Some time ago I booked a local 5 mile trail race round a beautiful, but private, estate less than 15 minutes’ walk from home. It’s quite small, run by a local running club and advertised as a friendly race in a beautiful setting. Seemed like a perfect treat after my first two half marathons: it would be a different challenge for me being an undulating route on mixed terrain, so I had no time target in mind just to enjoy it.
A couple of weeks ago I started looking at the route, elevation, terrain etc. I looked at photos from last year and to my horror saw at least three mums I knew but am no longer in contact with. I thought I’d moved on from running in quiet places, out of public gaze; I thought completing 5k, 10k, 10 mile and HM events meant I could believe in myself and my running. But there I was, faced with three people who I think of as athletic, fit; if they choose to run, I consider them runners. Suddenly I felt a fraud all over again! I knew it was silly but I got more and more nervous. And so it came about that my target time was a rather strange sub 51 minutes (that being the slowest time of the three last year). It’s not that I’m competitive, it’s simply that I didn’t want to look as if I was a pretender to running. Bonkers! I didn’t post any of this last week because this was anxiety that didn’t deserve to be acknowledged.
During the Easter weekend I received an email from the race director ‘The grass is quite thick and long and the nettles are coming through in the first field between 1/2 mile and 1 mile. Please take care as it is also quite rutted and uneven with some hidden holes in places. Please be aware of tree roots in the wooded area.’ Crikey - injuries here we come?
Anyway, the day was beautiful (if a bit warm), a casual walk from home to collect my bib, a long queue for the loo (during which I spotted the fastest of the three aforementioned mums) and a short walk to the start line. I wriggled through the pack so I wouldn’t start at the very back and we were off before I knew it. Funny thing, the minute I start running, all nerves just disappear and a calm sets in.
It was very congested in this first rutted field – 2 lines of runners in the tractor wheel tracks, one behind another – a few times we slowed to a walk and there was nothing you could do about it. It was during this part of the course that my flipbelt bottle wriggled out of my belt. I pulled out of the line and ran back to get it but there was no chance! It was on the grass in the middle of the two lines of runners - who weren’t walking at this point – I’d have caused chaos if I’d dived in amongst all the feet to get it! So, I shrugged, turned and joined back in line. Seconds later a lovely gent tapped me on the back and asked if it was my bottle (number 433 in the photo, I'm hiding just behind him). Yay! No idea how he managed to pick it up, but I was very grateful. The rest of the run was uneventful; I ran the hills both up and down, I appreciated the views, I smiled for the cameras, I did my best in the last half mile despite it ending on the uphill and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Lovely medal, welcome bottle of water and a short walk home. When I finally got my chip time it was 50:26 – just 36 seconds slower than the mum I saw before the start (the fastest one of the three last year; turns out the other two didn’t run this year). I didn’t disgrace myself, I can hold my head up high. And next year I will do this run again, hopefully without the stupid, stupid feeling of being a fraud! I just have to laugh at myself.
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linda9389
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A small part of my head knows I did good. A huge part of my head then shouts 'for me', but as a qualifier, rather than as the celebration it ought to be. I will just have to keep creating evidence to shush that part of my head 🙂
Why, oh why do we do that? What are we like? It’s crazy isn’t it.....Well you’re quicker than me......I’ve got a run very similar to that coming up this weekend, a 10k around a private estate, mixed terrain etc., lumpy bits, and I’ve got two friends who did it last year, they’re both quicker than me.....(which is a reason I don’t go out running with them - although they do invite me...)
They’re not doing it this year though, so I shall do better than they do! 😂🏃♀️
Mx
(And no you certainly didn’t disgrace yourself, how could you? You did it, that’s what matters 👍💪🤗)
I especially loved that mine was 2k short of the full 10 😂. Hope you enjoy yours as much as I did. I'm glad - but also sad - that I'm not the only one who feels like this; without doubt I think of you as a seasoned runner, there is so much evidence to prove that 🏃♀️🏅
Abi and wimp? Two words thst don't sound quite right in the same sentence! With no other imminent races booked, at least I didn't have to worry about injury - that was bliss 😂 I ran this one naked - no headphones, no quad support and no knee support! All good. Hooray 😍
Well done Linda, It looks like there are lots of people behind you in that pic! You are a great runner and that looks very tough going. Well done also to number 433; the flip bottle hero. I’m glad that you enjoyed the race - how we are sometimes our own worst enemy.
Now you should go back to the c25k forum and read some anxious posts about W5 R3 to remind yourself just how far you’ve come in just 2 years.
Thanks Dexy. That was pretty early on and I had wriggled through to start in the middle, hence the people behind 😂 Ahh yes, w5r3. Maybe I should go back and run that again, I remember it well 🙂
Thanks Helen. I honestly doubt I will ever be able to call myself a runner. I'll be happy to simply stop feeling as if I need to apologise for trying to become one 😂😂😂😂😂. The good thing is I'm still trying and still enjoying, and have no intention of willingly giving up any time soon 🙂
I know what you mean, I still say "I go running" rather than "I'm a runner"! What silly sausages we are! In my book you are defo a runner, you HM muncher! 😁 xx
Brilliant Linda! 👏 You’re certainly no fraud - how can someone who’s running HMs be anything other than an epic runner? Give yourself a stern talking and continue being amazing ok? 😀🏃♀️👍👊 That run sounded challenging, but you smashed it! 👍🏃♀️
Thank you Cheeky. I've had enough 'stern talking to's from my daughter - although she refused to even acknowledge this latest concern as it was just TOO ridiculous 😂😂😂
I have started doing something different at parkrun - otherwise there is this almost constant striving to beat my PB or run faster than someone else. I just want to have a good hard run , have fun and not be worried about time and/or comparisons . So - I have been starting right at the back - behind all the walkers. I play "Catch the Bunny" - this means I select somebody up ahead and chase them until I have passed them - sometimes this is easy and sometimes it is not so easy. Sometimes there will be a Bunny which I simply cannot overtake for the entire duration. Nobody really has any idea what I am doing and my goal is to pass as many Bunnies as I can. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter how many that is because on some days there aren't many Bunnies and on other days the Bunnies are faster than usual. Try it - am sure you will like it
Ooh that sounds fun! I have been semi-dreading my next Parkrun as my last PB had me feeling rather sick and I'm not sure I fancy that again 😏. This is a whole new game - thanks for sharing 😍
Well done Linda on a fine run. Glad to see you put your fears to bed. I read a great article about being a 'runner' the other day runnersworld.com/runners-st...
OH wow, what a GREAT article. Thanks for the link; I smiled and laughed throughout, nodding my head over and over again 😂 There's a few points I've still to work on, but not many! And I beg to substitute Prosecco for beer if that's OK 😍
I've favourited it and will read it again whenever those gremlins try to reappear.
Well done! I admire your courage and determination in overcoming those pre-race gremlins. I can totally relate to your pre-race anxiety because I'd be exactly the same.
I know, I know! Thankfully I still enjoyed the race, but you're absolutely right - if I hadn't been happy with my time it would have taken away all the joy.
Linda - you are definately not the only one who doubts themself...but hopefully you can use the success you had in this race to help you, should the same thing happen again. BELIEVE! Sounds like a great run and well done for tackling the terrain and those hills, too! You are a ⭐️!🙂
Sounds like a great race,love cross country! 😊 you certainly are a runner and that's a great time and hopefully boosted your confidence! 😊well done! Xxx
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Try it - am sure you will like it 
)
A “not sure how far I ran” run!
Run Rabbit Trail Mix Challenge
Four weeks to go! HM training Run 25 - 10 miles 😀
