How do the medicos manage to make me feel so inad... - LUPUS UK

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How do the medicos manage to make me feel so inadequate and a hypochondriac

I am three weeks away from my seven month appointment with my rhuemy (this to keep a close eye on me!) I have made a list of the problems as suggested here, but feel I am being rushed out the door if the previous appointments are anything to go by. I didn't have an opportunity to present my list last time without being 'pushy' so I don't expect anything diffrent now. Things are getting so much worse, so very quickly. For goodness sake, berate myself, run a business, control five staff and customers and a fount of knowledge with animals, so why can't I interrupt the God complexes of these medicos to listen to me. There is literally no one else on this earth that I would wish to involve in this (no relatives living) it is down to me. So, has anyone any advice please on HOW TO BE PUSHY?

18 Replies

Can you take someone with you ? Someone on here who lives near you who understands

Shake the Doctors hand.

Sit back in the chair and have your piece of paper with list on it in view so the Doctor will know you need to ask questions.

Try and relax and stay until all your questions have been answered

I have seen this done a patient had a problem with snoring and managed to stay about 20 mins with the Doctor.

Think of what The Doctor would want to know if it was them

I have tried it, doesn't alway work, but worth a try, if nothing else.



Many good ideas there, will try the lot apart from shaking his hand, can't do that now, but on reflection it might be good to attempt it so that he understands how restricted the movement is. Staying relaxed is good but I find this difficult, but will honestly try. Thank you


I have had the same issue and have my appt at 12.00noon today!!!!

I'm taking a friend...

I may be wrong, but I think not. Every hospital has a PALS (patient liason) and you can ask them for support and also someone to support you during yr appt... I have used them before after I had to complain about a Doctor caring for my Daughter - he had a bad case of God Syndrome... They were fantastic...

Good luck XX


The idea of PALS I will try. More importantly, how did the noon appointment go?


There is also an Expert Patient Plan course that you can attend where they teach you about dealing with chronic illness and how to be more assertive when dealing with Medics. I think most health authorities run them


Many thanks DaleDiva,

I will investgate the Expert Patients Plan.


First, put your best suit on as if you were going to an interview. This makes them take notice of you.

Write a list with the most important at the top of the list. Number them. Then say "I wrote a list of things I wanted to ask you about, but I am aware you don't have a lot of time, so please deal with the things which could be relevant to my condition, and we can leave the others til next time, I can explain in more detail if any of my points are unclear."

This forces them to actually look at your list. I have noticed most doctors pay more attention to pieces of paper than people, but be prepared to have an open mind and not assume that they won't help you.

I got a copy of the letter my consultant wrote to the GP (make sure the admin staff know to send you a copy of any correspondence) and she actually wrote "this lady brought a very helpful note describing her current difficulties".


Many thanks Herb,

brilliant suggestions, including the suit. I will have to rehearse the opening gambit and the more I think about the paperwork you are right.

Many thanks again.


Be in control of the situation. my rheumy leaves me to deal with my health, i just have to update if i get a new pain, or i feel rougher than normal. they are cutting there time down though, used to be 30 mins its now about 15 mins.


Cutting the time down to 15 minutes, what hospital. I'm lucky to get 10. It may be all down to me but I feel as if the only thing he needs is to get rid of me asap. You must have a very good relationship with your rheumy.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.


well i used to have 30 mins appointments, but ive got it down to a fine art now so ten mins would be good enough now. this is at stafford hospital.


Good advice. Do not forget health care professionals are their to help you. Most people become very stressed before appointments, I know I do. Unfortunately this then reflects in my behaviour and I start to ramble on and waste valuable time. The list is an excellent idea especially if like me you have a poor memory. Arrive at the hospital in plenty of time so you do not feel stressed about finding parking, or being late. Then take a walk around outside if possible to relax before you go in. Taking someone with you will help this time to pass quickly. Each time you go it will become easier. Good luck.


Many thanks Suzie, I do become stressed, blood pressure taken at the hospital is extremely high and on two occasions have been referred to gp the next day to have it retaken and it has proved normal. I will try the walk to see if this helps.

Thank you.


I dont normally take anyone with me because i find they stress me out more lol


Hi KathinAyrshire

A tip from someone who works in the NHS. Copy your list of questions and send them to your consultant with a covering letter explaining these are the symptoms/questions you would like to discuss at your next appointment and state the date of your next appointment. All letters sent to a consultant are read by the consultant and then given to the secretary to attach to the notes for the next appointment. This way, when you arrive for your appointment with your list of questions he is already aware of the things you would like to discuss and he should lead the consultation this way. If you feel he is not making reference to your questions it will also then be easier for you to say "Do you remember the letter I sent you with a list of questions I would like to discuss", he will then have to address them and you will have your list with you for reference.

Also don't worry about how much time you take in the appointment, don't leave your seat until you are happy that everything has been discussed.

I hope all goes well for you.


Dear Karula,

So very many thanks for taking the time to reply, this is really good stuff. Are you sure the specialist won't take offence if I send a letter ahead of the appointment? I only see the houseman who is lovely, only seen the specialist for about 10 minutes on the very first appointment. Does the specialist really read all letters? It really is important that I get this right this time as 'to keep a close eye on me' means an appointment at every seven months or longer!! ~The clinic is so very busy. At the speed this infernal disease is progressing I shall be a cripple before the next appointment!

Again many thanks, I will type the list tomorrow and post it on Monday


Hi KathinAyrshire

yes don't worry the Consultant does read his mail, make sure you make it addressed "For the attention of .........." Consultants do not take offense at receiving letters from patient's, it does help them to get a better picture of what is happening with a patient and does give them insight as to how to address the consultation, which is what you want.

Patient's often see the Consultant at their first appointment and thereafter see the Registrar or Senior House Officer and then meet again with the Consultant once a year, that's quite normal practice. So if this is your next meeting with the Consultant you need it to be as fruitful as possible. Remember they are not Gods, they are there to help and actually most of them really do want the best for their patient's, so don't worry about sending your letter, keep the letter short, polite and to the point and be concise with your questions, state the facts without rambling, you can elaborate at your appointment.

Try and stay relaxed and focused and if the first words your Consultant says to you are "How are you" don't say "i'm fine", say "well actually I would like to discuss the points I mentioned in the letter I sent you as that explains what has been happening since I last saw you" you have then driven the appointment as to how you would like it to go.

Good luck with writing your letter and I really hope your appointment goes well for you.


So very many thanks Karula for taking the time to help, I really do appreciate it. I'll let you know how it went in three weeks time.

Again, many thanks