Vascular dementia

[Rienij70]

Hi my husband has vascular dementia. Was diagnosed about two years ago. As other careers know it is not easy for the carer. He gets very bad mood swings, so it can become very embarrassing when you have visitors. Can anyone advice on the best way to deal with it. Thank you Rienij

[Hidden]

Hi sorry to read about your issues with husband.

Usually doctors prescribe sedatives to calm em down unless the have heart conditions.

Am going threw hell

My self with my dads alzheimer's paranoia TODAY well this evening he chased me out door with garden shovel.

Guess its all down to how you feel and how safe you are.

Me am

Nearly at my limit BUT guilt is much harder esp as the forget what they have done said during epersode.

Wish i had answers but am looking for answers to.

SO much for distraction techniques.

[Rienij70 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, he has been given sedatives, I presume the dosage needs adjusting. I think the problem is that he is not excepting his situation. And gets frightened by it all. I suppose it is a case of trial and error. The Neuro nurse who visits us suggested to defuse the situation by going into another room, for some time out. But that is difficult when you have visitors and he starts being rude to them. So we will have to keep going, and take each day as it comes 😊

[Hidden in reply to Rienij70]

Is very hard my dad won't see any body WE have tried all that and sadly it's not working.

I think your right about dosage tho AS that's what I have read too

[Cybele in reply to Hidden]

Hi I went through it all with my mum from start to finish and the only way to start the ball rolling is to see his GP (yourself) and explain how bad it has become (hide nothing) and he can arrange for either himself to come along if you cannot cope anymore or if it's not so bad that you cannot look after him anymore, he can arrange for specially trained nurses to come and ask questions and offer days out etc, under the guise of a new practice, they now see everyone over a certain age to see how they are doing etc. My mum wouldn't go on the days out to give my dad a break and it killed him. So remember, as much as you want to help, you are as important too and need a life and there comes a time when it's not possible to cope anymore. Physically and mentally.

When my mum went into care, I got into bed and couldn't get further than the bathroom for a year (I had developed fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome) Dad had kept so much hidden for so long.

As for visitors, we asked them in advance to just agree wholeheartedly with mum, whatever she said and to ignore any rudeness as it was not mum talking anymore. It's impossible to have visitors without them being told the situation first.

Susie

[Rienij70 in reply to Cybele]

Hi Susie, thank you for your reply. You are right things can get out of hand, because it is gradually it tends to sneak up on you. We have a nurse who comes every three month. She advised me to register with the council as a carer. To be honest it didn't help a lot. They send me a lot of leaflets, and that was that. I just have to deal with everything as it happens. I do feel trapped sometimes but what can you do. I try to escape by following my own interest as much as I can. Hopefully it will get a bit better when spring arrives and I can get out into the garden. Nobody can even tell you what to expect as each patient is different. Thank you very much for your reply it is nice to get support from someone who understands.

Kind regards Rienij

[Rienij70]

Will make an appointment with our GP and ask him to review his medication. Thanks for your support. Just hope today will be a good day.😊

[Hidden in reply to Rienij70]

Hi am sorry could not be that much help think it's one them things we go trew alone ... This lot this that talked about BUT when it comes down to it it's not that much help.

If it's not moods that get you it's guilt BUT what I have noticed the get overwhelmed easy and that's when well in my dads case the have spaz attack.

We have tried everything

[Rienij70]

Keep your chin up. I suppose we have to take each day as it comes, and try to stay calm for everyone sake. The family are aware of the situation so try not to take it personally. I try to keep smiling and hope you are doing the same. Take care of yourself, and watch out for garden spades 😊

[Hidden in reply to Rienij70]

So true

Quite a expert at sleeping with one eye open these days.

Thanks and take care too

[Rienij70]

😴

[Hidden]

All I can suggest is be firm and kind, you husband can be drugged and that can just make matters worse.

Try and start a conversation regarding past events, sometimes this can help with mood.

Try music that you listened to when you were both young.

We have just completed our book library that contains book from childhood and places we have visited over the years these mostly contain photographs where we have been around the world and in the UK.

I have a short term memory congenital disorder and books help me remember places we have been. It is easier to look at books than photographs

Your husband must get really alarmed, confused and frightened. Break down conversations to small bits where you can explain something, then leave peaces then return to them again to the next bite. Sometimes short term memories pass down the line and then you can mention other parts into the brain. It all depends on the condition. If working on the computer, sometimes that can help. What to do is let him look back next days work this can reinforce the memory of the day before it all depends on your husband and His condition

Good Luck

BOB

[Rienij70]

Thank you Bob. I am sure that you are right. He does get frightened, and has this obsession about having to go into care. He is very suspicious about any help that is offered, as he sees that as the slippery slope towards residential care. I try to be as calm as possible, which is not easy at times. When walking he gets dizzy and holds onto furniture as he goes along. OT department are putting up some hand rails by the doors. And again he is suspicious of that. I try to explain that they help so that he can manage to remain independent. But he can't see that.So it is to help me as well.😊 Again thanks for your reply. Certainly food for thought.

Kind regards Rienij

[Hidden in reply to Rienij70]

Totally sympathize as I am experiencing SAME can be as hard for carers esp as we don't forget how nasty can be.

I can't understand how why the have eppersodes and can just turn at drop of a hat .... All doctors wanted to do to my dad was send psychiatric nurses round IS a shame as MY dad will go to far with eppersodes BUT will he remmber or even accept he as issue with memory IN short no it's us with problems.

Currently my dad thinks am robbing of him and playing mind games I.e moving everything around.

IS sad as he won't see doctors or anyone so I have to video out burst SOMETHING am not happy about but have to protect myself as he is lucid when as seen doctor when he's seen him.

Don't think doctors know really what it's like for suffers or carers

[Rienij70 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, you hit the nail right on the head. I take time out, even if it is only to retreat into my bedroom with a book. Just for sheer peace. We have a Neuro nurse that visits. And she is very good. My husband actually responds to her. But life is not easy. And we don't get a lot of support. Still it could be worse I suppose. Keep your chin up.😏

[Hidden in reply to Rienij70]

I know in my own situation my dad refuses to see anyone DON'T think could get any worse.

We have gotten to stage of talking to doctors about if when we cant cope anymore.

Is can be emotionally hard but what can you do of wont accecpt help

[Cybele in reply to Hidden]

I think that videoing is a great idea. The doctors didn't believe me when I said mum was throwing things everywhere, thinking I was after her purse and giving me no sleep. They sent a doctor over and he asked mum the day, date, month and who the prime minister was and she couldn't explain any. I then had 6 months of visiting mum everyday while are was in assessment. (She has to be tricked into going into the ambulance but it was easy) Frankly I am terrified that I have got the same and if I have then I will be making sure my life doesn't end how mum's did.

Until then I intend to try to laugh as much as possible but I have been stuck in bed with advanced fibromyalgia & CFS exactly the same as what came on after the stress of looking after mum.

Try to laugh as often as possible if it is possible xx