Where have the years gone?

Hi All - I'm now 35 years old and my oldest son is just about to start school - I'm feeling a little old and sad, I can't believe where the last 5 years have gone... do you all feel like that? It feels like last month I held him newborn after an emergency section and subsequently being diagnosed with LUPUS and dealing with that and getting pregnant with his brother... it's just all passed so quickly. I'm currently a full time mummy to my two boys (plus my angel boy Joe who was stillborn nearly 6 years ago).

I did work until earlier this year but found it all just too much. I'm really in two minds whether to go back to work (part time of course) my brain seems to have seized up but I know I won't get these early years ever again. On the other hand I feel lonely and I 'feel' like I don't contribute anything to society or to my family, I know I'm bringing up my boys but I don't want to get left behind... I know it's silly.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about my children and the years that have passed, we've been to-ing and fro-ing over whether to have a third baby which would put us under strain, my body would be shot to pieces, my Lupus will do its thing and I'd have to cope with a child in school, a preschooler plus a baby... I just don't think I can do it and in the next breath I really feel like i ought to but I'm scared, I don't have any family that can help me so I'd be literally on my own except for my very tired husband who will come from work to a wreck! It just feels SO final, I imagined a huge family but it's not really turned out like that, I feel a bit isolated.

That's enough feeling sorry for myself... I should and do appreciate what I've got and should snap out of this.

Thanks for reading this guys/girls... it's good to get it off my virtual chest.

Hoping all's well with you

2 Replies

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  • Hi I have been where you are many times. My oldest going into year 3 and my next one is going into year 1. When I had my 2nd I was given my diagnosis. I madly and happily went on to have 2 more. I do have a wreck of a house most of the time I am a physical wreck most of the time. Like you I am also on my own with my closest family 3 hours away by car. I think I made the right choice for me but it is such a hard thing to decide and very personal. I followed my heart and at the moment with my youngest 6 months I am very happy but exhausted and never have a tidy house and grass gets cut less often and there is no way I will be going back to work in the near future but hey I am happy and that is what it is all about. Hope you can find your happy :-) any time you want to chat feel free I have been in the very same dilemma.

    Laura

  • Hi you 2! I am in similar situation. I have 2 monsters 11 & 3. Big gap due to miscarriages etc. I had my diagnosis after my 2nd although I have been sick all my life. It feels like i lost the last 3 yrs in a blink as i was so sick. I have just found out I'm pregnant. Scared would be an understatement. No doubt I will lose it but also will be ill. If it stays I will be very sick. I'd love another but not sure how life would be. Scared but hopeful x

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