just looking for connection - very lonesome and depressed.

[kittyloverr]

hey guys, so I've been struggling significantly lately. My best friend (and only friend where I live) just moved out of state, and I've been alone a lot of the time. I cry every day and feel an overwhelming, deep sadness the majority of the time and can't seem to shake it. Getting myself to do normal, everyday-human things feels nearly impossible. I've become very reclusive in my apartment and isolate, and it only makes me feel worse, but I'm struggling to muster the strength to get myself to do anything else, and I don't really have friends who I can hang out with. I just want some connection and maybe some advice as to what little steps I could take to help myself. Baby steps are better than no steps and I'd appreciate any help I can get from anyone who has experienced the pain of depression and the lethargy that comes with it. Thank you if you're reading this. <3

[ZonaGirl]

Hi Kittylover! I can totally relate to everything you say. I too isolate and stay to myself. One thing that has helped me is volunteering. I volunteer about three days a week for 3-4 hours at a time. I find I feel better during the time I’m active with it. It also gets me out with other people. I don’t really have any supportive friends either. Most of the friends I had have moved away too! It is truly a day to day struggle. I’m also trying to improve my spiritual life. I’m reading a book about God’s love and I’m trying to reconnect with him. Mostly I’ve felt like he has abandoned me in this depression! Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling. I’m here for you and I totally understand,

[Existing in reply to ZonaGirl]

You're not rambling, that gave me encouragement.

[C9elegans]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I understand how difficult it is to get thru the day when you're suffering from depression. (Last yr, I spent more time sleeping and watching TV than working and taking care of myself incl eating. Showering was a struggle. Dishes piled up for months even though I hv a dishwasher and wasn't eating much. In the end, I became too sick to continue working a good-paying, WFH job... I'm in a better place now by taking meds, seeing my psychiatrist on a regular basis, and having support from my family.)

So, it's OK to focus on healing first. Take as much time as needed. Are you in therapy, taking any meds, or under the care of a doctor? If you're not, seek help as soon as you can. One of the things that I hv to relearn over & over again is to get help when things get too overwhelming. Doing so is not a sign of weakness. It's actually a form of courage and self-love. We're not super human beings that can get thru every challenge. I always hv to remind myself that sometimes forcing myself to do things when I'm not ready (or well enough) only makes things harder in the end.

You've done a huge step by joining HU and connecting with ppl who can relate and support you. Next is to go to your school's health clinic (or whatever health care is offered at your campus). Once the healing process begins, you'll eventually be well enough to strike up a conversation w/ another student, join a grp, or, as Zona sd, volunteer at a worthy org (I met a lot of good ppl thru volunteering when I was in college). Take care.

[Hidden in reply to C9elegans]

Well said, thank you for sharing.🙏🏼

[Igneousbonsai]

Sounds like you are going through a lot and I was wondering if you tried the 321 method when it comes to needed to do something. For example, You said that its hard to get up and do every day things so I would just start with the first thing getting up and getting to the first every day thing that is doable. If it is hard to get up, what I find works is saying 3 2 1 and then on one getting up and going to do that something. I hope this helps in some way and I am sorry about the rough time that you are going through right now. I know most people dont like hearing this and "you got this!" You taking a step and expressing this emotions is a great first step to healing

[Existing in reply to Igneousbonsai]

Thank you, and I'm one who thrives on peoples suggestions like this. I will try to incorporate the 321 method, can you explain more in detail?

[Shield_Of_Faith]

I deal with extreme social phobia for many years. I have my brother who is my best friend but besides him when he is busy. I rarely leave the house because of my agoraphobia also. So I don't ever go anywhere and if I do I can't meet anyone or have friends because I can't fully be me. I always hope to make a connection with people too. But my anxiety is just that intense which leads me into depression. I understand how you feel. I hope things improve for you and you get to know people and have fun. I'm hoping that for myself but I got a lot of issues I'm still dealing with. Anyway I hope for the best.

[Existing in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

I hope you keep using this online group for a start in connecting. Its the most many of us can do at this time. For me, its huge and I wish as many as possible will join here together. Support from real people is so important for depression.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Existing]

I will and I appreciate the support and your right, support from people like you and other good understanding people goes a long way in helping others from the struggles they face everyday to help make each day more bearable and gives them more strength to keep pushing forward for a better tomorrow, even if a individual can't see it now or yet, I believe better days will come. 🙏

[Existing in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

Sharing with people who have similar issues also reduces the negative self talk and shame we feel that can subtly become self blame, and that is like depression and anxiety on steroids. Turning against yourself is the worst thing people can do if they want to get better.I learned very early on to be kind to myself, because its self compassion that gets us through the difficult times; reminding ourselves we deserve better.🙏

[Tollebeliever]

One thing that really sucks about depression is the physical ailments that manifest themselves. My depression brings on horrendous migraine headaches, stomachaches and general malaise. It zaps my motivation. I hate feeling like this day after day. I was let go from my job and I need to find a new one but I have no energy. I went to the doctor but they couldn't help. I don't know what to do.

[Existing in reply to Tollebeliever]

Curious why they could not do anything. Like what? And I'm fortunate in that my depression does not affect me much physically. But, man, does it do a number on my ability to live, and not just wish for death.

[Existing]

Thank you for that suggestion.❤

[Existing]

Hey Kitty lover, there are many here struggling with that 'take your breath away' deep angst of our loneliness. I have been alone and isolated for way too long, in that I don't work (retired) and have no friends or been able to meet any where I live (I also hate it for 8 years here) and have lost all previous support of family connections and friends over several years.I've had depression all my life and I know that social support and connection in relationship with people and the world around us is the most important factor to improve depression -- and at least prevent it from spiraling down. Since you have recently engaged socially with your friend, use that momentum to keep social activities a priority.

I suggest doing something social every day if you can, even if its just going somewhere for coffee. Give yourself points for anything that allows you to be around people. If you do that, you will increase the likelihood that you will speak to someone. Give yourself an extra point for every time you speak first and initiate a conversation. Its a form of connection, and that's what is required to prevent isolation from consuming you in your pain of loneliness. Trust me, its even harder for those of us who can't even get out of the house.❤

[WickNeo]

I feel like I don't know what to say. I don't have the right to comment. I'm in a super stressed-out brain foggy place, but I think it is okay to say hello, I hear you and wish you well.

[Existing]

Hi guys, just checking in with everyone. Thanks for keeping me going.😊