Hi All - I'm now 35 years old and my oldest son is just about to start school - I'm feeling a little old and sad, I can't believe where the last 5 years have gone... do you all feel like that? It feels like last month I held him newborn after an emergency section and subsequently being diagnosed with LUPUS and dealing with that and getting pregnant with his brother... it's just all passed so quickly. I'm currently a full time mummy to my two boys (plus my angel boy Joe who was stillborn nearly 6 years ago).
I did work until earlier this year but found it all just too much. I'm really in two minds whether to go back to work (part time of course) my brain seems to have seized up but I know I won't get these early years ever again. On the other hand I feel lonely and I 'feel' like I don't contribute anything to society or to my family, I know I'm bringing up my boys but I don't want to get left behind... I know it's silly.
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about my children and the years that have passed, we've been to-ing and fro-ing over whether to have a third baby which would put us under strain, my body would be shot to pieces, my Lupus will do its thing and I'd have to cope with a child in school, a preschooler plus a baby... I just don't think I can do it and in the next breath I really feel like i ought to but I'm scared, I don't have any family that can help me so I'd be literally on my own except for my very tired husband who will come from work to a wreck! It just feels SO final, I imagined a huge family but it's not really turned out like that, I feel a bit isolated.
That's enough feeling sorry for myself... I should and do appreciate what I've got and should snap out of this.
Thanks for reading this guys/girls... it's good to get it off my virtual chest.
Hoping all's well with you