of a window in his own house.

Yes, I miss that guy.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you're going thru a difficult time. Are you in therapy or taking any meds? If you're in therapy, definitely let your therapist or psychiatrist know the severity of your condition. But I hear you. Maybe you're also having an existential crisis?? If you are, try doing some of these:

- Re-read fave books (fiction) w/ really good stories that can take your mind off of your current crisis.

- Read poetry that 'speaks' to you (written by poets who were afflicted w/ the same condition like Dickinson, Frost, etc).

- Write a letter to your old self, the 'guy' you miss. Let him know what you're going thru, where you've been, ppl you've met; discuss the dreams you had in the past & how you've achieved them or why you failed. Then seal the letter & read it at a later time (to give yourself another perspective, so to speak).

Hang in there. You're not going to be in that pit forever. Take care.

[Senior4merEverything in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.